Playlist To a Broken Heart

Just some trashy songs to go along with my trashy life


20. 'hide the truth'

I'm on holiday and it's Christmas. For months I've been looking forward to this, after all how can you be sad in Disney World? But obviously the change in scenery doesn't cause a change in mind because I'm still missing you and every night I want to just cry. I don't because there aren't really any reasons to cry other than the fact that I don't even know you anymore. The most ridiculous thing is that I am holding onto words said years ago, most likely because that's what you say in those situations. You said you'd miss me when I moved and of course you said that because that's what you're supposed to say and it's gut wrenching to think you have moved on or forgotten about me but that's what happens. My thoughts of you are on me. I just can't make them stop and it's so inconvenient because so many things have connotations of you. 

I made it worse by going out with that guy because every time I think of something to do with him (which repulses me) I think of you. How I wish it had been you that I had kissed and stayed up late to talk to. How I wish our friends had wanted us to be together and thought we were cute or whatever. He was so smug and I was so stupid, pressured by my friends, and so desperate for any kind of affection that I was easy. Of course my friends tell me that I was too good for him now. But at the time they were rooting for it too and I wish they could have been rooting for us. 

I wish you would get real and talk to me about stuff but that's so unrealistic because I can't even message you ‘hi’ without dying as I wait for your response. Also guys don't talk about stuff like that. Do they even think it?  I have no idea but I wish I knew. 


Sick of Losing Soulmates - Dodie




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