*Smutty stuff in here* This is just about me and my most recent dating and sexual experiences. Honestly, it's a lot of failed relationships and a lot of sadness but it's my life so idk.


27. July 2017

I want to be done talking about Stan because even after three weeks it still hurts.

You know what? I actually just messaged him and then called him, only to be ignored, and then I messaged him again because typing this out had hurt my soul.

I’m gonna send you what I said because it’s a good summary of what’s going on in my life right now.

You’re still welcomed to call

I miss you

I called and he ignored me.

You never gave me the closer I needed and I’ve tried to get over you.

Believe me, I’ve tried.

I went out and had terrible sex with some random guy off the internet and I’m currently trying to date some other random guy but I can’t stop thinking about you and it’s pissing me off because I miss you and I don’t want to miss you but I do.

I know that you’re a piece of shit, but you know what? I’m a piece of shit too. And that’s okay.

Please, just call me and give me the closer I need because I can’t be happy while still hung up on you.


I sent that about five minutes ago and he hasn’t read it yet.

I’m just afraid he’s going to block me.

I don’t want him to block me.


But yes, if you read that correctly, I had sex with a random guy.

I was incredibly awkward and horrible but whatever. I can’t change what we did, so my sex count number is now up to two. Soon to be three.

The guy I’m currently seeing is Joe, he’s Mexican and cute and we’ve been talking since September, except I wouldn’t talk to him when I was dating someone so I didn’t talk to him while dating Connor or Stan.

I always told my friends that I’d date Joe after Stan, and that’s what I’m doing.


Lol JK Joe has the maturity of a twelve year old even though he’s twenty and I can’t deal with it and now I’m trying to find a way end nicely end things.

Also, since I started writing this I talked with Stan on the phone for two minutes and then he proceeded to block me on like everything.

And his mother messaged me two days ago (26-July-17)  (idk how she even got my number since it’s not on Facebook so Stan must’ve given it to her) asking her if I knew anyone who wanted to work in a kitchen since she knows I’m in culinary school.

I informed her that Stan and I have broken up and I wrote out this long message:

So I don't know if you're aware of this, but Stan and I broke up.

I wanted to take a break because he was being a douche for the upteenth time and I was sick of it, I also felt like he was using me for my money, and he decided that we should just break up.

If you would tell your son to get his head out of his ass and call me that'd be great because I would not be against getting back together with him because I really do like him, I just want him to be on some sort of mood stabilizer so he doesn't have highs and lows because the only thing that caused issues in our relationship was his random mood swings.

I tried talking things out with him about a week ago but the conversation lasted for two minutes and then he blocked me on Facebook (which was our main way of communication) and I'm assuming he blocked my number too.

All this happened because I said something over the phone or something happened and he got angry and he decided to leave (he was staying at my house at the time) without saying goodbye to me while I was at work even though I asked him to so I got mad and called him and told him that this was the third time he'd fucked up and I had warned him last time that if he fucked up again we were taking a break and he just decided to end things completely...all because he was mad.

I really do care about him.

And I miss him.

Please let him know that.


And she responded with:


Well this may sound terrible to say but I honestly feel like you're probably better off without him. He's not living with us, he's not even in Lincoln anymore. He had told us that he lost his job, because his boss fired him for mouthing off at them. So then he just took off and went to Iowa without telling us and my mom finally called and told me where he was a few days later. He is now living in Des Moines with a friend and supposedly has a job there that he started on Tuesday. My cousin told me he saw a go fund me page Stan started because he was "homeless "he's got a lot of growing up to do and you don't want to mess up your life while he tries to do it. It breaks my heart to, but sometimes you just have to let people figure it out on their own.


So she all but said: He’s a piece of shit and you’re better off without him.


And it gave me the closer I needed to move on.

So I’m done with Stan.

My friends and I are burning all the stuff I have of his on Sunday (30-July-17) and I’m thinking of cracking open the thing of Crown Maple I bought as his birthday present.

I always told myself that I’d even give it to him for his birthday or I’d drink it myself, and now that I don’t need him anymore, I’m ready to down it.

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