The event changed everything, but a story can’t have a central theme unless there are walls to support it, roads that take you there and on, because I can’t just give you a fact and you understand it fully until I explain it. So here it is; I love Harry Styles, but the roads that I take you on to understand may not be one’s that you really want to travel, so heed the signs on the barren roadsides, and understand. I’ll tell you about the days, thirty before and thirty after, encompassing Harry’s attempted suicide.


3. 30 days before


liam calls, habitually at 7:30, as the sky turns over the shades of light to dark, as the bustle of people outside become muted , and as harry eats his custard pie.

"hows he doing???" aim asks, trying for nonchalance but we all know liam couldn't even PRETEND to NOT care.

"awful" i answer, i can lie, unlike liam, but i wouldn't lie about THIS.

harrys head shoots up at my response and his face contorts into a troubled frown.

"the movie", i say to him, and he nods once before taking another tiny bite of his food.

i cant lie about the situation to anyone but him, for me to look at him and tell him how bad he is would make it worse.

i didnt want to hold up a mirror for him to see what he had done.


"yes!, the movie" liam agrees distractedly, "has the movie explained itself?"

 i look over at harry, at how the bones of him seem to jut out, trying to burst from his skin  as if they dont want to hide there with all the secrets he has taken to keeping,at his hollow face and the dark smudges beneath his beautiful eyes.

"not even a little..." harry looks up, so i continue. " the movie could have been 1000 times better!"

"right well, ill call again tomorrow" liam says  

"yes yes i know" i say, and i can feel my face turn up with the faintest of smiles.

as i hang up the phone, harry gets up and turns the t.v. on, changing it to a sports channel i doubt he'll even pay the slightest attention to.

"is this really what you want to watch?" i ask him, genuinly curious.

"i prefer it to people talking about me to our friends and acting like i don't understand!" he says not angry, but simply, like what had happened had happened and he couldnt care less, he was just commenting.

"aw im sorry haz." i say i think i was beyond sorry as he coughed lightly and put the remaining half of custard pie away, and i knew he wouldnt finish it.



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