5SOS one shots (boys x Reader)


63. All to Well

Y/N remembers how the cold air, once something that she'd despised with the strongest of passions, felt different. It felt more like home than her home ever did. She remembers how the cold air nips at her cheeks and she’s instantly taking in a deep breath and letting the corner of her lips upturn into a little smile as she starts to make her way out the front door.    


Y/N remembers how she once spent a proper twenty minutes looking for this one scarf. Her favourite one. While the others she had were light coloured with patterns, this was a greyish colour and it was plain, and it was her favourite. She remembers already being so emotionally unstable because of the things that had happened thus far that she almost started sobbing because she couldn’t find the damn scarf. And when she remembered that she’d left it at Calum’s sister’s house, her hands instantly went to cover her mouth as she let her back slide against the wall and she let herself cry over a fucking piece of cloth.    


She remembers how she finally managed to pull herself together, pulling out one of the most gaudy scarfs she owned (it was a complete contrast to the plain one that she wanted to wear in the first place) and wrapping it around her neck before stalking out the door with purpose though with no particular destination in mind. She ended up walking past this park that she and Calum used to go to, when he was home, eyes landing on the Autumn leaves gathered on the ground.    


She remembers perfectly well, picturing it as it was, how they’d sang at the top of their lungs during long drives in Autumn. Because it wasn’t too cold and it wasn’t too hot. She remembers looking over at him from the passenger seat and smiling at him, thinking that “I want to spend the rest of my life with this boy”.    


And those thoughts just make her remember the day she realised that she couldn’t always get what she wanted. Life was unfair and probably had this particular grudge against her. She remembers how some days, it felt like the spark that was once a flame so strong was slowly flickering till it would eventually burn out.    


Y/N remembers how this one time, Calum was supposed to pick her up by this little café. He was driving and going to just swing by, pick her up, and then they’d be off to who knows where. She’d be standing with her hands in the pockets of her jeans, back leaning against the wall, eyes shut lightly in content as the wind blew her hair about. She snapped her eyes open when she heard a sharp and prolonged car honk, darting her gaze over to the source of the sound only to smile and let a little giggle past her lips because Calum was the one being honked at and he was blushing, though still looking straight at her with wide eyes. He’d almost ran a red light because he was looking at her. (“It’s because you were standing there looking so fucking beautiful, like a goddamn angel, and you were waiting for me and I didn’t understand how someone like me managed to get with someone like you.”)   


She remembers staying over at the Hood’s this one time (out of the many other times she’d stayed over before). It was midnight and she couldn’t sleep, so she tiptoed out of bed and went to the kitchen for a drink. Her eyes had already adjusted to the darkness so she didn’t bother with turning on any lights, only pulling open the refrigerator light to pour water into the glass she’d taken. Calum had come up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and then when she pulled the glass away from her lips, he turned her around and started dancing with her to no music, with nothing but the light coming from the refrigerator.    


She remembers finally breaking down one day. Everything got too much and she couldn’t take it anymore. She loved him, of course she did. But it didn’t seem like it was enough at the time. She felt like she had the weight of the world, so empty, so uninspired, resting on her shoulders. She remembers the fight with Calum – the worst one that they’d ever gotten into. Maybe she was asking for too much. She knew what she was signing up for when she agreed to be Calum's girlfriend. By asking him to be there for her whenever she needs him (in person or not) was probably her asking for too much.    


She remembers how it felt like her heart was literally breaking as he just looked at her and then he walked straight out the door. He never looked back. And a couple days later, she remembers the call. He called her up just to break her heart even more. Breaks her heart like how he broke the promise of how he’d never break her heart. (“I can’t be what you want, I can’t give you what you want. So… we’re done. We’re done.”) She remembers suddenly feeling like everything was sinking like stone and she was drowning and she felt like she wouldn’t ever be able to breathe again.   


(And Calum remembers how he felt the same. Because she didn’t know this and she would really never know this, but he was a sobbing mess and it took him twenty-three times before he could calm himself down enough to stop his sobs to be able to say those words. He remembers cutting the call and chucking his phone across the room and hearing it shatter but not giving a shit about it as he slumped against the wall and fucking wailed, one hand clutching his chest because the reality had just proper hit him and what he’d done had just ignited a pain so real and deep that it felt like a physical ache in his chest.)   


She remembers how slowly by slowly, the things that she’d used to leave with him came back to her. Everything came back, except for one thing. Her scarf. He hadn’t given it back to her.    


(Calum kept it because it smelled like her and no matter how much he told himself that he had to let her go because this was what was best for her. For them. But he couldn’t because it reminded him of every good moment they shared together and he didn’t want to let go of that.)   


Y/N remembers walking down the street one day, hands buried in the pockets of her jacket. The wind blew in her face, and it felt like home. Her hair blows in the wind and she'd turned to look across the street, only to see Calum standing there, looking right at her. Hands in his pockets, coat buttoned up and hands buried in the pockets, too, with wind blowing through his already messy fringe.    


(And only seen around his neck, tucked under the buttoned coat was a scarf. A greyish one that smelled of a certain girl and reminded him of innocence.)   


Y/N remembers how Calum bit on his bottom lip, smiled slightly and then nodded at her in acknowledgement. She remembers smiling back the slightest bit, nodding back at him (because she couldn’t let him see that she wasn’t her old self yet, that she was still in love with him). Calum gulped visibly and then he continuing on his way. She remembers watching him walk away, then walking away herself (and not catching how Calum had turned back, as though he wanted to approach her but ended up not doing so because she’d walked away. She seemed okay. She was okay, she just wasn't completely fine at all).


She remembers it all. She remembers it all too well.  

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