Silent Scream

It hurts to cry. It hurts to sigh. It hurts to love. It hurts to live. It hurts to be me. I just hurts.. Someone save me...

For 18 years, I have been running.. I have been trying to stay calm.. but it hurts so much I want to die..


1. Prologue

I woke up suddenly to the noise of my parents fighting in the kitchen. The seventh time this week. Not that it was any different from any other week. I locked the door so they wouldn't come in on me, but before I even took off my pants to dress, my dad called for me from outside the door. I opened the door and he was standing there with his dark and dreary body looming in the door like a shadow. He wore all black nowadays. It started after the death of my sister, Kailin. Kailin had been dad's favorite and he mourned for her everyday. My mom on the other hand seemed to like pinning the blame on me. Not that I argued of course. I knew dad also blamed her death on me. But he didn't make it as obvious as mom. He looked at me. His eyes ringed in black and his lips purple. He looked tired and ready to drop dead. I let him in. He went to my bad and laid there like he was saying to pretend he wasn't there. Kailin and I were twins. That might explain why he didn't show his hatred towards me as much as mom. Mom also really loved Kailin. Kailin was loved by everyone. She was bright and always seemed to know the answer to everything. Even her own future. She had decided to become an author and counselor for those who needed it. She had decided to become a counselor because of me. She always said she was worried about med because I was emo. But I always suspected that she only wanted to say that because she wanted me to change. To become "normal" or so what to say. I told her that just because I wore black and had piercings, didn't make me emo. But she refused to let that go.

A year after she decided to become a counselor, she wrote a book called, My Brother is Emo and published it online. The book was actually quite popular. I also read it. It was touching. I didn't read all of it I must confess. She asked me how I liked it and I said, "Its fine." She was happy at the same time as she stared at my lip piercings with disapproval. I pretended I didn't notice. She also had things to say about dying my hair black and the style it was in, but she kept silent about it. She always took me everywhere as I always took her to every party and place I went to.

I'd made a friend like me at school. Kyle was nice and he had a crush on my sister. After her death, he never spoke to me again. I guess that's one friend I don't need anymore. Kailin's death happened on the day of Halloween. We were coming home from two parties that we'd been invited to. I'd driven there, but Kailin wanted to be the one to drive home. I'd not known that she'd been drinking, but by the time I realized that she wasn't acting like her usual self, it was too late. Her eyes had been red before she had gotten in the car and tear stains had been on her cheeks. I'd realized all that too late. The reason she'd been crying I found out later at school the next week. Her boyfriend, Dye, had been in the hall talking to his friends about that party. It broke my heart to shattered pieces when I learned what he'd done. My anger took me over and I punched him. I had pinned him down and kept punching and I kept screaming at him tears running in my eyes nonstop. 

"How could you that to my sister!?" I shrieked punching him.

He pushed me back and pinned me on the ground under him. He'd wiped the blood from his mouth and leaned in at me. With bloodied breath, he said, "And what will you do about it, emo freak?"

With that, he bit my cheek so hard it hurt and blood dripped from there. He stood up brushing himself off. He and his friends then all started kicking me and laughing. After they were done, they left me there curled in a bloodied ball crying. My sides and body hurt, but all that hurt more was the thought of why my sister had died. I realized that she had considered taking her life more times than I had, but with her facade of being a bright and cheery girl, I'd never seen through it. She had been asking for help all along and no one ever noticed her pain. 

It was my fault she died. My fault. If I'd seen through her, then I would have been able to help. Right? I was the same. She had difficulty because of me. 

"Kai, I can hear you crying..." My dad's voice broke through my memories and brought me back. 

I didn't say anything and just hurried into my clothes. As far as my parents went, I didn't care anymore. We'd moved soon after the fight with Dye and his buddies. My parents had nothing to say about it, they just up and left. If I'd not been present, then they might have left me behind. 

"I'm thinking of moving out.." I said quietly. There was a moment of silence.

"You're too young," he said finally. I was already eighteen. I didn't see what was too young about that. I didn't argue. As soon as I'd found a place, I'd move out whether I had their permission or not. 

I don't know how I survived even though Kailin didn't. I don't like that fact. My parents are oblivious to the fact that I cut. Both of them are too busy fighting to realize anything.

It hurts...

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