invisible // muke

"You've made me feel so much happiness and I don't want to ever leave that happiness." It's March 22, 2013; our one month. A moment I'll cherish forever and a moment I'll never forget.

There are mentions of self harm, suicide, abuse, and depression. If you have any of these problems and just need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open ❤️


26. can't live without you // owl city

Ashton grabs me by the shoulders to stop my pacing.
"Get it together, mate. You have two hours." He says calmly. I take a deep breath, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth.
"Why am I getting so nervous? This is so dumb." I shake my head, moving away from Ash to continue my pacing.
"Because you've never done this before. It'll be fine. Michael will be right there with you." Ashton smiles at me softly. I sigh again and Calum walks in by himself.
"Ash, Michael is like freaking out and cr-" Calum cuts himself off when he sees me grabbing my hair and pacing to the point of tears.
"You don't think I know that already?" Ash says, sighing.
"I see your point." Calum sighs also. "Well I'll be in there telling Michael that Luke is acting the same exact way." Cal says, kissing Ash quickly, probably hoping that I didn't notice. I stop in my tracks, looking at both of them.
"What was that? What did you just- what?" I stutter quickly, staring at them in confusion. Ash rubs the back of his neck.
"We uh." Ash laughs a little, his face red. A smile forms on my face.
"It's cute. How long?" I ask, smiling.
"About a month." Cal answers, his face as red as Ashton's. I grin widely.
"Cal, go tell Michael that I said that it's going to go fine and that I love him." I tell Calum. He nods, scurrying out of the room.
Sorry I never to-"
"No, it's cool. You guys are cute anyways." I smile.
"Wow your nerves left pretty quick." He smiles. I shake my head, still smiling.
"Nope, I'm just happy you two are together, I'm still scared."

We both sit down, sighing in relief that the actual ceremony is over and we are on our way to the reception area. A lot of family came. I'm kind of glad we had it here at home. I feel better having our wedding here in Sydney instead of in LA. Everyone we love is here. Plus it's cold this time of year in the US. It's February 22, 2017 and it's now our wedding anniversary date. We decided to make it our 4 year anniversary so then we only have to remember one date. I take Michael's hand smiling at the rings on his finger. We ended up getting bigger bands for our wedding and we had smaller ones for our engagement. Michael kisses my hair and then my cheek.
"I love you so much." He smiles at me. I smile back at him, kissing him softly.
"I love you too." He smiles more and his eyes are the brightest I've ever seen them.
"Casey said that she went to the doctor today. Hopefully it works." He smiles. I nod, smiling. Casey is our surrogate mother. She's also one of my close friends from high school that I've kept in touch with. She's the only one from high school that I made sure to keep in touch with. Outside of everything with the band, she was always there for me through everything. She wanted to do this for us. Michael holds his phone up, kissing my cheek. He takes a picture of us, putting it on his Instagram. "I'm done hiding it. We're married now and I shouldn't have to hide it." He says, kissing my cheek again and continuing to edit the picture for Instagram. 

The song we first ever slow danced to comes on as planned. Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls. It's become one of my favorite songs. As we are slow dancing for the first time as a married couple, I put my head on Michael's shoulder as we sway back and fourth. 
"I love you and I will always love you. Nothing will keep me from loving you. If I die one day and leave you and the kids behind, just to let you know, I'll love you forever." Michael whispers to me. Tears start to form in my eyes at the thought of way back when I found him at his first attempt. I will never forget the events of that day. He scared me to death and I don't ever want to leave him. I don't want him to ever leave me.
"Please don't ever leave me. I love you so much too and to think that one day I will never see you again, makes me so upset. It's not allowed to be soon at all. I want you to live a long life. A very long life." I stop, sniffling as tears bleed onto his dress shirt. "Michael, you are the love of my life. I will love you forever. You mean everything to me." I look at him and he wipes my tears, kissing me softly. 
"I know."

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