We'll All Go Together When We Go

Davis is a gay satire song writer. Jack and Leanne are hopelessly in love. Martin has just broken up with Agnes. Mel is new and single and perfect for Martin. As Davis, Jack, Leanne, Martin and Mel enter year their final year of school, none of them expect World War Three to erupt around them.

I should probably say that this is a satire musical and if you are easily offended then you should probably leave the internet now. The songs used were written by Tom Lehrer who is a genius. As I am British, I have adapted some of the U.S lyrics for U.K lyrics. I have also updated some of the songs to reflect the society we live in. I have included videos of the original songs at the end of each song.


3. Scene 3

(A classroom. Jack is leaning back on his chair shooting spit balls at the ceiling. Martin is asleep. Davis is doodling. The rest of the class is in similar disarray. A teacher sits at a desk to one side marking papers. Suddenly he stands up and makes a loud noise: starching his fingernails against a blackboard, dropping a heavy book, etc. Martin jolts awake.)

Teacher: Well then class. I hope you have finished that exercise because if you haven’t then you will be completing it for homework on top of the homework that I am about to set you.

(Jack raises his hand.)

Jack: Sir!

Teacher: Yes?

Jack: I am not going to be able to do the homework, sir.

Teacher: And why not?

Jack: Because I don’t understand it, sir.

Teacher: What don’t you understand?

Jack: Any of it, sir.

Teacher: Do you know what I am, Mr Jacobs?

Jack: Uh, a Teacher?

Teacher: Yes, exactly. I am a teacher. Do you know what that means? It means that I have been trained to teach you. So if you do not understand then that is hardly my fault.

If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am.
I'm a brilliant math'matician - also something of a ham.
I have tried for numerous degrees, in fact I've one of each;
Of course that makes me eminently qualified to teach.
I understand the subject matter thoroughly, it's true,
And I can't see why it isn't all as obvious to you.
Each lecture is a masterpiece, meticulously planned,
Yet everybody tells me that I'm hard to understand,
And I can't think why.

My diagrams are models of true art, you must agree,
And my handwriting is famous for it's legibility.
Take a word like "minimum" (to choose a random word),
For anyone to say he cannot read that, is absurd.
The anecdotes I tell get more amusing every year,
Though frankly, what they go to prove is sometimes less than clear,
And all my explanations are quite lucid, I am sure,
Yet everybody tells me that my lectures are obscure,
And I can't think why.

Consider, for example, just the force of gravity:
It's inversely proportional to something - let me see -
It's r^3 - no, r^2 - no, it's just r, I'll bet -
The sign in front is plus - or is it minus, I forget -
Well, anyway, there is a force, of that there is no doubt.
All these formulas are trivial if you only think them out.
Yet students tell me, "i have memorized the whole year through
Ev'rything you've told us, but the problems I can't do."
And I can't think why!




   (four minutes fifty seconds into the video.)


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