Playlist To a Broken Heart

Just some trashy songs to go along with my trashy life


24. 'where can I find a [wo]man like that?'

I am a complete mess if I have not previously stressed this enough. 

Remember that person I was speaking to that I liked but then at 3AM convinced myself I didn't like? Well we were talking and then I invited him to a party I had last night. My agenda was to get with him. But someone told me that he wasn't looking for anything serious and I decided not to pursue him. However the night went on and I got pissed, wasted, whatever and he was telling me how beautiful I am and how amazing he thinks I am and I had to get out. I went to my room and my friends kept asking why are you avoiding him and I choked out "I'm a bad person, I talk to guys I don't like just for the fun, I can't do the none serious thing, I don't get with guys at parties'. Probably in not so many words.

I did kiss him. There wasn't sparks or fireworks, I didn't feel like we were the only people in the world. I felt nothing. But he was talking to my mum and my sister and probably my dad and then he was messaging me after he left and I just don't know how to explain that I can't do this. I'm too lazy to be a girlfriend. I use you as an excuse, a reason for me not to like any guys because I'm pining after the one that got away but in reality? Maybe I just can't be fucked. There must be something wrong with me. He's nice. But we have nothing in common. He doesn't even watch similar films to me. 

Also he kissed one of my friends. It doesn't matter that she kissed him because it didn't mean anything to her and he 'initiated' it. If he really liked me then he wouldn't do that surely? I don't care, it doesn't matter, we have nothing in common anyway. I don't like him

Help. Can you just help me figure this out because I don't know what to do. Do drunk messages even matter? I don't want to get hurt.  

Jessie's Girl - Rick Steinfield


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