Out of his shell

What if they never served on the same ship and never became the legendary crew Star Fleet regarded? What if they all met at a nursing home? What if it Spock was in a shell of his own? Much like Jim would be. And all it took was McCoy to be there to tow them both out as much as he will regret it.

Inspired by Jim Carrey's second parody of Star Trek in living color.


31. 31

Upon Jim's return to the holodeck, which was thirty-two minutes after his return home,it was decided that they had to retire their version of Hilson. Jim's character was sent home. The lousy apartment. The one that had a bedroom, a living room, and a bathroom. Jim was laid back on the couch. Spock was sitting down in the adjoining chair reading a novel while the phone buzzed. It was vibrating against the table. Jim's hand moved toward the phone.

"Your ducklings can live without you." Spock said.

Jim's hand snapped back.

"The last time I left them with a patient they almost lost him!" Jim said.

"And he lived." Spock said.

"No thanks to me." Jim grumbled.

"Can't you admit it, House?" Spock asked, lowering the novel. "That your puzzle solving days are over?"

"Over my dead body." Jim said.

"You can't stand not solving a puzzle and the last one was what is leading to your death," Spock said. "Now that they know what the patient has but since you are so far along and at deaths door, they can't help you."

Jim paused.

"Maybe I am wrong." Jim said.

"You are never wrong." Spock said.

"There is a first for me." Jim said.

"You can't bargain with Death, House, or with God." Spock said.

"Like you did with my ducklings?" Jim said.

"You could not possibly have heard us. You were comatose." Spock said.

"Wilson, Wilson," Jim said. "You know I wouldn't leave you alone. Right?"

Spock sighed.

"But you will." Spock said.

"I won't." Jim said.

"Everyone dies, House, and everyone lies. When people say "I won't leave you" that's a lie, you know that. Everyone leaves me. That's just how life works for me. Life and cancer and I have a hate-hate relationship." Spock said. "You are my greatest and best friend I ever had. I am glad that you came into life the way you did bailing me out of jail."

Jim cleared his throat.

"Touching." Jim said.

"You allowed me to meet the female version of you." Spock said. "That shows how touching it is."

"Jimmy," Jim said. "I have to go pee."

Spock placed the book onto the counter.

"Take my hand." Spock said, coming over to the younger man's side.

Jim reached his hand out taking Spock's hand rather than his forearm. His sockless feet could feel the soft, but comfy rug. The feeling in his legs were going. For now, his brain was thinking it could move his legs. Jim forced his right leg forward. Spock ignored the jolt of sensation circulating through his hand, fingers, and then to his brain. Spock slipped the man's hand over his own shoulder. Jim leaned to his side against Spock's shoulder. Spock continued onwards heading in the direction of the bathroom. Jim felt content. Spending the last moments Jim could stand with someone who he cared about. Someone who he wouldn't lose forcefully. Someone who would always be there. Through thick and thin. Someone who would never leave Leonard. Wait, why was he thinking this way? Unless . . . Nah. A man his age can't tell when he is going to die. When, where, and why. Jim could feel the last tingles in his toes pressing on the wooden floor.

"You know, Wilson," Jim said. "For a guy who loves everyone despite their crutches. . . Don't name a kid Gregory Wilson."

"I will not." Spock said.

"Or Hilson." Jim added.

"Hilson?" Spock said.

"House plus Wilson." Jim said. "Don't be a sneaky fox and try to name the kid after me."

"I am not a sneaky fox, House," Spock said, insulted. "I wouldn't go behind your back."

"You forget that you are the man who drove me to my father's funeral." Jim said.

"For your own well being." Spock said.

"He wasn't my father." Jim said. "My father is a friend of the family and a nut case. Religious fanatic! All there is under his skin is religion."

"Thank the natural terrible world you are an atheist!" Spock said.

"I would make a terrible religious fanatic." Jim noted.

"I am glad you are a doctor." Spock said.

"I am glad you are my partner, for better or for worse." Jim said.

"House. . . " Spock briefly paused. "Back in Las Vegas--"

"You can only tell Cuddy when I am dead." Jim said.

"That I married you?" Spock said.

"Yes. Then you can change your last name or keep it, whichever you like." Jim said.

"James Evans House, the greatest cancer news deliver there ever was and the man who beat it." Spock jokingly said.

"Don't push your luck." Jim said.

They arrived into the bathroom.

"Do you feel steady enough to pee on your own?" Spock inquired.

"I can do it." Jim said.

"I will remain outside and count to five minutes." Spock said, slinking Jim's arm off his shoulder.

The toilet seat was up. Spock closed the door behind himself. Then he began to count to five minutes by each second mentally. He heard the sound of pee striking the toilet loud and clear. Sure, he had been making sure the man enjoyed being able to walk in every way he could. In every sense of the word, truly. The only thing that mattered was Jim being happy. Leonard would grinning like the chesire cat if he had heard how Spock had been ever so kindly changing the holodeck adventure to suit his needs. To make Jim feel important. McCoy would reiterate what he said earlier, "You are a sweet, elderly Vulcan." He heard a long knocking that drew him out of contemplating while counting the seconds. Spock made his way down the hall walking further and further away from the door. He came to the door leading into Jim--House's apartment.

Spock opened the door to see a dripping wet Cuddy with her hair in a mess and her face pale. She was panting holding a vile in one hand. She had her hands on the side of the frame. She wore a long black coat. She was in one of her pretty, flashy attire that complimented her personality. Except, her mascara was messed up. She had her shoulder back slipped on her elbow. Spock raised one of his dark eyebrows at the woman. She had apparently run in the rain. How far? Spock had no idea. He could only reason she had run a great length to the man's house.

"Cuddy?" Spock said.

"We can make him live another year." Cuddy said. "If he gets the cure immediately before dying." Spock's heart sank. "Where is he?"


"He was in the bathroom." Spock said.

Cuddy's eyes widened.

"Computer, pause program." Spock said.

Cuddy was frozen appearing to be horrified. The water dripping from her long coat had stopped mid-way. It seemed time itself had frozen with a single command Spock came down the hall then wheeled out Jim's wheelchair from the bedroom. He opened the bathroom door where he could see Jim set on his side, posing, like role model on the floor but with a grin. Jim had one hand on the side of his waist. Jim appeared to be rather pleased with himself.

"How was my timing?" Jim asked.

"Well timed." Spock said, reaching his hand out toward the man.

"Pleased to hear." Jim took Spock's hand.

Spock helped Jim up into his wheelchair.

"I am glad she wasn't thrown away." Jim said. "It seems like this is the only model acceptable for me."

"That is because it is acceptable for one Professor X fan." Spock said.

"You got that right." Jim said. "Let's watch a tennis match."

The scenery melted before them and the doors to the holodeck appeared. Spock wheeled Jim out of the holodeck. They could always return to the House M.D. Universe with a little modifications here and there, but mostly and importantly, it had to feature Bones. Jim saw that Bones fit Cuddy's role. It was a love-hate relationship. It felt right to feature him in it, besides, he was their middle part of the sandwich only grumpy.

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