When I wake up in the night

In this book, we follow a young girl, who doesn't have the best life. She doubt the love she recieve, and can't remember the last time she was happy. Of course she remembers when she was little, but she doubts she was really happy. She has a perfect life, if you ask everyone els. A loving mom and dad, two little sisters, which she cares about. She has friends and doesn't get bullied, but she can't seem to be happy.

WARNING. If you have a depression, you should not read this.


3. Monday the third of november 2014

Monday the third of november 2014

My mom told me something today. "In our family we fight, and we first stop when there is no more hope left." That didn't help, though.

My oldest little sister still drives me crazy. No matter what they say, it will be her that is the biggest burden in my life, and it will be her fault if I commit suicide. I think I will stay away from her. I don't give a damn if I have to yell at her to make her go away. I can't stand her anymore.

My mom makes me a little uneasy. Uneasy about her finding out about this. NOBODY can know about this, so I will carry this book around, or lock it in as much as I can.

By the way, I am sick at the moment. The stomach ache I have is not from hunger. It's stomach acid. So now I have to take these yellow pills.

I am sure nobody can understand why I am doing, what I am doing. I don't even know.

I am starving myself a little because of it. It's going okay. I want to change my looks as well. I will start wearing black all the time (as much as I can), and maybe eyeliner. That might worry my mom, but I know what I can say.

I kind of hope I will find my one true love someday. Damien Dawn is kind of hot, but he is only a cartoon character. 

I also goes 'earlier' to bed. Yesterday I went to my room around 8 pm. I turned on my starlight-lamp and listened to music to around 9 pm, then I went to bed with the thought of hoping I would never wake up.



This is the link so you will have an idea of who Damien Dawn is, and the song is kind of really good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aun1lHyqwBg

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