The Dairy of A Vampire

This is the Dairy of a 15-year-old vampire named Vladimira. She lives with her human family and she hates that she can't get the right food. She has never tasted human blood before and her mother and father are pushing her ever closer to trying some of them. But, of course, they don't know that she is a vampire.


71. Entry 71, Mon 13, 2017

My arms and legs feel leaden. My heart unable to beat. My lungs unable to accept air. My face unable to smile. My blood holding still waiting to be told what to do. What do I do? What do I do about everything? I know what I am supposed to do. I know that I am supposed to look happy like have nothing to care about nothing to worry about when I have a lot to worry about. But no one knows that. I can not show them that. What do I do? What does one do when they know that the only person that they talked to is gone. As though they were never there. Do I act like I have never met her? Do I act like I don't care? Do I act like I can't feel anything because I can? Do I act human and break done in tears when I am not human? What do I DO? What do I do and how do I do it? I have to act like this doesn't hurt me. I have to act like nothing hurts me when we talk about salves and what happens in salve states. What those salves states are. One of them is where Wolfe went to. 


I am home once more and once again my head is full of straight thoughts that I do not want nor do I need in my head at a time like this. Of course, I still feel leaden and numb but much less now. I just want this to go away. I don't like it and I am not the kind of person to normally look sad. Plus here was something bad that happened today. Someone said I kept a dairy. I said no I did not. They said, of course, a journal then I said no. In my head thought I was saying, " I do not keep a journal or a diary nor do I write my thoughts down because if I want to say my thoughts than I speak them or keep them to myself." Of course, I was lying to him but I was planning on yelling at him to tell him that if he wants to keep that pretty neck of his then he should mind his own damn business. If he wants to know then he could become my friend and ask me. But no he just jumps to what he thinks. Overall though I can't get mad at people because I have been having a bad day for two weeks now. I just don't like the thought that she is really gone now. I know the saying, "If you love something set it free, if it comes back it's yours." But it is harder to believe that it is harder to like that sentence when it is you that it is happening too. I came home and all I did was eat. I only eat when I am sad or feeling something that I am trying to hide. I even shouted a song because it just fit the way I was feeling. It fit the way I wanted to yell and scream and beg but in one feeling. Sadness. It fit all of what I wanted to do into those and let me come out and scream and yell and beg somewhat. I am home alone and thank god for that because I am about to cry again. Why do I keep crying? Why can I not stop cry? Why does it hurt so damn much that she is gone? Why? Why? Why? WHY?

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