Sincerely, Sara

A collection of my ranting and ravings. Please don't take anything personally; it's not meant as a personal attack to anyone. In the moments, I needed to tell these people things that I couldn't so I wrote them down. Each situation has been dealt with, but I would like to publish what I wrote, because the words tend to flow nicer when I am passionate about it.
WARNING: These stories contain mature content and discussion of such; examples including rape, sexual assault and abuse. Please don't feel like you have to read it, because you don't have to if you don't want to.


2. To "Yeah, Probably":



"Yeah probably" is not an answer to me. It's either a yes or a no or a maybe. Don't fucking tell me that "yeah probably" you're going to our 3 hr math lecture and then fucking text me 9 minutes before the lecture starts that you've decided not to go. I am not a last minute person. I took that "yeah probably" that yes, you were 97% sure you were going to this lecture. I was counting on you for these notes because I don't know if I'll be able to last the entire class this time around. I asked almost 3 hours in advance of the lecture; and I get it. Things change. I'm not an asshole, I know that you have a life outside of me and outside of giving me notes.


You know that because you aren't going and because I can't get the notes from someone else that, so help me Lord, I will sit my ass through this 3 hr lecture so I don't miss a class note-wise. You know this because I have specifically stated how my notes need to be neat or it bothers me immensely. Because you pulled this on me at the last minute, I've now used the last of my anxiety medication to try and stop my lungs from hyperventilating because they hurt still from my attack yesterday. Because I'm usually 1/2 an hour early to class so I can get used to the people in the lecture hall (even though second semester is almost done), the 200 other people that showed up feels like 200,000 and it feels like they're all watching me. Every other word out of my mouth is "Sorry" because I feel as if I've done something wrong.


I bet you didn't know that I saw a friend in the hallway today and I waved at him (waving in public is something that I rarely do); and he didn't see me. It was a total accident and I spent the entire day asking myself what I did to piss him off. So I bought him his favourite muffin and wrote out a few pages of cheesy jokes that I knew would make him laugh because I needed him to know I was sorry for something I apparently didn't do. I was planning to use this time off for self care, I've forgotten when the last time I showered was. I've been going off of how greasy my hair is or how disgusting I feel. The latter doesn't help much because I feel disgusting and disgusted all the time.


I guess the moral of my ranting story is to tell you "yeah probably", that I talked to the professor while I was having my makeshift excuse for dinner and these notes don't go on our portal. And you can suck it if you think you're gonna get these notes off of me. 

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