Sometimes, things are meant to be.

And sometimes they're not.

Unfortunately, the difference isn't always clear. And accepting that things aren't meant to be can be difficult. Sometimes, it's nearly impossible.

ob·ses·sion: /əbˈseSHən/
*the state of being obsessed with someone or something.
*a ruling/consuming passion.
"He cared for her with a devotion bordering on obsession."


29. Ch 28 - Boy Toy

Ashton sat up and removed his shirt. Damn. I didn't even try to hide the fact that I was practically drooling. "Okay, your turn," he said with a mischievous grin.

I took in his features that were highlighted by the moonlight pouring through the huge window. Absolute perfection. I wiggled out from under him enough to sit up as well. I reached one shaky hand up to touch his chest, and that's when the reality of it all hit me. Leave it to me to finally be getting what I want, and question it.

"I hope it was okay that you left your own party like that."

At first I thought he wasn't going to acknowledge my concern, because he leaned forward and kissed my neck, right there in that perfect spot just under my ear. Just that one simple touch took my breath away.

"Pretty sure I can do whatever I want if its my party, right?" he said softly next my ear, then proceeded to the other side and kissed me in the same spot. I thought I may legit explode. If a simple kiss had me feeling that way, how was I going to be able to handle more?

"Guess so," I managed to whisper.

Then he said, "Speaking of the party, what were we talking about before we left? Oh yeah, I believe you said you wanted to fuck me." He pushed against me until I was lying back again, and he situated himself between my legs. "Do you still want me?" Aggressive Ashton did things to me that I didn't know were possible.

He started kissing the exposed skin of my abdomen and I could only moan a response. He looked up at me and asked, "Is that a 'yes'?"


He began tugging on my top, which was quite snug, so he was having difficulty removing it. He cursed, and we both ended up giggling. So I helped him out, and went ahead and removed my bra while I was at it. I was trying my best to let go of all inhibitions, something I wasn't very good at. Truthfully, I kind of wanted to go crawl into a hole at that moment. I felt so exposed and vulnerable. But Ashton, knowing my insecurities, didn't take his eyes from mine. Instead, he cupped my face with one hand while supporting his weight with the other arm, and placed the softest kiss on my lips. Finally.

He pulled back and stared at me, still holding my face. I had a thousand thoughts going through my head, but the one that made it to my mouth was, "Are you sure about this? You just ended a relationship. And besides that, our friendship is more important to me than being your rebound." God bless. Why couldn't I just turn my brain off and go with the flow? I just knew I was about to ruin everything.

It didn't seem to deter him, though. He got out of the bed and took the rest of his clothes off while saying, "First of all, that relationship has been over for a long time. Secondly, what we have is more than a friendship, and I think you know that. And thirdly, you can't be my rebound if I've been wanting you from the start. So unless you're having second thoughts, I'm pretty damn sure I want this." And to prove just how sure he was, he positioned himself back over top of me and pushed his hips into mine. Yep, he was pretty damn sure.

I wasn't going to question it anymore. I decided it was best to keep my mouth shut and enjoy the ride while I could, because who knew what would happen afterwards.

He took his time and kissed nearly every part of my body that was already undressed. Then he continued moving downward as he finished undressing my bottom half, making sure to include every body part. Every. Single. Part. And when he finally reconnected our lips, as ridiculous as it sounds, there was so much passion it was truly like I was living a dream; A fantasy that had played out in my head so many times before, but never once did I entertain the idea that it would actually happen. But somehow it was. And it was more than I could have ever imagined, like something that only happens in a story.

For the first time ever, I found out that it really is possible to have such an intense sexual experience that you're left totally exhausted. I thought that only existed in movies. It was the perfect mix of sweetness and aggressiveness. Both times.

I don't remember talking at all afterwards. That would have taken too much effort and energy that I didn't have. I only remember lying on his shoulder as he played with my hair, and falling asleep to the rhythmic movement of his chest rising and falling.


We hadn't bothered closing the curtains, so the sunlight woke us up far earlier than we would have liked after such a long night. But since we were awake, we made the most of our time together.

I'd been worried that he'd regret sleeping with me once he woke up. But he proved me wrong when he pulled me on top of him as soon as we were awake. He didn't even have to tell me what he wanted, because I wanted it, too. I know I had to look hideous with my slept-in makeup and crazy sex hair. But I was in such a state of bliss that I really had no fucks to give.

Neither of us had any place to be since he was leaving for LA the next day, and Traci and I weren't flying home till the next day either. We figured we'd need a day to recover before going back to real life, and had planned accordingly. So it worked out perfectly.

After showering and ordering room service, we did get dressed, kind of. I wore another one of his t-shirts, and he at least put on a pair of shorts. I was glad to have nothing to do for the day, because, even though I felt amazing, I also felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Every muscle in my body felt overworked. I guess they had been.

I did call and make sure Traci was okay. Calum was true to his word and got her back to the hotel safely. And he even stayed with her until she was asleep. I was going to offer to go back to our hotel so she wasn't alone, but she had other plans.

"Fuck, no, Bree," she groaned. "I've never been so hungover in my life. I'm just gonna lay here and die all day. There's no sense in you watching me when you can be spending time with Ashton. Who knows when you'll get to see him again." I'm telling you, she was the best friend in the world.

Ashton and I didn't leave the room all day. Well, unless you count hanging out on the balcony for a little while. It was fairly private, as long as you didn't look over the side so people could see you. So that's where we ate our lunch.

We had pulled two chairs out there and were chowing down on the best hamburgers I'd ever had in my life, when Ashton randomly asked, "Have you been with many men?"

I choked a little on the fry I was eating and had to take a drink of water before I answered. But also, I was stalling, trying to buy myself some time because I didn't really want to answer. "Um, no. Why, is it that obvious?" I laughed nervously.

"No, not at all. Just curious. I want to know everything about you, and that something I don't know. So, how many?"

"Well," I fumbled with my words. On one hand I didn't want to sound pathetic. But on the other hand, maybe he'd see it as a good thing. I pretended I was counting my past conquests on my fingers. When I'd used up all 10 fingers and started making another round, you should have seen the look on Ashton's face. But I'm terrible with jokes, and started laughing, so I ended the charade. "Okay, one. Exactly one."

He looked at me oddly for a moment. "You're shitting me, right?" I shook my head. "But wait. So, you're saying that you've only been with your ex-husband?" I nodded this time. He considered my answer for a moment, the asked, "Have you been with him since you separated?"

I knew where he was going with the questions, which is why I didn't want to answer in the first place. But whether it was out of curiosity or concern, he had the right to know, so it was a legit question. I went ahead and said it for him. "I haven't had sex in nearly four years. That asshole was the only guy I'd ever been with, until now. Thanks for basically taking my second virginity, by the way. I hope I didn't suck too much." What a lame attempt to make it funny.

Ashton looked at me in disbelief at first. "Wow. That's admirable. Oh, and you sucked just the right amount."

I basically died right then and there. I covered my face with my napkin, completely humiliated, while he laughed his ass off at his much better joke. Eventually, he pulled my hands away from my face.

"Sorry, but you gave me the bait and I took it. I had to." He was still laughing.

"Anyway," I said, attempting to change the subject from me giving him a blowjob that morning. "In my position, basically working around the clock between my job and spending every other minute with two small kids attached to my hip, sex has been the last thing on my mind. It's not like I haven't had the opportunity I guess, but I've only been asked out twice, by men who work at the hospital. Once by this lab guy who gives me the creeps when he's anywhere near me. And the other is the maintenance director, who's actually old enough to be my dad. And, as you know, I prefer younger guys." He smiled and winked at that part. "These occasional concert trips are the only time I'm away from my kids other than when I'm working. And, well, I've never gotten a band member to notice me until you, so... yeah."

"What do you mean you've only been asked out twice? Are all the men where you live blind?"

"No, just losers and weirdos."

Ashton reached over and took my hand. He kissed it and held onto it. "Well, I'm glad. Because if they weren't, you probably wouldn't be here with me right now."

Those words went straight to my heart. "After going through that awful divorce, I told myself that I would never settle for less than perfection again. I deserve it, damnit, and so do my kids."

"So, are you saying I'm perfection?" he joked.

"Nah. You're just a boy toy, something to keep me occupied until Mr. Perfect comes along."

He definitely didn't find that funny at all. There was a moment of silence until he asked, "Is that really how you feel about me?" He picked at his food and avoided eye contact while he waited for me to answer.

"God, no! Ashton, you know better. It was another stupid attempt at a joke. I don't mean it at all. I'm sorry."

He clammed up and continued to pout despite my apology. I felt like an ass. I put aside the remainder of my lunch and also took Ashton's away, so I could sit in his lap and hug him. That seemed to do the trick. At least he looked at me.

However, sitting there thinking about what I'd said, I knew there was some truth to it. I was by no means concerned about finding "Mr. Perfect." I had no desire to join the dating game and all the drama and shit that came along with it. Sure, it would be nice to share a mutual love with someone, but I was content with my single life. And even though I was falling in love with Ashton, I knew we could never have a real relationship.

I attempted to undo the damage and clarified, "You're seriously the most perfect man I've ever met. And I'm not even exaggerating. But since we're on the subject, I have to say it: We have to be honest with ourselves here, Ashton. Even if we wanted this to become something serious, it would never work."

He frowned again and asked, "You'd never even consider it?"

I could have kicked myself for being so realistic about it. And at the same time, I couldn't believe he was suggesting he even wanted to be in a relationship with me. "I never say never, Ashton. But the truth is, we'd wouldn't be able to carry on anything other than a rare meet up like this. I can't just up and leave my responsibilities whenever I miss you. And you're rarely in the same place for more than two days. It's no wonder celebrity relationships never last. Just like with you and Brandi." Ugh, I hated to even say her name. But I had to state the obvious to get my point across.

He hugged me tightly and finally said, "We don't have to make any decisions right now. Sorry, being with you has got me feeling all emotional and shit. I know we both have a lot to think about. But no matter what, I have some free time ahead of me, and I'd like to try to spend some of it with you, if that's okay."

Of course it was. The problem was figuring out when I'd have some free time myself. In the end, we left things up in the air, but I was hopeful we'd work something out. I still couldn't wrap my brain around the situation.

As our time together dwindled down and we said our goodbyes, I felt it necessary to tell him not to worry about anyone finding out that we'd been together. He already knew I wouldn't say anything. But he also said that he didn't care if anyone did find out. Shit, I wanted to shout it from the rooftop, but I'd ensure it never went further than Traci's ears. I was pretty sure no one would believe me anyway.

Speaking of Traci, bless her heart, she really was a mess. When I made it back to our hotel, she was sprawled out, face down on her bed. It honestly scared me when she didn't acknowledge that I had arrived. I touched her back and said her name. All I got in response was a quiet, "Noooo. Don't make me move." At least I knew she was alive, so I let her be, and caught up on some much needed sleep myself.

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