We'll All Go Together When We Go

Davis is a gay satire song writer. Jack and Leanne are hopelessly in love. Martin has just broken up with Agnes. Mel is new and single and perfect for Martin. As Davis, Jack, Leanne, Martin and Mel enter year their final year of school, none of them expect World War Three to erupt around them.

I should probably say that this is a satire musical and if you are easily offended then you should probably leave the internet now. The songs used were written by Tom Lehrer who is a genius. As I am British, I have adapted some of the U.S lyrics for U.K lyrics. I have also updated some of the songs to reflect the society we live in. I have included videos of the original songs at the end of each song.


7. Scene 7

(Martin, Jack and Davis are huddled smoking)

Jack: She still not talking to you?

Martin: Nope.

Davis: She does have good reason. (Martin whacks him) Any idea of what you’re going to do?

Martin: Nope.

Jack: See now, that’s why I love Leanne. When I told her about Agnes she just laughed.

Martin: Yeah, well we can’t all have perfect girlfriends, Jack.

Davis: Better not let Mel hear you say that or you’ll be in even more trouble.

Martin: It’s all right for you, Davis. You’re gay. You don’t have to deal with women. What am I going to do?

Jack: Grovel

Davis: Beg.

Jack: Plead.

Davis: Buy her flowers.

Jack: Give her great sex.

Dave: Give her chocolate.

Jack: Seriously, try the sex. Worked with Leanne.

(Mel struts on, pointedly ignoring the boys.)

Davis: Look, there she is! Now go grovel.

(Martin goes to move but Jack holds him back.)

Jack: Hang on a sec – we’re all meeting at mine later. If things go well then bring Mel and we’ll celebrate, if not… Let’s just say that Arnie said he had new stock that should make you feel better, all right?

Martin: Cool. See you later. (Exits after Mel)

Davis: I thought Arnie wasn’t working anymore?

Jack: What?

Davis: Yeah, didn’t he get caught in possession?

Jack: Fuck! What now?

(Davis and Jack walk off)

Martin: Mel, wait! Hey, wait up!

Mel: Go away, Martin.

Martin: (Panting) No, seriously Mel, wait up. I think I’m having a heart attack.

Mel: What do you want, Martin?

Martin: (Still panting) I just… I’m… phew… I’m really

Mel: Sorry?

Martin: No. Winded. (Mel walks away) But sorry works too. (Catches her up) Seriously, Mel, I am really, really sorry.

Mel: How sorry?

Martin: As sorry as I’ll ever be about anything ever.

Mel: Prove it.

Martin: (Falls to his knees and comically shouts) PLEASE! Please, Mel, please! Love me again…(carries on with more romantic nonsense.)

Mel: (Leans in to kiss him) Not good enough.

Martin: I ache for the touch of your lips dear, 
But much more for the touch of your whips dear,
You can raise welts like nobody else
As we dance to the Masochism Tango

Let our love be a flame not an ember
Say it's me that you want to dis-member
Blacken my eye, set fire to my tie
As we dance to the Masochim Tango

At your command, before you here I stand
My heart is in my hand……eeeaalluch
It's here that I must be
My heart entreats, just hear those savage beats
And go put on your cleats,
And come and trample me

Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany
That's why I'm in such exquisite agony
My soul is on fire; it's a flame with desire
Which is why I perspire when we tango

You caught my nose in your left castanet, love 
I can feel the pain yet, love
Every time I hear drums
And I envy the rose, that you held in your teeth, love
With the thorns underneath, love
Sticking into your gums

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches
The last time I needed 20 stitches
To sew up the gash you made with your lash
As we dance to the Masochism Tango

Bash in my brain, and make me scream with pain
Then kick me once again
And say we'll never part
I know too well, I'm underneath your spell
So darling if you smell something burning it's my heart….hic…excuse me…

Take your cigarette from its holder
And burn your initials in my shoulder
Fracture my spine
And swear that you're mine
As we dance to the Masochism Tango




(Mel and Martin kiss)



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