Just poems I wrote my Junior year


1. Death poem

I am alive, but still in hell,

I am hurting, but even more so, waiting to hear heaven’s bell,

I know I must stay but it hurts me to see,

That everyone in the family is praying for me,

I know I must get through this time of hurt,

But, right now it feels like my soul is being burnt,

I know it’s hard to get through to this,

when midnight strikes and it feels like the Devil’s kiss,

This journey called life is a long narrowing road,

Sometimes I don’t know if my heart is stone or gold,

The precious times I didn’t value with dad,

The times I was good, the times I was really bad,

I regret all the times I didn’t say “I Love You,”

and now I’m crying in bed and you hear “boo hoo,”

Of all the times I remember, he was really nice,

When I think of him I feel my heart turning into ice,

The way I treated him was really bad,

I wish I would’ve been thankful for all I had.

My Grandma Darlene, so forgiving, so sweet,

Every night, I would feel her kisses on my cheek,

Now she’s gone and gone forever,

until I see her again happier in heaven,

I wish I could cuddle with her, watch movies with her more,

but right now she is inside of heaven’s doors,

I don’t know where I am emotionally at times,

The devil is distracting me, locking me in the darkest prison of made of shriveling grape vines,

He’s trying to blind me, but I see,

I need to live this life and act free as a bee,

I miss the hugs and kisses, so warm and filled with love,

It felt like I was on the wings of a mourning dove.

Nicholas, I love you, my older brother,

Never leave me, or else I will suffer,

I want you to know you are the rest of my heart,

If you pass away, you might as well shoot me with a poison dart,

I love your teasing, the munchkin, rugrat, turkey, shrimp, and all that,

I love you Nicholas, my older brat.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I am a wreck,

Everytime I hear or think dad and grandma’s name it sends sad chills down my neck.

My mother makes it no better,

I always tend to shed tears on her letters,

My mother treats me like crap,

I sit in the dark, read her texts which line up and repeat like a rap,

Everyone tells me, “Ignore her and you’ll be fine.”

Everyone acts like she’s not a mother, and definitely not mine.

I agree with them for they are the ones that gave me everything I have to sleep with in my bed.

I love my mother but she can be a pain, Most of the time knocking in my head.

My mother enjoys to play mind games with me

whether they be about cancer, death, or surgery.

I always turn out in the end of the conversation being a mess.

I don’t know if you see this but if you do,

just know I really really trust you.

Whoever you are, wherever you may be,

I trust you with everything and that might be easy to see.

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