*Smutty stuff in here* This is just about me and my most recent dating and sexual experiences. Honestly, it's a lot of failed relationships and a lot of sadness but it's my life so idk.


7. Date #1 with Stan

People, this date was awesome. Just a little note, Stan is the nicest, most respectful guy I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. And he’s super fucking cute too. He wears glasses, like me, and has bomb ass facial hair with makes him look pretty similar to Charlie Cox as Daredevil, though Stan doesn’t see the resemblance.

He likes to wear a hat, which I don’t like because I think he looks much better without it, but hey, it’s his life so he can do what he wants.

One quick thing to keep in mind while you read this. I’m super insecure, and throughout the majority of this date, I felt like he didn’t like me and was just too shy to tell me to leave.



When I woke up, I texted Stan something along the lines of ‘good morning’ and I got ready while I waited for him to respond back.

About thirty minutes later, he responded with something like, ‘good morning cutie.’ I’d be able to tell you exactly what he said if I had had his number by this point, but I did not so we were just Snapchat messaging like super lame people, and don’t get me wrong, I’m super fucking lame, but still.

So, we agreed to meet up for brunch or something, and I headed to my work downtown to wait for him.

Now, the only reason I went to my work was because my dad owns the restaurant I work in, and my dad will only let me meet up with someone from online if I meet them at the restaurant where the person I meet would be on camera, and I could go and get one of the workers to come save me if I needed to. I took my friends advice and brought pepper spray with me, just as a percussion because I was going to be alone at his house with him later today.

When Stan was on his way, I went into the kitchen and asked the staff if one of them could please make the guy I’m meeting here and myself breakfast (I work at a sports bar so we don’t serve breakfast), and they said that they would.

Stan messaged me, asking where to park and I said at the back of the building, and I went out there to wait for him.

He got out of his car, well, he got out of his grandma’s car that he was borrowing because his car was back at his house two hours away because it got shit gas millage, and he greeted me.

I’ll be honest, it was awkward. Eating together in an almost empty restaurant was awkward. We weren’t sure what to say to each other because talking in video chat and talking in person is very different, but at least he didn’t make me sit in awkward silence like the last guy (which was the day before) (and yes, I know, I move fast. But hey, if you’re not exclusive, you can talk to more than one person at once) (I AM NOT A WHORE).

The only things I really remember about eating with Stan (even though it was literally just two days ago, but hey, I have a shit memory) is arguing with my boss because she wanted to take down the Christmas decorations and I was like, ‘Over my dead body,’ and she was like, ‘I’ll see if we can make the garland a seasonal thing,’ and I also remember Stan saying something like, “It just had to be eggs, didn’t it?” as he wiped the yolk from his bomb ass facial hair for the umpteenth time.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I totally have a thing for facial hair. I love facial hair. If I was a guy, I’d want facial hair. Some girls hate beards, but not me. I think it’s hot as fuck, and Stan can seriously, seriously pull it off.

Sorry about the side note, but back to the date.

When we were done eating, I brought the plates back to the kitchen and thanked the cook who made it and headed back out. I grabbed my purse, and Stan and I walked out back to his car.

He had previously mentioned needing to go to Target to get something to drink, so we stopped at Target on the way to his place and he grabbed a Dr. Pepper and we paid and left.

When we got to his house, I met Lucy and Mya.

Lucy was a large, German Shepherd/Husky/wolf mix who turned out to be the sweetest dog I have ever met, and Mya was this tiny little Shih Tzu looking dog that was somehow the Alpha of the house.

There was also a cat named Buddy. Who the holy hell names a cat Buddy? But still, Buddy was a cute, very dense cat that was black with a white face, white mittens, and a black nose.

So, Stan and I sat down on the couch, on opposite ends mind you, and proceeded to watch Princess Bride, a movie I had never seen before.

We laughed at the same parts, which was basically the entire movie, and it was nice. Stan had not yet made a move on me, but that was okay because I had said I was taking it slow.

The Road to el Dorado passed and that’s when I started getting worried. Stan and I went to get pizza because, well, it had been over three hours and you know, food.

About the time of heading back from getting pizza, I started to get seriously worried that Stan didn’t like me. He hadn’t made any sort of move on me, whether it was holding my hand, resting his hand on my leg, or putting his arm around me.

He had kept getting up to put the dogs out or let the dogs in, and every time he would get up, I’d hope that he’d sit down closer to me and put his arm around me, but he never did.

We started the next movie after we ate, and we talked as we ate which was good, and during the movie which I now don’t remember the name of (see, I totally have a terrible memory), I sent him a Snapchat message.

Now, if you were unaware of this, you get a notification when the person is typing out your message, so as I’m typing, he sees his phone light up and he picks it up and gives me a weird look, which is completely understandable because I’m just a foot or so away from him on the couch and I’m messaging him instead of just saying it out loud.

‘You know, you can make a move on me if you want and I won’t reject it.’

When he saw the message, he said, “Did you really have to send that to me?”

“Some things I don’t want to say.”

“Well I’m comfy but…” Stan shifted in his spot and gestured me to come sit by him. Now, this would’ve just seemed like a lazy dick-like move for saying something like ‘I’m comfy,’ but he had previously explained to me that he got into a car accident when he was younger that seriously fucked up his back, so I understood why he didn’t want to move.

But when I sat down by him, he wrapped his arm around me and it was really pleasant.

About twenty minutes later, I felt my anxiety medication wear off. And yes, I take anxiety medication if I haven’t mentioned that already. So I got up, went to my purse that was sitting on the chair next to us, and took a pill to help slow down my heart rate.

I sat back down and Stan wrapped his arm around me again. When the medication kicked it, and I was calm, I started to build up courage. He was rubbing my arm/massaging my shoulder when I decided to do it. I muttered, “I’m just going to get this out of the way,” before turning around and kissing him lightly on the mouth. Then I gave him another peck and I turned back around, looking back at the TV.

There was a half a minute of silence with the TV going in the background. “Well I just made things awkward,” I said and he chuckled. “Don’t laugh, I did. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve kissed you.”

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry,” Stan said and I smiled, though I was still facing the TV. “I’m the one making this awkward.” And then we kissed again.

After a little while of watching TV, I think we were watching that Gilbert Grape movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp, we started kissing again, which quickly turned to making out.

I’ll be honest, Stan wasn’t the best with tongue, but I’ll get to that part later.

So, you know, were making out and it’s going all nice and well and things are starting to get a little steamy (as in we were starting to get horny) and I started trailing my kisses away from his lips. When I got to his neck, his breathing started getting heavier and he let out a soft moan.

Now, Stan had been basically silent up until this point so the fact that he made noise made me very proud of myself, and, you know, it made me a little more wet than I already was.

(Reminder that this is not for children)

So I’m sucking on his neck and thing are going really well. He’s letting out moans and I licked my way up to his ear, the left one which is the only one he had pierced, and I start sucking on it. He enjoyed that.

I went back to his mouth and kept kissing him, then he trailed his way down to my neck.

“Don’t leave a mark,” I said, knowing that if he left one and my sister saw it, she’d kill me.

He just nodded as he kissed me, before moving back to my lips.

At this point, his hands had been on my waist, my sides, and my shoulders. He was being very respectful of me, but I could tell by the fact that one of my hands kept rubbing my right side by my boob that he wanted to grab my boob, but was worried about making me feel uncomfortable/he was too shy. So, I grabbed his hand and moved it to where I think we both wanted it to be.

It didn’t take long for me to be straddling his lap and deepening the kiss. I could feel how hard he was beneath me, but he wasn’t doing anything to have me rub my ass against his dick. You know why? Because he was being respectful.

And I just want to say this. Stan, if, for whatever reason, I ever let you read this, I want you to know some things. You are sweet, very very cute (even though you deny it), and incredibly respectful, and I thank you for that.

But back to the kissing.

So, here I am, sitting on his lap, kissing him, when he decides to try something new. Now, throughout this whole time, I had initiated everything. I was the one to start the make-out, I was the one to start kissing not on the mouth, and every time we’d use tongue, I was the one who would start it.

But this. This made me so happy.

He trailed his hand up my back, and grabbed a handful of hair, and pulled.

He didn’t pull hard, but it was enough to grab my attention that this was something that he was into, and I enjoyed it so I didn’t stop him.

Every time he would pull my hair, I’d let out a little gasp because it would not only catch me off guard, it would feel really good too.

My leg started falling asleep so I got off his lap and sat next to him. That’s when he got a little brave again, which was not in any way a bad thing. He started leaning me back on the couch and laying on top of me. He held himself up with one arm while the other was squeezing my boob. After a few minutes, we were using tongue again. That’s when I asked, “Have you ever had your tongue sucked on?”

“No,” he mumbled against my lips.

“Wanna try it?”

“Sure,” he said, a little confused.

I had him sit up so I could have a better angle, and when I prodded my tongue on him lips, he opened his mouth and started moving his tongue against mine in a very sloppy way. I’m not really sure how to describe doing this, but it’s very easy once someone does it to you, but I inhaled Stan’s tongue into my mouth and sucked on it, bobbing my head up and down while sucking. He let out a soft moan and when I let go, I asked him if he liked it. He let out a desperate ‘yeah,’ which might not sound like it, but it was hot.

He did it to me and I let out a moan because that’s something I really enjoyed having done.

We made out for a little while longer until my phone went off, so I pulled back and read the text from my dad.

‘Call me now.’

I had Stan pause the movie that was still playing and I called my dad. He told me that my sister was worrying about me since I was spending so much time with a guy I barely knew, and I told him that I’d leave when the movie ended, which was in about 30 minutes.

You know what Stan and I did for those thirty minutes?

You guessed it.

We kept making out.

We didn’t go any father than what I had previously described, which made me happy, because you know what? I didn’t give a hand job on the first date this time.


When the credits had finished rolling, I stopped the kissing and smiled at him.

“I should probably head home,” I said. I was fully prepared to call myself and uber when Stan offered to drive me. “You don’t have to,” I told him and he smiled.

“It’s okay.”

So I grabbed my purse and we headed to his car.


Stan is into more of a metal type of music, and he’s a chain smoker when he’s driving because driving a small car in the city makes him nervous. But he’s polite enough to have the air blowing and the window rolled down and the breathe the smoke out the window so I don’t have to deal with inhaling cigarette smoke.

“So, do you wanna hang out tomorrow?” Stan asked and I smiled.

“Only if you want too and you’re not just asking me that to be polite.”

“No, I want too. I like you a lot,” he said and I smiled widely.

“Good, because I really like you.” I saw him grin.


When we got to my house, he put the car in park and got out when I did.

“Why are you getting out?” I asked and he smiled.

“So I can give you a hug.”

That was probably the sweetest thing that’s ever happened to me. He could’ve just given me a kiss goodbye in the car, but no, he wanted to give me a full blown hug which made my heart melt.

After we hugged, we said our goodbyes and I headed inside.

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