We are just friends.

But if we are then why do I feel funny when I see him?
Why do I want him to hold me?

If we are just friends then why did Calum say he loves me?


5. 5

Katie and Bex are coming over today. I was more than a little nervous.

They were two of my best friends but I was still nervous.

I though about what happened yesterday with Calum. My heart started to race and I felt sick inside. Thinking about how I told him that I hated him, and the pain in his face after I said it. I just wanted to run over to his house and hug him, and never let go.

I stood by my window in a black sweater and my underwear for a little bit, just looking at the sky. It was a really nice day. But I wasn't fond of going outside.

I walked over to my bed and sat down, looking over at my piano and violin. They were all that I played. Well, I could play guitar but I was more into playing the piano when I wrote songs.

Yeah, I write.

I always thought about giving Calum one of my songs to read, but I never did. Calum did see some of the musical pieces that I wrote to play on my violin. He would make me play them all the time.

I pulled myself off of my bed and walked over to my piano, and sat down at the seat. Closing my eyes; I placed my fingers on the keys. I started to play Love's Sorrow by Fritz Kreisler. It was one of the many songs I knew by heart.

I added my own dramatic twist once I had gotten to the end. The song means a lot to me. My aunt would play it to me when I was young, and I would fall asleep under the piano.

I took a deep breath then got up. Looking down I realized I still didn't have any pants on. I laughed at myself and grabbed some black jean shorts. Then, like the flop I am, I fell back onto my bed.

What a little life I have.


I sat in my room looking out the window. I didn't know what the hell was going on. Was it something I had said to her. Last night I got home and started freaking out. My sister came running in to calm me down.

"Calum what's wrong, stop screaming!" She said.

I was a mess of tears, and frustration, and anger.

"Calum talk to me." She pleaded.

"Fucking April, she, she said she hates me." I cried.

"Why?" Mali asked.

"I don't fucking know." I said, almost yelling. "She can't hate me, she's my best friend, I, I care about her to much, Mali I don't know what's going on."

"I don't think she meant it Calum." Mali soothed.

"But what if she did, what if she never talks to me again Mali, if she never talks to me again then....then I'll-" Mali cut me off.

"You'll be heart broken." She paused. "Calum....do you love her?"

I stayed quiet, not knowing how to answer.

"I don't know." I said like a dumb ass.

Mali rolled her eyes. "Well how do you fell when you are around her, or when you think about her, and don't lie Cal."

"Well, when I'm around her I'm happy, like she just makes me feel like I can be myself, and when she smiles, my chest gets tight and I just want to grab her and hug her really tight. She's so sweet and nice and talented and cool and beautiful. Sometimes in the summer late at night when she is home alone, she would play her piano but would leave the window open, so I would sit at my window and just listen to her play. She is so good at playing piano, I love it when she does." I said.

"Yeah." Mali said, so I knew she was listening.

"And the one night that we snuck out at 1 am and went to the park, the stars that night were unreal. When I looked over at her she was looking up at them like she had never seen the stars before. They would reflect in her eyes. Then she looked at me and said, 'all of these stars remind me of the lost people, like me and you, so one day, the heavens put all of the lost up in the sky, and they turned out to be the most beautiful thing,when everyone else thought they were ugly' and when she said that to me, I saw everything differently." I said like a toddler.


"And the time in second grade when our aunt died. She came running over here and bursts threw the front door. She looked at me and saw me crying and it looked like the world had ended in her eyes. She reached out to hold my hand saying 'don't cry, it's okay you don't need to cry.' April cares so much about people, and, I... I'm, I'm so glad that she cares about me." I said mumbling the last part.

"Well gosh Calum, I think you should go see her, and ask her out on a date or something." Mali suggested.

"A date?!" I said.

"Yeah, you like her Calum, as cliché as it is. She likes ice cream and music, so take that and run with it, as in a date I mean." Mali said, walking out of my room.

"On a date." I said to myself.

*******APRILS POINT OF VIEW*******

I heard a knock on the door, and jumped to my feet. I dashed down the stairs and to the door.

My hand rested on the knob as I caught my breath for a second, then pulled the door open.

"Hi guys." I said as my eyes landed on my friends. "K-Katie why are you crying?"

"They were playing Brother by Falling in Reverse in the car, and it really hit the heart today." Katie said in between so light sobbing.

"You were the one who wanted to play the song!" Bex said.

"I know I did!" Katie yelled.

"Oh my gosh you two, get your asses in my house." I giggled.

The girls laughed a little and started to walk into my house.

"Oh Ashton I didn't know you were coming." I said when I saw him.

"Yeah, I hope that's okay with you that I came." Ash said in the cutest shy little way.

"Yeah that's fine." I smiled.

The four of us walked up to my room. I fell back into my bed, my head landing on Bex's lap.

They started off by talking about some stuff that I missed from school, and some other things that had happened, then we moved on to more interesting topics.

"So wait, Ashton are you telling me that you have never seen a chipmunk?" Katie asked while laughing.

"Nope, I swear I haven't." Ash chuckled.

"Wow Ash." Katie laughed, and lightly rested her hand on his shoulder.

Ashton looked a little nervous at her touch, like she scared him.

"Hey, April do you have any juice?" Bex asked.

"Uh yeah." I said.

"Alright, I'm gonna go get some, I'll be right back." Bex smiled and stood up.

"I'm gonna go get a water." Katie said, and followed Bex downstairs.

As soon as they left Ashton looked at me.

"April, I need to tell you something." Ashton said.

"Okay, what's up?" I asked.

"I, um I." He struggled.

"Come on Ashton, it's okay you can tell me." I smiled.

"I, I have a crush on Katie, like, I really like her." Ashton said, starting to blush really bad.

"Awe." I gushed.

"April, what do I do? What if she doesn't feel the same way?" Ashton asked worried.

"Well, if she doesn't then you can't force it, but she talks about you all the time, maybe she does like you and she hasn't realized yet." I said with a sweet smile.

"Yeah, I guess that's true." Ashton smiled.

"We're back!" Bex sang.

"Oh great." I said sarcastically while laughing.

"Hey! You missed me." Bex yelled.

We all started laughing.


I went back to school this week. It sucked but whatever.

Calum and I barely talked. I felt awful for what I had said to him that day.

I don't hate him, I could never.

It didn't feel right. It was like there was a part of me missing when Calum just sat there with nothing to say.

The first two days of me being back at school was full of getting work and turning it in. It was really stressful. But I pulled threw.

It was Wednesday and I was walking to my locker. I grabbed my stuff and closed it up, waiting for Luke so we could go to class. But before Luke got to me, Colin did.

Colin was the kind of teen who did a lot of drugs. Like a ton. He smoked a lot of weed and drank a lot of alcohol. This morning he seemed pretty high or drunk.

He came up to me and shoved me against the wall. Colin pinned me there and got really close to me.

"You disgust me." He spat.

His knee collided with my stomach. Then he just started to beat me.


I stood by Michael as we engaged in a little chat about the band. My eyes drifted over to April's locker where she would always stand. But she wasn't there today. My head turned a little bit more to try and find her.

I found her getting beat up by the ass hat Colin. I don't know what came over me but I raced over there and without any hesitation I connected my fist with his face.

He fell over and I jumped on top of him, starting to beat the shit out of him. He put up a good fight, but I was enraged with anger so he stood no chance.

"CALUM." I could hear April yell.

She ran over to me and grabbed my shoulders, trying to pull me off of him. What I didn't know was Colin lifted his leg and kicked her away.

"April!" I called, turning to see if she was okay.

Colin shoved me off of him and ran over to April. He grabbed April by her hair and pulled her off the ground. Then he punched her square in the jaw. Colin then let her go, letting her fall to the floor, and began stomping on her leg.

I jumped up and grabbed him. He took hold of April agin as I pulled him back. April started to hit him, trying to get away.

"Stop this now!" Mrs. Patty our principal yelled as she ripped the three of us away from each other.

I looked over at April, who was curled up on the ground in pain.

"Calum, April, to my office now, and Mr. Dun please take Colin to your room." Mrs. Patty commanded.

Mrs. Patty walked off with Mr. Dun and Colin to his room leaving April and I.

I sat up and crawled over to April. I leaned over her like a blanket and whispered in her ear.

"Can you get up?" I asked.

"I, I.. My leg, it really hurts." She whimpered.

"Okay, I'll help you." I said.

She sat up slowly and looked at me with those big eyes. I smiled and wrapped my arms around her to help her stand up.

She did the same and wrapped her harms around me.

Honestly it felt good, being this close to her, getting to hold her and feel her heart beat. Her soft breath against my skin. She clung onto my shirt like a lost little kid. But at the same time she looked like she felt safe in my arms, as if she had found her family again. I just wish she had felt the same way about me.

"Calum, thank you." She said.

It felt good though, for her to appreciate me.

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