Let Me Love You

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She let out disgusted noise and rolled her eyes at me, “You probably don't even understand what the concept of loving someone even is, Justin. You keep me locked here in your house and don't let me leave. You don't take me anywhere. You barely communicate with me and you expect me to like you?” I watched her sit up in bed and swing her legs over the side as she looked into my eyes, “You're fucking beautiful, Justin Bieber, but you're fucked in the head. This?” She motioned around the room, “This isn't the way to get me to love you, or even like you for that matter. I've slept next to you every single night for the last how many days and we both lay awake, holding our breaths because you aren't even trying.”

I had to interrupt her, “I didn't want you to feel like I was forcing myself on you.” The frown didn't leave my face as she continued speaking, to say I was confused by her what she said would be an understatement. She wanted me to try?

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12. 07-25 - You're not ruined to me.

~Justin's Point Of View~


It's been 4 days since I'd brought her into the hospital and she was finally being released today. I haven't slept a wink, sitting vigil beside her bed and planning how I was going to torture and kill every single person that put their hands on her in any way. The swelling in her eye had gone down, but they had to put pins in her left arm the day before yesterday. I was a wreck through the entire surgery after having read the fine print of the paperwork that needed to be signed. I was so afraid she wouldn't wake up, but the minute her eyes opened, I cried tears of joy. The Gang had tried everything to get me to leave for a few hours and go home to get some sleep, but I promised her I'd never leave her alone again and I meant it. We've dealt with the police more in the last 4 days than I'd ever wanted to. It seemed like they had endless questions that neither of us could answer, or refused to answer may be a better way to put it. Being who I am, I've learned that if I wanted something done, I needed to do it myself and I couldn't rely on the police or Government to dole out the punishments that were deserved.

Karla had just dropped off some new clothes for Krystal to wear home from the hospital and I helped her dress before signing the release papers. She was still groggy from all the pain medication she was on, but I swore I'd take care of her and I meant it.

"You ready to head home, Baby?" I asked, helping her to the wheelchair that they insisted on wheeling her out in, regardless of the fact that her legs were fine.

"Yeah," She breathed, carefully sitting down to avoid any kind of pain in her ribs or arm or even keep it as minimal as possible. I knew, even with the pain meds, that she was still in some pain. I could see it on her face, no matter how much she tried to deny it for my benefit. I followed as the nurse wheeled her out of the room and into the elevator, not taking my eyes off of her. Karla was waiting out front with the car and it took a minute or two, but we finally got her loaded in and buckled up. I, of course, sat in the back with her so she could lean her head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head and we rode in silence all the way back to the house. Once we got home, I helped her into the house and up to our bed.

"Do you need me to get you anything, Baby?" I finally got her laid down and was brushing the hair back out of her face.

"No, I'm fine," She looked up into my eyes and did her best to offer me a smile. I know that this whole thing really effected her emotionally and the fact that there's nothing I can do to fix it is killing me. I swore to always protect her, but how was I supposed to protect her from this? I just keep reassuring her how much I love her, but she keeps waking up from the nightmares that plague her. In her sleep, she cries and screams, as if she's being raped over and over again and I have no clue how to make it all stop. I swear, I'd give up my own life for all of this to go away for her. Hell, I wish all of this would've happened to me instead of her. I love her more than life itself, but she keeps telling me she's ruined now and that she understands if I want nothing to do with her. That couldn't be further from the truth and I tell her that, but I can't erase this. I can't make her see herself through my eyes. With who I am and the things I've done and plan to do, I probably have no right to pray, but every time she's asleep, that's all I seem to do. I just keep asking God to make this better for her; begging him to somehow guide me in the direction to make her feel whole and perfect again because none of this has changed the way I see her. If anything, I see her strength and it makes me love her even more. I never thought I'd ever love someone this way. I didn't even know this type of love existed until I met her, but I feel like my love won't heal this and it tears me up inside.

"Will you be okay if I go take a shower?" I stared down into her eyes and immediately panic flashed through them as she grabbed me with her good arm.

"Please don't leave me," Her eyes were wide with terror and I could see the tears beginning to collect, ready to fall down her beautiful cheeks.

"I won't leave you, Baby," I crawled over her, careful not to disturb any of her wounds and carefully pulled her into my arms, "I'll never leave you, Princess. You never have to worry." I felt her relax into me as I whispered into her hair, "You're everything to me and I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything on this planet. Nothing will change that, Baby. I promise."

"How could they do this to me, Jay?" She was crying into my chest, wetting my t-shirt with her tears, "How could they do this to anyone? I feel so ruined. I promised you that I'd never let anyone else inside me and now that promise is broken."

"Shhh," I ran my fingers through her hair gently, trying to calm her, "You didn't break your promise to me, Baby and you're not ruined. This was completely out of your control and you're still perfect to me. You'll always be perfect to me. I know you feel different, but I want you to know that nothing has changed between us and nothing has changed the way I see you. It never could. We're gonna get past this and I promise you, I will never let anything like this happen to you ever again. You're my everything and you have no idea how strong you really are."

"I want you to kill them, Jay," She met my gaze, tears still sliding down her cheeks, "I want them to pay for what they did to me."

I smiled down at her and reached up to caress her cheek, "They'll pay, Baby Girl. I swear to God they'll pay for this. You never even have to ask. I will kill every single person that's ever hurt you in any way. You're mine and nobody touches what's mine and gets away with it. When I'm finished torturing and killing them, I'm gonna make it known that no one will ever come after what's mine again. You've given me life again; a reason to live and I won't let anyone get away with trying to take you away from me again."

"Are you still gonna want me? The way you did before? When all my physical stuff heals, are you still gonna wanna make love to me and be close to me like before?"

"Nothing will ever change that, Baby," I shook my head, unable to believe she could even doubt this, "Hell, I still want you right now and if you didn't have a broken arm and broken ribs, I'd show you just how much. I'm here, Babe and I'm never going anywhere. Once we get past this, things will still be the same as they were between us when we went away for the weekend. I'm still planning on our future together. There's no one else I wanna spend forever with and there never will be. We're in this and I'm never gonna turn away from that."

She looked down at my chest, "The only time I feel safe is when you're right here with me," She admitted, looking into my eyes again, "I'd really like to take a bath. I feel so dirty and gross."

~Krystal's Point Of View~

I know he's trying his hardest to get me through this and I love him more for it. I'm just not sure how to stop feeling this way. The last thing I want in this world is to lose him and I feel dirty. I haven't even had a full shower or bath since the incident and I just want to get into the tub and scrub off how dirty I feel.

"I've got a plastic bag under the sink in the bathroom that we can wrap around your cast and then how about we hop in the bath together? Is that okay? Are you comfortable with that?" I swear, he really was the sweetest man I've ever known. One would never expect this side out of him, considering his lifestyle and the walls he has to keep up all the time.

"That sounds perfect," I nodded, removing my body from it's current position and sitting up on the edge of the bed. He immediately hopped up and was at my side, helping me stand and leading me into the bathroom. I watched as he turned on the water and put the plug in the tub before grabbing the plastic bag that he'd said was under the sink. I felt rather helpless as he undressed me carefully. My insecurities were on high, with everything that had happened in the last week, but I still felt comfortable with him. Once he'd gotten me completely naked and wrapped the plastic bag around my cast, he stripped himself of his clothes and lead me towards the tub, stepping in first and then holding out a hand to me to help me step in. He sat down first and then helped me get seated to the best of his abilities. He was leaning back against the tub and I was leaning back against him, the warm water already starting to make me feel better. He grabbed my loofah and lathered it with soap before washing me from head to toe, being as gentle as he possibly could be. He washed me everywhere except for my most intimate areas. I think he was afraid I'd freak out if he tried, so he handed me the loofah to finish washing myself with my good arm.

"I love you, ya know," He whispered, placing a kiss on the back of my shoulder.

"I love you too, Jay," I turned just enough to be able to look into his eyes, "Thank you for all of this. I'd be all alone if it wasn't for you. So, as fucked up as I might be right now, I just wanted to tell you how much it means to me that you're here for me. You're my kind of perfect, Justin and I truly don't know where I'd be or what I'd be doing with myself if you weren't here. I feel so safe with you, like nothing can ever touch me when you're with me."

"Don't thank me, Baby. This is what I'm supposed to do. I'd never let you go through this alone. I love you too much for that. And you are safe with me. I promise. Even though this probably never would've happened to you if I wouldn't have come into your life," He frowned, avoiding eye contact with me.

"Don't say that, Babe," I forced him to look into my eyes, "I'd still be absolutely miserable and I probably would've committed suicide by now if it wasn't for you. You've saved me time and time again, whether you realize it or not and you just continue to save me. I've never had any man ever put me above himself. So, I have every right to thank you. Without you, I'd never be able to get through this."

I watched as he got a far off look in his eyes, "I just hope that I'm enough to actually get you through this," He spoke, his insecurities seeping through his words.

"You're more than enough, Jay," I reached up to caress his cheek softly. I hate what this is doing to him. I hate that he has to see me like this and know the things he knows that I've gone through. As hard as it is on me, I know this isn't easy for him either. This whole thing is unfair and I wish I could turn back time and change it all. It no longer surprises me to think of why he does the things he does. He's not the bad guy. They are. All of them. He's had a reason for every single thing he's done and he has a reason for the things he's about to do. I know he'll never discuss it with me, but I also know that the men that did this to me better bide their time, because he'll keep his word and by the end of this, they'll all be dead. I've never felt more safe or comfortable with anyone in my life than I do him. To be able to look into his eyes and see he's hurting because of how much he loves me, makes me realize that he'd do anything on this earth to keep me safe and to get revenge for what was done to me. I've never had that before and to think, I made this tough gangster break his shell and let me in felt better than anything I'd ever felt before. The world may not realize how amazing Justin Bieber is, but I do and I'll spend forever showing him and making sure he knows exactly how rare and wonderful he really is.

 

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