Dear Diary

This is honestly just a diary. If you wanna read about me go ahead, if you think that you might get along with me message me.


3. Feelings ig


Tris-you know I actually liked you for a while, and I kinda still do. But I know the second that I let my act down that you'll run, run for the hills, tell everyone that everything is not as it seems that I'm just nothing, like a cloud in the sky. I just go from place to place never really happy....

Honestly this is how I feel, I feel like crying. I feel like everything is bad right now, I can’t eat, even when I’m hungry. If I take a bite I can’t eat. If I do end up eating then I just give up, I feel like I have everyone thinking I’m this sweetheart that I’m happy, but in reality it’s just a mask, a bubble, a false reality…… Nobody has seen me cry, except for my father, a few cops, Martha and my mom. I haven’t cried in what seems like hours, but I can feel the tears ready to burst through at any second…...Everyone see’s what I let them, but little do they know they are in on my game, I want to see how far I can get them before I end up breaking. If I go as far as I think I can then I might just be able to get out of here. Maybe if I leave everyone will be happier, but I’m not. I’m going to move in with my mother. I feel like anger, sadness, guilt over nothing I have done, I feel like I don’t need anything that if i was to magically leave nobody would care, but I know it’s a lie just my mind telling me lies. I still wanna cry, I feel it in my chest, but I’m scared that if I do then my dad will come in and yell. I feel my body slowly becoming numb almost like lead, and I can feel the life I have, am I scared of course, but am I happy no. I feel like my days are numbered, like any second could be my last, but I know it’s not, it’s reality playing tricks on me. But maybe if I can make it through this, the yelling the screaming the fighting then maybe just maybe I might survive……………… But I know I can’t I’m not strong enough, I’m too nice, I give people chances and keep letting them take advantage of me until I’m all used up. I’m scared, I feel like running, I wanna get out, but I know I can’t, if I do they’ll find me, and take me back home.I’m crying as I write this, I feel like falling and not getting back up. All I wanna do is sleep, and no matter how much sleep I get I’m still tired, I feel like everything is caving in on me, and I know it is. I feel the suffocation slowly drowning me, but I’m still trying to fight it. If I keep fighting I might reach the top, but that won’t happen it never does…….. I feel fire now, it’s burning me, I can’t make it stop, my stomach feels like it’s ripped from the inside, and I can’t stop the tears from flowing, I’m breaking down, I’m going crazy, and all I want to do is leave, sleep, and be left alone. I’m crazy I know this, but I will never admit it, if I had someone to talk to I’d be put into a mental hospital. All my friends wouldn’t stay with me if I cried, and I wouldn’t be with me either. I have so many problems, and there isn’t enough time for me to write any of them. I’ve tried it before, but it always came back up, it was never enough to make me leave. Maybe I’ll see them, maybe I won’t but I will always remember that I cried. I’m in pain, every where, every muscle bone movement breath i breathe it hurts and i can’t make it stop….. Can somebody please make it stop?

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