Forever and Always

Alaina has been best friends with the adorable dimple faced curly haired boy, Harry Styles since she was born. They're a week apart and were always stuck by each other for as long as they could remember. She started to develop feelings for him in middle school while he's had feelings for her since they were little. Except they're both oblivious to know how the other one feels about each other. Their lives are far from being picture perfect, especially Alaina's. Her dad is dead and her uncle abuses her every day at home while her mother is not around. She hasn't told anyone about it...including her best friend, the person she trusts the most. On top of that Harry gets a new girlfriend named Danielle and he starts to ditch Alaina for her. It shatters her heart and it makes her miss the times they had together. The times where he didn't ditch her just to be with his snobby girlfriend, and when he showed how much he cares for her. No matter how many times Harry tries to fix things with his best friend, Danielle has to get in between. With all the drama that's going on between them, will they finally confess their love for each other or will everything come crashing down on them and they lose each other forever?


Author's note


35. Chapter 34

Chapter 34   


Harry's POV  



Whenever I'm not with Alaina, I'm always thinking about her. No matter how I'm feeling, she's always in my mind and the thought of her never goes away until I actually have her in my arms where she's safe from the people who hurt her. I don't even have to worry about her or wonder where she is because I have her with me, making the aching feeling in my heart for her go away. Even when I am with her, I sometimes I think about the times we've had together when it would be just the two of us and other times I tend to think about our future together like marrying her, having a few kids together, and living somewhere relaxing. Just being with just her is all I want.    


I even think about my beautiful best friend when I'm with Danielle, even if we just had the best sex we've ever had. I know I shouldn't be comparing the time when I went down on Alaina during that snow day we had together with the relationship I have with my girlfriend who actually cares for me -well at least I think she does but there days when I feel like she's just using me because she doesn't want to feel alone. Even I'm starting to think that I'm doing the same thing as her. - But I don't know what to do.    


I've been so confused with how I feel about both of them lately but I know I care more about Alaina than I do about Danielle. When I'm with Alaina, everything feels right. I can be myself and I feel happy. When I'm with Danielle I feel nothing. I mean...I kind of do but not really. However, I still feel kind of guilty for kissing Alaina and almost going all the way with her behind Danielle's back even though we really weren't officially a couple yet.   


I understand that it's not really a big deal but I told Danielle that I liked really her and wanted to go out with her so I had to keep my commitment. But I couldn't help myself that day when I was with Alaina. I've always been tempted to kiss her for a long time except I never tried to because I was too nervous and I was also in a few relationships with other girls (not at one time though) but once I started seeing Danielle, everything changed.    


When we had that snow day after we got back from winter break, I officially made my decision to kiss her that day but I didn't know when it was the right time to do it. After the power went out in her house, I finally decided to suck it up and try to make my move. So, I touched her knee and when she looked at me, I couldn't hold myself back. I had to do what I wanted to do for a long time. I obviously forgot that I kind of had a thing with Danielle but I didn't care. I wanted to feel Alaina's lips and see how they felt against mine and fucking hell they felt perfect.    


But it got to the point where we were taking each other's clothes off in her room and I went down on her. We were so close to going all the way that morning but her uncle had to come home. After that day, I thought about it and at first, I was thankful that he came home because I thought I would have made a huge mistake if I lost my virginity to Alaina that morning but now just thinking about it, it wouldn't have been a mistake at all if we actually did go all the way. I would have lost my virginity to the girl that I've been in love with since I was 13 and not to some hot girl that I barely even know.    


And who knows? I would probably be with Alaina right now and not with Danielle. I probably would have broken things off with her just so I can be with the girl I actually love. But I've been such a wimp and kept seeing Danielle, thinking my feelings for Alaina would go away but I was wrong. My feelings for her just kept growing and it got to the point where my love for her really started to legitimately hurt me. Sometimes whenever Danielle and I would be having sex, I would still imagine Alaina is underneath me instead of my own girlfriend. That's how bad my feelings for Alaina got. It's just weird how this is happening all of a sudden because I never really felt like this when I was seeing other girls.    


I feel like I should just suck it up and actually tell Alaina how I really feel but I'm so afraid she doesn't feel the same way for me. I mean, it's kind of easy for me to tell because she hasn't tried to make a move on me, she rejected me when I told her to be my girlfriend when she started "dating" Josh, and I can tell she's moved on from our kiss and when we almost had sex. But I still think about just dumping Danielle for good this time and officially telling Alaina how I really feel about her except there's no point in dumping someone who actually wants to be with me and leaving her for someone who probably doesn't feel the same for me.    


Alaina may get upset when I leave her for Danielle sometimes but that doesn't mean anything. She's probably just scared of losing me as her best friend since I'm literally one of the only people that she really trusts. But I should still tell her how I feel and if she rejects me again, then so be it. She may be the girl that I've always wanted but I can't always get what I want.    


"Are you okay, Babe?" Danielle asked me after a moment of silence while snuggling more into my side.    


It's after school now and Danielle and I went on our date like we planned. We went to the movies to see Bridesmaids but then we came back to her house because she wanted me to help her study for French. The study session didn't last long though. We were studying for 30 minutes and the next thing I knew we were under the covers in her bed naked and making out.   


When it was all over, we've been laying here for the past few hours. She's been snuggled up in my side while I've been keeping my hands to myself because I literally felt sick to my stomach. I never felt like that before with her until today. I feel like I could throw up my breakfast and lunch in any second but I've been trying to hide it because I don't want to upset Danielle.    


"Yeah...I'm fine," I replied, obviously lying.    


"Are you sure? Maybe if we go another round...if you're up for it," she teased.    


Damn that sounds like a good idea. But seriously though, I want to get out of here and go see Alaina just like I promised her. I've hurt her so many times ever since Danielle and I started dating and I really want that to stop now.   


"N-No... I have to go,"    


I get out of her bed, making me slip out of her grip and grab my clothes that are scattered on the floor. I feel Danielle bang her fist on her bed and I literally had the nerve to go off at her but I managed to keep my mouth shut and continue to get dressed.  


"I swear if you're going to see Alaina-" she seethed.   


I angrily sigh and whip my head around to look at her. She's sitting up in her bed with her sheets wrapped around her bare chest, looking at me in pure anger. Is she serious right now? When is this going to end? I'm sick and tired of how mad she gets whenever I want to spend time with Alaina. She literally promised me that she'll start trusting me and accept that I need to see my best friend sometimes. Why does she say these things when she doesn't mean it?   


"You'll what?" I snapped, cutting her off.    


She says nothing after that. Yeah that's what I thought. I put on my shirt and then reach down to put on my jeans. Just as I slip on my sweatshirt, I hear sniffles and small cries making me quickly turn around again, finding Danielle wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. What the fuck did I say?    


"Why are you crying?" I asked.    


"Just admit that you don't care about me and go!" She sobbed.    


I look at her all confused and I begin to say something but she cuts me off.


“We just made love and now you're leaving me to see your fucking best friend who means NOTHING to you! I can't believe you're doing this to me! You don't care about me at all! Why are you still with me when you don't even want to stay?" she blabbered.    


I feel my blood begin to boil with anger but I once again manage to keep myself calm. What is her deal? I have to admit that I do feel bad for leaving her after we had sex but I promised Alaina that I would see her today. I can't break my promise because I don't want any drama between us anymore.     


"Just stop crying and get over it!" I groaned as I put on my shoes.    


"Get over what? You not caring about me?" she sniffled.    


I sigh and roll my eyes.    


"I'm not discussing this anymore,"    


"Harry!" She gritted.    


"Goodbye," I mumbled angrily and walk out.    


I shut my door behind me and then make my way downstairs. Before I walk out the door, I say goodbye to her mum who is home for once. As I get outside, I get into my car and I text Alaina to let her know that I'm still coming to see her before pulling out of the driveway. Man, I'm glad I'm out of there. Even though I kind of feel bad for leaving Danielle I'm still glad I left. She's so fucking dramatic. She promised me that she'll respect Alaina and will trust me but once I want to hang out with her, Danielle gets all upset. Sometimes I don't know why I just can't break up with her for good but I know that I'm going to feel bad for her if she gets upset so that's why I keep myself from "hurting" her.    


During my drive to the hospital, I was surprised I didn't hit a lot of traffic even though it's close to being rush hour. I made it there in about 20 minutes and then I go inside. After taking the elevator to Alaina's floor, I make my way down the hall to her room but just as I was about to turn at the corner, I notice Katie was talking to a few police officers. I don't even question why they're here because I think I obviously know why. They're probably here to talk to Alaina about what happened and what she remembers. She was assaulted and almost died so this case is obviously pretty serious. After a few minutes, Katie notices that I'm here so she ends her conversation with the police officers and comes over to me.   


"Harry, I was just about to call you," she said.   


"What's going on?" I asked.   


"Today is not a good day for Alaina," she sighed.   


Then I start to feel worried. What does she mean that it's "not a good day for Alaina"? Are her injuries worse than they expected? Is she dying? There are so many questions that I want to ask but I can't seem to get the words out. Just last night, she was feeling okay so I don't know how she can go from being fine to not being fine.   


"What do you mean?" I managed to ask.   


"Don't get worried or anything, she's okay but emotionally.... it's really starting to get to her. She told me she didn't sleep much last night, doesn’t want to do anything, and she's also going through some mood swings," she explained. "But you're still welcome to stay here with her tonight. I'm sure she'll feel a little better if you did,"   


I nod and then she tells me to follow her down the hall. Oh my god, I can't believe this. My best friend is going through emotional trauma from the abuse. She has felt like this before this all happened, like she had some nightmares, flinched whenever I touched her without warning, and felt unsafe at home if no one was there with her. I always knew she was feeling like that but I didn’t think that she was getting abused.  


Before she finally told me, what was wrong and showed me her bruises, I began to feel guilty. I knew it wasn’t my fault that she was being abused, I felt guilty because I should have known what was wrong when I’ve learned about the symptoms at school. If I even thought about what was going on with her, I would have done something already and she wouldn’t be in this position right now.  


She would have been free before it got any worse. But I didn’t do anything. I wish I did but I was too stupid to notice. Now she’s stuck here injured and feeling emotionally worse than she did before. When Katie and I finally make it to Alaina’s room, she tells me to wait in the hall for a minute. She gently knocks on the door and opens it slowly before walking inside. I hope she wants to see me because I don’t think I would be able to handle it if she didn’t.  


“Alaina, Harry is here. Do you mind if he comes in to hang out?” I heard her ask gently. 


“I guess so,” I hear Alaina reply.  


I feel my heart drop. I mean, I’m glad she wants to see me but she sounds so sad. Katie was right she isn’t feeling okay. I wish I can do something but I know I can’t. Even though her physical injuries are going heal it’s going to be hard for her to recover emotionally. It literally hurts me because I’m not going to see the happy, funny, outgoing girl that I’ve known for a long time.  


I slowly walk inside her room and she’s lying in her bed like she has been since last night. I take one look at her and I notice right away that she looks different. Her face looks pale and she has dark circles around her eyes due to the lack of sleep. I also notice that her neck brace and the bandage around her head is off and she also has a bandage wrapped around her wrist instead of a splint that she had on last night. I guess her injuries in those places weren’t that severe so they took them off.  


Black and blue colored bruises are still very noticeable along her arms and on her face but I know for sure they’ll heal after a few days. Just seeing her in this position makes me so sad. Jamie damaged a beautiful girl. I still don’t understand why he had to do this to her. What did she do that made him so angry? I know I’m never going to have an answer to that but I just want to know why.  


“Hi, Lainey,” I said.  


“Hi,” she mumbled.  


“I have to get back to work but if you need anything the nurse button is right there," Katie said and walks out closing the door behind her.  


Then it was quiet. It’s so quiet that I could probably hear a pin drop. Alaina just continues to lie in her bed scrolling through her phone as I continue to stand there in the middle room not knowing what to do. Since she's not well, I don't know if I'm allowed to sit with her, touch her, or even cuddle her so I guess standing here is my only option until Alaina tells me what I can and cannot do. After a few minutes, she finally looks up from her phone and cracks a small smile when she notices me standing there.  


"You can sit down next to me...if you want," she said.  


"Are you sure?" I asked.  


She nods so I make my way over to her and sit in the chair by her bed. Without thinking, I put my hand on hers but she flinches back, making my heart drop. She's done that in the past if I ever touched her without warning before I found out about the abuse but it still kind of hurts me that she sometimes got startled whenever anyone, especially me, touched her.  


"Oh my god, Lainey! I'm sorry," I said sympathetically.  


"It's fine. I'm used to it," she sighed.  


"Are you sure you're okay?"  


"I'm fine,"  


"Okay. Just making sure," I said.  


By the look on her face, I can tell that she doesn’t mean it but I just pretend to believe her so I don’t bother her with my questions. She just doesn’t seem to be in the mood to answer 20 questions; I can see it in her eyes.  


“How was school today?” she asked. 


“It was fine….boring like usual,” I said. “Speaking of school, I brought some homework that you need to complete before you go back to school,”  


She sighs and slouches in her bed.  


“Are you kidding me?”  


“No. I’m not kidding. I went to all of your classes after school to get it. We also have a biology project that we have to present in front of the class when you get back,”  


“Oh god. I’m probably going to fail that,” she groaned.  


“I doubt it,” I smiled. 


She sighs and tells me to hand her work. She asked me help her to make her finish a little faster since she has a lot of work to do. After we get the other subjects out of the way, I help her pick an idea for her project. She decides to talk about the difference between a plant cell and an animal cell and wanted to put it all on a poster on Sunday when she gets home. I just hope she’s feels okay to go back to school soon because I don’t think I’ll be able to handle not seeing her if she isn’t. Today at school was bad enough so I can’t imagine going to school without her for more than a day. 


When we were done, I help her put her stuff away and she lets me lay beside her on the bed and we watch some TV for a while. While we were watching Family Guy on the TV, I notice Alaina is looking a little down. What I mean by that is, she isn't laughing at the funny stuff like she always did or even cracked a smile. I just hate how she's feeling like this. I already miss the beautiful girl that I fell in love with a long time ago.  


I mean, she's still beautiful obviously but I feel like she's not the same person anymore. Jamie literally damaged her on the inside and outside and it legitimately hurts me because she doesn't deserve to go through something like this at all. I just have the nerve to pull her into my arms and hold her but I hold myself back because I don't want to startle her. It just hurts how the girl I love won't let anyone, including me, touch her without her getting scared.  


Hopefully she recovers soon because I want everything to go back to normal because I don't think I would be able to handle her suffering. I want her to be happy again. I miss my best friend. I know she's right here with me but she's not the same person. I wish I can do something to make her feel better but I know I have to let her recover on her own. Like I said before, I hope that doesn't take a while.  


A few times while we were watching TV, I notice Alaina was dosing off to sleep a little but she would wake up after a few minutes. I hate seeing her like this. In the middle of the episode, we got distracted when we hear a soft knock on the door, which kind of startles Alaina and I had to assure her that everything is okay. Then, the door opens and Shane walks in. He greets me and then goes over to check Alaina's bruises along with her wrist.   


"Okay everything looks pretty good. You should be able to go home on Sunday but I have to take you down to get some tests done before we can really approve of that," he said.   


"Now?" Alaina asked.   


"," he replied and grabs a wheel chair by the door.   


"Um...I'll just go down to the café then," I said as Alaina slowly gets up from the bed. 


I decide to go over and help her. Without thinking, I put my hands on her waist, making her flinch back from my touch and I immediately take my hands off.  


"Lainey....I'm so sorry I wasn't thinking," I said.  


"It's fine, Harry," she mumbled and sits down in the wheel chair.  


"You want to come along, Harry?" Shane asked. "You're free to come along,"   


"No thanks. I have some homework I need to do," I exclaimed and then I turn to look at Alaina who looks a little worried. "I'll be back, okay Lainey,"   


She nods and then I softly kiss her cheek before Shane slowly starts to take her out into the hall. Just as they left, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I take it out and I sigh with frustration when I notice it was Danielle. Instead of answering it, I hit the reject button and turn the sound off before I grab my bag and head on down to the café.  



Author's Note:  


And here's the 34th chapter. Sorry for the filler chapters, I promise more drama is coming soon; I hope you're ready. If you liked this, please review. 


If you read this chapter before and are reading it again, I just wanted to let you know that I edited it because I realized that I made Alaina recover a little too quickly so I decided to make it more realistic and have her go through some struggles that most abused victims go through. Since I never been had PTSD, I looked up some information to learn about it some more so it would be easier to write about. If I make any mistakes then please feel free to correct me and I’ll make sure to remember that in the future.  

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