It's 2017 and Merlin has waited so long.... That he's forgotten what he was waiting for in the first place....


13. Broken Heart

Hellllooooo it is I. 


I am now officially 18. My birthday was the other day (the 21st) and I am now an adult. 


I don't want to do adult things. I don't know how. 


I hope you enjoy this chapter. I love it in all honesty.  


It's cute but it makes you feel things. 


Let me know what you think :)


~ Abby




"I mean, like c'mon," Holly takes a huge bite of her cereal and swallows before continuing. "Lucky Charms is way better than Captain Crunch." She says shaking her head at Merlin. 


"Um you must be mistaken, Captain Crunch is the best. Hands down." Merlin says shaking his head as he stirs his cereal with his spoon. Arthur is flipping through a book he found in the bookcase in the living room and is now sitting beside Merlin trying his best to ignore the two bickering like children. 


"Whatever. Everyone knows Lucky Charms is the best because of the marshmallows." Holly explains then takes a bite of said cereal again. Merlin rolls his eyes and shakes his head knowing it's pointless to argue with Holly over food.


Arthur looks up from the weird words and shakes his head. "You guys are ridiculous. It's just food of a sort." He says then winces as he moves wrong and a pain in his side shoots through him. Merlin and Holly frown at each other then they look back to Arthur. He glares at them. "I'm fine, don't give me that look." He snaps and Merlin rolls his eyes again at how ridiculous Arthur is being at the moment but he should have seen this coming. 


Arthur always has to be the big guy and not admit he's hurting when everyone can clearly see he is. 


Merlin's hurting, he'll admit it. His head pounds every once in a while and his back hurts along with his right shoulder. 


"Merlin why don't you use magic to heal him?" Holly asks and Merlin frowns. 


"I can't, I don't have the spell book or even the book with all of the notes that could help me. I have nothing to tell me what I need or how to make anything. If I was back in Camelot then I would be able to figure it out with no problem." He explains shrugging his shoulders then wincing after. It would make it much easier if they were in Camelot, even just for a day or so. 


Holly sighs. "I guess we're going back to see the doctor. Okay so, do you know if he's single or not? Because he was really good looking. But I guess the real question is who is he? He clearly knows you guys and that itself is confusing and terrifying all at once." She says finishing off her cereal and placing her bowl and spoon in the sink after rinsing it out. 


Arthur and Merlin smile at each other. 


It's Arthur who answers her. "His name isn't really Callahan. Not sure where that name came from in all honesty. His name is Gawain. He is- was one of my knights back in uh Camelot." 


Holly nods her head trying to follow along. "Oh. Okay. So he's super old like you guys?" She asks and Merlin snickers and Arthur groans. 


"We aren't that old." He says.


"That's what old people say to make themselves feel better about there age." Merlin laughs at the look on Arthur's face and Holly just grins leaning against the island in the middle of the kitchen.


"I am not old. But you know who is old? Merlin." He says pointing a finger at the dark haired lad beside him quickly. "He's as old as they get." He crosses his arms and Merlin glares at him. 


"I'm not old, I don't age." Merlin sticks his tongue out at the king and Arthur does the same. They are mature. Arthur swears he is. 


"You're still old." Arthur says making Holly chuckle and shake her head. 


"So that means you're sleeping with an old guy. How does that make you feel Arthur?" Holly asks and Merlin bursts out laughing as Arthur's face goes blank then he goes beat red and his eyes widen as he looks away and then down at the table then he looks back at Merlin and the red spreads to his ears and down his neck.


"I don't know how I feel about that." He finally says causing the other two to laugh.  "And I'm not sleeping with him." He mumbles and crosses his arms sliding more down in the chair.


"Oh Arthur. It's okay, even with my oldness and how rude you are to me all the bloody time, I still love you." He says casually and the room goes silent and Merlin is confused on to why no ones talking but as he meets there gazes, both sets of eyes are wide and staring at him. "What?" Then it finally dwells on him and his eyes go wide and his face goes a pasty white all except the tips of his ears which, as you can guess are bright red. "Oh."


The room is silent and Holly's eyes flick from one person to the other. She slowly backs out of the room and makes her way to the room she's staying in, leaving Arthur and Merlin alone in the kitchen. 


"What did you say?" Arthur asks so quietly that Merlin is almost certain he imagined Arthur saying these words till he repeats them again a little louder and harder so Merlin can hear more. He didn't expect Arthur to react this way. 


Merlin looks down and clears his throat and he feels the tears spring to his eyes and he tries to blink them away. 


This is not how he wanted it to go down. Not at all.


"I- uh." Merlin tries but the words get stuck in his throat as he sees Arthur's hard stare on him. He seals his mouth shut and looks down  again, lost for words. There gone if he had any to begin with with the look Arthur is giving him.


"Why did you say that?" Arthur asks again in the same tone of voice as before. Harsh and commanding, back into being the king Merlin once loved and feared with all his heart.


Merlin blinks and tears drip down his cheeks out of his eyes like small waterfalls. "It- it just slipped out. I'm sorry." He says and he tenses when he hears Arthur move. 


Why does he have to apologize? He's not sure.


He looks up to see Arthur storming out of the room and a sob escapes him as he clamps a hand over his mouth to stop from sound coming out more than it already has. 


He's come a conclusion: 'He doesn't love me back.' 


Merlin feels his heart break and shatter in to a million pieces. He feels cold all over and he can't bring himself to move from the spot at the kitchen table.


He winces when he hears a door slam shut so hard that he can feel the whole house shake and wraps his arms around himself as to hold himself against an unseen force. 


He slowly gets up and quietly makes his way to the living room and to the stairs to his room. It feels like a millions years have passed by the time he gets to his room. He goes in, closes and locks his door sliding down it. Arthur must have gone to the storage room which is roomy enough to be made into another room if he wanted. It technically is another bedroom but Merlin made it into a storage. Or he just left.


The thought of Arthur leaving makes Merlin's insides squirm and squeeze.


Lilith looks up from her spot on the bed and flaps over slowly, feeling her masters distress and sadness as if it were her own. She climbs onto his lap slowly and Merlin can't bring himself to pet her or push her away. She's now the size of a small house cat.


He places his hands together and pulls his knees up to his chest as tears leave his eyes and he doesn't even know how he's going to face Arthur anymore. 


All these years he's been waiting for Arthur to come back, all these years he's been in love with someone who was dead and gone from the whole world for millions of years. All these years he thought he had a chance when he came back. 


All these years he's been wrong.


He puts his face in his hands and lets out a loud sob- loud enough to worry the dragon. 


He wipes his cheeks but then realizes it's pointless because he just keeps crying. 


Imagine loving someone for years and years but when they finally give you the time of day, it's because they have no choice. Not because they feel the same. 


Because they have no other place to go. 


Arthur has no other place to go. He's stuck with Merlin. 


Sure they kissed but he guesses that was just for Arthur's amusement. Merlin gives a watery, bitter chuckle. 


He was being played. Imagine that. 


And here he thought Arthur changed. He was oh so wrong and he paid the consequences. 


He climbs off the ground feeling empty and broken. He makes his way over to his bed and flops down on it and ignores the pain in his body and focuses on the pain in his chest where his heart should have stopped beating millions of years ago and how empty it feels. 


Maybe he's not suppose to be here. Maybe he was only to bring Arthur back and get him on the right path then leave. 


Merlin looks down at the small dragon who's followed him to his bed and is looking at him with her own sad eyes, mirroring his. 


"I'm sorry." He whispers to know one but himself. He lays down and rests his head on his pillow as more tears come and land on his pillow. He closes his eyes but the tears just keep coming no matter what he does so he just lets them flow. 


In the other other room, Arthur isn't much better. 


He's pacing back and forth with a hard glare set on his face and he winces with almost every step but ignores it and focuses on his heart and how it feels like it's going to explode it's so full. 


Merlin couldn't have meant it. But it felt like he had. Arthur had to get away before he did or said something he was going to regret later on. 


He knows it was bad to just leave Merlin like that and he's ignoring the fact he saw Merlin's eyes swell with tears. 


He sits down on a bin he found and puts his head in his hands and runs his hands through his tears. 




The words are like a broken record playing on repeat in his mind and in his heart. 


After everything, Merlin still loves him. Even after Arthur always threw him in the stocks, and made him clean everything he could possibly think of back in Camelot just to spend more time with him without Merlin noticing. 


Arthur sucks on his bottom lip and frowns.


How long will the love last though? Merlin has grown up and adapted to everything and Arthur hasn't. Will he eventually grow out of loving Arthur? 


Sure he's loved him for millions of years but now that Arthur is back will Merlin keep loving him like he used to? 


He feels tears well up in his eyes as he replays the scene in the kitchen and realizes how much of an ass he seemed to be. 


Who would just leave someone after they were told they were loved by said person? 


Arthur just couldn't believe it. A sliver of him thought Merlin was joking and just making fun of him but the other part of him felt like it was on fire with the words out of Merlin's mouth. He clearly doesn't know how to handle being told he's loved by someone, almost certainly not by Merlin. 


Merlin can't actually love him, right? Everyone who loves him leaves him or betrays his trust in some way. But Merlin wouldn't do that. 


He shakes his head and groans. 


He probably just fucked everything up. 


He jumps up and off the bin and rushes out the door and back down the hall towards his and Merlin's shared room and hesitates with his hand just above the door knob. 


What's he going to say to him? 


I'm sorry for storming out like that? 


I thought you were joking?


None of those are good at all. 


He drops his hand, turns around and slides down the door with his back leaning against it. He remembers how Merlin did this for him more than once. 


He hears feet approach him and he looks to his right to see Holly frowning at him and she walks past him shaking her head going down stairs in her work uniform. 


He sighs and leans his head against the wooden door. He doesn't hear anything from the other side other than the occasional sniffle that's so faint Arthur thought he was imagining it at first. 


He frowns even more once he realizes it's Merlin sniffling. 


He probably cried. Arthur feels like his heart has been ripped out and stomped on. 


He's crying and it's all his fault


He looks down at his hands and lets his own eyes fill with tears.


"God I'm an ass." He mumbles to himself and then feels like crap because why should he be crying? He's the one who hurt Merlin, not the other way around.


He closes his eyes and lets out a breath of air. 


He's not sure what happened but he's positive he fell sleep because when he glances down the stairs he can see that it's bright outside. Must be around noon or after.


He frowns as he turns his head to listen, to see what's going on on the other side of the wooden door. The one thing separating himself from someone he cares so deeply about and has hurt so much. 


He hears nothing. His frown deepens. How long has Merlin been in there? He closes his eyes and goes to lean against the door again when it opens, making Arthur almost fall but he catches himself before doing so. 


He looks up to see a blotchy looking Merlin who looks pale as ever but with blotchy spots. He sees Arthur and frowns even more than he was when he opened the door. 


"What are you doing?" Merlin asks in a quiet voice that sound rough- probably from all the crying Arthur caused him to do. 


Arthur doesn't like the thought of being the cause of Merlin's tears and pain. 


He gets up off the ground fast and clumsy, his eyes never leaving Merlin's. "I didn't want you to be alone. I know you've done this for me countless of times." He says and Merlin doesn't move. He just keeps frowning. 


"Yes, because one of those times your father died. My father didn't die- not anytime that's in this century anyway. I was crying because-" he stops short and lets out a watery breath. He looks at the ground and shakes his head. "Never mind. I'm going to see if I can find Holly, if she's left for work yet or not." He mumbles and Arthur can't let him go like this. 


He gently grabs ahold of Merlin's sleeve making him halt in his step. His gaze goes to where Arthur is holding him them up to the eyes of the king. "What?" He snaps which causes Arthur to flinch. 


"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry." He says and Merlin scoffs shaking his head looking down the stairs. 


He looks back at Arthur with tears in his eyes and a hard glare set. "Sorry? That's all you have to say? That you're sorry?" Merlin rips his arm from Arthur's grip and starts making his way towards the stairs again. 


"Well what else am I suppose to say Merlin?!" Arthur yells after him throwing his hands up. Merlin turns around with wide eyes that don't look happy at all.


"How about that you feel bad? Or tell me what you're sorry for? Let me know you actually mean it Arthur." Merlin yells back walking back to Arthur. "You hurt me and you don't even seem to care." Merlin shouts at Arthur who is beat red. He glares right back at Merlin. 


"You don't think I care?" He scowls. "Of course I care you idiot! Why do you think I don't care?! How do I get it through that thick head of yours Merlin?!" Arthur shouts back but Merlin stands his ground even if they both have tears running down there cheeks and down there necks. 


"I tell you how I honestly feel and you just storm out- not even considering how it'll effect me! That's a stupid ass move!" Merlin yells and Arthur now has the confirmation on how Merlin feels about him. 


Arthur feels his heart beat so fast he was sure it was going to burst from his chest any second if he didn't slow it down. He feels his hands get sweaty and his whole body heat up at the thought of Merlin saying the words "I love you" to him and meaning them. Hearing him say those everyday and all day is what he has always longed for but could never tell a soul.


Never tell a soul in Camelot. They are not in Camelot. Hence why Merlin is yelling back at the king. 


"Unbelievable." Merlin says shaking his head. "You don't even have anything to say now. Why do I even bother trying?" He sniffles and crosses his arms turning away from him. 


Arthur thinks he's trying to look all tough but both know that he's not. Unless you bring his magic into count. 


Then that's just cheating. And terrifying. 


"Just leave me alone Arthur." Merlin snaps Arthur back to earth as Merlin turns back around and continues to make his way towards the stair case and down it, heading for the door that would lead Merlin away from the house and away from Arthur for who knows how long. 


"Merlin don't go! Wait, stop!" Arthur yells taking a few steps towards Merlin who just keeps walking down the stairs not even looking back at the blonde king, who is losing his mind because he feels like he's losing Merlin, after he just got him back. 


"Why the hell should I stop? So you can keep being rude to me? No thanks. My heart has had enough torment for one day." Merlin sneers over his shoulder as he reaches the bottom step. 


"Because I love you!" 


Merlin freezes with his hand reaching for the door handle and Arthur clamps a hand over his mouth and he's never been so happy that Holly is gone to work. 


Merlin turns around slowly to lock eyes with Arthur. "What?" He says so quietly.


Arthur clears his throat. "I said I love you." He says more solidly and Merlin gets more tears to his eyes and Arthur starts panicking, thinking he messed up again.


It wouldn't be the first time.


Arthur can't help it. He closes the space between them in only three long strides and once he's in front of Merlin on the step just above him, he grabs his face and kisses him like he's going to die if he doesn't, which he thinks could be true. 


Merlin taste like he smells. Minty, and sweet, but with an odd taste of what could only be described as old. But not the bad old, the old that tells you history, stuff you've missed. Things that you're going to wish you saw in person. Old like old stories that he only knows the truth about and has lived them. 


They slowly pull back but Arthur's hands never leaves the sides of Merlin's face, he slowly wipes Merlin's cheek with the pad of his thumb, feeling the dampness that his tears have left behind. 


Merlin swallows loudly. "Do you really mean it? Or are you just saying that?" Her asks biting his lip to keep it from trembling. 


"I really mean it.... I'm sorry I'm such a prat." He says and Merlin lets out a watery chuckle and looks down, Arthur's grip loosening but he just trails his hands down Merlin's neck and shoulders instead, feeling his pulse flutter fast against the pad of his right thumb. 


Merlin slowly puts his hands on top of Arthur's and he gives him a small smile that makes Arthur's heart melt. 


"Can you say it to me again?" Merlin asks so quietly that Arthur has to second guess what he was saying. Once he realizes what Merlin requested from him, he smiles and leans his forehead against his. 


"I love you Merlin." He says and Merlin grins, blue eyes meeting blue eyes again. 


Merlin leans in closer and bites his lip. "I love you too Arthur." 


And Arthur swears his chest exploded from the feeling in his heart at that very moment. He was sure hearing those words out of Merlin's mouth will be the death of him one day. His broken heart slowly makes its way back together with a little help from a certain warlock.


They close the gap between them and slowly, but surly mend each other's broken hearts back together.

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