The event changed everything, but a story can’t have a central theme unless there are walls to support it, roads that take you there and on, because I can’t just give you a fact and you understand it fully until I explain it. So here it is; I love Harry Styles, but the roads that I take you on to understand may not be one’s that you really want to travel, so heed the signs on the barren roadsides, and understand. I’ll tell you about the days, thirty before and thirty after, encompassing Harry’s attempted suicide.


68. 30 days after

30 Days After:  The smoke from the snuffed out candle clears, and pinpricks of light shine through. There is now talk of a new album for us. Funny, how I had begun to forget about my being in band and all. Niall and Zayn announce their engagement, though Simon says that should wait to be sure.  And, though they barely knew her, they too were marked by the death of Amy Lee, like she had been thunder that struck Harry and me and they had felt the aftershock.  "You should never wait for life to pass you by," Zayn says firmly, and Niall nods. I think they are beginning to understand what life is about, and as Harry smiled at me, I think maybe he is too.  I don't expect Harry to be entirely better. An attempted suicide is not something that one will bounce back from, no matter what. His eyes darken sometimes during the course of the day, but I am not scared. I think he had made up his mind to live, and I have made up my mind to always be here.  "I'm sorry about everything," he tells me that night, as we lay in bed together. "I swear I'm working on everything."  Fidgeting, he adds, "I made arrangements to see a therapist every now and then, just to make sure that I'm staying on the right track. But I'm going to be okay."  His eyes slide past me, to the picture of us at Disney World that sits on my nightstand, and I know what he is thinking, and more importantly what is not thinking.  So for once I fully and undoubtedly believe.  "Everything is going to be just fine," I agree.  

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