Redemption: Book One (A Gay Novel)

Yellow- Red Content
Contains swearing, sexual content.
Story is mainly about GAY characters.
Not For the Faint of Heart.
Part of a Trilogy, and an additional book later.


13. Chapter Ten Part Four

So I asked her after the physicians in training left for lunch before performing another big ‘case’ later on.

She said that there is a lot more to patient care than simply operating on them in the OR.  Charting, talking to the patient, allaying their fears, explaining the procedure and the various things a physician was required to do for legal and insurance purposes.  She smiled and said that all the stuff they have to do takes quite a bit a time away from performing actual surgeries.

On another note, after we’d discussed the various and sundry items a surgeon has to perform, I mentioned the dreams again.

“Joey, Nathan has a school half day off.  He’s coming up to the hospital so that we can all sit down and talk about some important things for your aftercare.  And yes, I’ve been waiting for you to bring up your concerns about your dreams again.  I’m going to order a psych consult because I believe talking to someone about the situations will help you to get a different perception about what’s going on.”

“Mom had said the same thing so okay I’ll talk to them.  Will the doctor be a real doctor or will some intern or resident be in charge of things… I really don’t want to say anything if I’ll have to repeat over and over again.”

“I understand your concerns.  I’ll see what I can do about getting you assigned to an attending physician although this is a teaching hospital so our interns and residents learn from doing as well as from many intense studies.  Another thing to think about is that interns and residents are much closer to your age group than us old people.”

She continued, “Joey, Dave and I want to talk with you and Nathan about an idea that we have thought about quite a bit.  I want us all to sit down and talk maybe even this evening.  Perhaps we could bring in some food so we can talk about it over dinner… does this sound like a plan?”

“Uhm, like what?  What are you thinking about?”

She smiled and said, “We’ll talk about it later.  It’s better that we all talk about.  Sorry Charlie.  Good try though.”

Afternoon physical was brutal that afternoon in that 3 therapists ‘attacked me’ by standing me upright at the parallel bars with their total support on all fronts.  They constantly and consistently encouraged me to ‘try’ to move my legs and follow along so that my brain might register and remember that as a human being I’m supposed to walk upright. They did that for over an hour… back and forth, back and forth and so on and so forth.

Next they laid me out on a cushioned plastic bed like thing and then stimulated the nerves in my lower belly, thighs, calves and feet.  The therapist that I’d talked to about the little problem down south took me into a private therapy room where he had me remove the catheter.  He gave ample reassurances that he’d not hurt me in any way but that he was going try and stimulate my cock.  He explained that he was going to insert tiny little hair like probes at strategic points to see if my organ’s nerve supply was okay.

He put many towels down and around my crotch areas saying that the stimulation could very well cause me to dribble.

He had me lay flat on the bed so that I couldn’t see what he was doing because of two reasons: (1) seeing my dong stimulated with wires and whatnot could gross me out, and (2) by not seeing my dick’s response would eliminate the psychological aspect… “mind over matter” he said.

With that said he went to work.  I didn’t even cheat because I didn’t want to see my dick being stuck.

A few minutes later he did in fact sit me up just enough to see that which designates me as male.  My heart raced and then soared… my dick was fully hard and upright.  He said, “Feel it.  It won’t bite you.”

I reached down and found that my dick was as hard as it could possibly could be.  I squeezed it down firmly and made a couple of reserved jacking motions to see if it might get interested in cumming.  The therapist figured it out.  He then explained that many other things, stimuli were required for the human body to experience orgasm.  He stepped out so that I could experiment and perhaps even get into a full jack-off session if that’s what I desired.  He would be gone for 30 minutes and to have fun.

He was right.  I definitely got serious but orgasm was not in the cards that day but it did give me hope that it would respond some day.  When he returned he looked at me curiously.  I said, “You’re right.”

“Joey, I’m going to do stimulate your male gland… I want you to watch.  I’m not going to say anything more… just observe, okay?”

Just as I was getting ready to say, “What are you going to do?”  He adjusted a setting on the machine.  My dick immediately sprung to full attention and then he set it a notch or two higher… my dick…. it grew even more… I put my hand around my cock and squeezed tightly… it was then that I felt my muscles tense up to the maximum… and then my penis erupted its offerings up and out and against my belly, upper legs into my my bush, and then dribbled down my shaft.  I took a deep breath in and then let it out… my breathing soon returned to normal.

I didn’t even feel self-conscious.  I was grinning like a Cheshire cat.  I said, “Dude, that was awesome.  Does that mean I’m really okay?”

“It certainly appears that way.  You’re going to be okay.  Don’t ask me to do that every time.  I could lose my job because it is not a technique written about in the manuals.”

“Okay, no problem.  That was pretty kewl.  I mean I didn’t feel it in my dick but I felt the rest of my upper body react just like it reached its moment.  Whoa.”

He handed me a towel that I used to sop up the evidence of a first ejaculation in almost 3 months.

With that said and done he removed the stimulator and took me to my room where I put in a new catheter after asking for one, and then took a nap.

Buzz, Quiet Jim and Emanuel showed up at about 4:30 that afternoon.  A chick was hanging onto Emanuel’s arm.  After saying ‘hey’ and making introductions to the girlfriend he joined her on the sofa in the room where they got into serious suck face leaving Buzz and I to ourselves.

He told me that Vito had been busted and then committed suicide by cop.  He said the neighborhood was changing… and that he was changing too.  He’d met a girl who was helping to keep him on the up and up.  He went so far as to say that he felt that she was good for him.  “I think I’m falling in love, Joey.  Don’t tell anybody <giggles>.”

“Ya okay?  Buzz asked sincerely,

“I guess.  I’m getting there.”

I looked Buzz directly in his eyes.  He averted his to a spot just beside my head and above my shoulders.  I wondered why that was.  Usually when he talked he bore holes.  He could size you up in a heartbeat… which is why he was our final say so on bringing someone new into our gathering.  We really didn’t have a gang in the traditional sense of the word.  I suppose what we called ourselves really mattered not.  I mean we simply hung out and watched over each other in our own way.  Sure, we watched out for ourselves like when I was in the apartment with my ’employer’ some months previously.

I asked anyway.

“Buzz, what happened to Ma?”

Immediately he replied, “I don’t know.  Nobody knows.  I’ve checked around because I knew you needed to know.  We also needed to know.  Nobody’s talking Joey.  All we know is that your mom got popped… I’m sorry Joey… and Christopher’s dead.  I’m really sorry about your mom, Joey.  Will you do something for me?”

“Sure.  You don’t even have to ask.”  I said assuredly.

Buzz nodded.  “I had to ask.”

“I know.”

“Would you let me know when you find out what happened?”

“It goes without saying.  Same thing with you.”


Emanuel broke loose from his hoe just long enough to say, “Joey, when we find out who they are and where they are… we’ll bust you out of here, take you to them and then plop a machine gun in your arms…”

He didn’t even need to finish his sentence.  The meaning was totally clear.  I nodded and then he went back to his regularly scheduled programming.

When I saw the hoe grabbing onto Emanuel’s manhood I said, “You guys… go to the bathroom will-ya.”  While I smiled, just under the surface I was dead serious.  I didn’t want to see them fucking in plain view.  Emanuel, always the most shy and modest and reserved of all of us was changing.  I guess pussy does that to a guy.

They went into the bathroom and closed the door.


“Have you heard from Skeeter?  I haven’t seen him up here yet.”

“Nope… it’s like he disappeared off the earth. He didn’t say much but I think that foster family was giving him grief.  He’s a good kid.”

“Yeah he is. I’m kinda laid up here.  If you hear anything…”

“I will.”  Buzz finished my sentence.  Age has its perks, or so it seemed.

When my dinner tray arrived Buzz took off.  At the same time he knocked on the bathroom door it opened.  Out came two smiling teenage kids.  Both had flushed looks about their faces.  The girl walked to the side of my bed, leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Thanks.  Hang in there okay?  It’s going to get better.”

She scored brownie points.

Emanuel walked over and knocked knuckles with me then they took off with Buzz.

The neighborhood was changing.

Would I survive it?

A cold chill traveled up and down my spine.  I think it traveled down into the numb areas south of the belt loops.

Dinner was brazed roast beef, cooked carrots, spinach (yuck!), chocolate cream pie for desert and three oatmeal cookies that were for my snack later on in the evening.

About 15 minutes after finishing the meal I headed into the bathroom and transferred myself to the toilet to wait for the inevitable to happen.  While waiting I peered at my penis, took it in my hand and squeezed gently yet hard enough to see if it was awake.  With that yellow tubing going into my bladder there was no way that an erection would happen.  My penis was shriveled and hanging limply, and my balls were drooping like an old lady’s tits.

Sounds within the bowl signaled success.  I reached for the tissue paper but a knock on the door interrupted retrieval.  “I’m in here.”  I’d learned to say when I was indisposed.

Nathan’s face showed through when the door creaked open a couple of inches.  He made his entry, closed the door and then sat down on the floor.  “Hey bro.”

“Hey yourself.  What’s up?”

“Nutten.  Same ole same ole.  Wayne, Millie, Dave and Dr. June are here.  Dr. June said we’re having a meeting tonight.  She wouldn’t say why only that we needed to be here.  So here we are.  You doing okay?”  Nathan asked sincerely.

“I got a hard-on today.  The therapist (Nathan was my brother, after all) put some electricity to my dick… I blew an orgasm.  I said assuredly, giggling on the second part of my reply.

He rolled his eyes and then adjusted his jacket.  I saw scars on his forearm… wicked scars… like he’d been cut or something.

“What happened to your arm?  It’s all cut up and shit.”

“Oh… I broke my arm.  They had to put plates and screws in it.  I just got the cast off a couple weeks ago.  It’s doing okay.”

“How the fuck did you do that?”  I asked seriously.

“It happened that night… when mom was… you know…”

I nodded but didn’t understand what he was talking about… what happened that night I kept thinking, racking my brain to figure out what …”

Another knock on the door interrupted my thoughts.  Nobody stuck their head inside so Nathan got up, opened the door and walked out.  He stuck his head back in and said that June, Derrick and Dave were ready to talk to us.

I cleaned up and then used a mirror to make sure since I had no sensation.  I was okay.  After washing my hands I got into the wheelchair and wheeled myself into my room.  Everybody was sitting around in a circle.  They’d left a place open for my chair which I rolled into and parked.

“Where’s Wayne?”  I asked noting that an empty chair was beside Millie.  I noticed that Nathan was sitting between Dr. Mauer and Dave.  Derrick was sitting next to his mom on the other side.

Nathan smiled nervously.  Derrick me flashed a thumbs’ up sign.  He can really be a dork sometimes.  I nodded reservedly.

“We’re going to wait a few minutes.  We wanted Wayne to be here.”  Dr. Mauer said.  I noticed that she was looking at me intently, like she was probing my insides… maybe she was.  I felt no malevolence from her.  She smiled.  It was like her face lit up a few shades of gray.

No, my color vision hadn’t returned though the shades of gray were much, much lighter.  When I sat in my wheelchair in the sun room my eyes were sensitive to the bright light.  The eye people fitted me with a special pair of lightly colored sunglasses, just enough to knock off the glare.  It worked.  I’d spend a lot of time out there thinking, psyching myself up and psyching myself down in some depths of despair and hopelessness.  I didn’t go down very often.  There was a patient, his name was Jim, who had no arms or legs but his attitude was positive.  He’d crack jokes with other patients, jokes that I thought were totally dumb yet his spirit lifted me up in those dark moments.

Thirty minutes later there was still no sign of Wayne joining us so Dr. Mauer said, “Okay, we’re all here.  Wayne might join us later.  I hope he shows up because he might have some answers Joey and Nathan need to have answered.”

“First of all, Joey made a milestone in physical therapy today.  One I will share with all of us and one is doctor-patient privileged information.  Joey, will you share your first accomplishment?”

“Sure.  I got up today.  Uhm, the therapists stood me up and walked with me through the parallel bars like 3 or 4 times.  I was just dragging my feet along.”

Tears welled up in Nathan’s eyes.  He hurriedly wiped them away with his shirt sleeve but they kept coming.  I motioned for him to come to me which he did somewhat reluctantly.  He sat into my lap.  I pulled him in close and kissed his cheek.  He looked at me like I was a Martian from outer space but then again he didn’t push away.  I wrapped my arms around his chest.  Unknown to him he grasped my wrist with his hand.

Dr. Mauer said, “Joey what you did today is a huge accomplishment.  We’re going to continue with that.  It will help your legs remember what it was like to walk.”

Dave said, “That’s very significant Joey. The more our minds and bodies remember the better we get with not only what we’re trying to do but we also get mentally better and stronger.”

“That’s right.  Joey, Nathan, we want to talk some about what might have happened that night.  Joey is it okay if Millie stays because I’m going to talk about your medical condition so that everybody is on the same page.  It might better explain what we’re going to try to do this evening.”

“Joey, I bees gone if you’s bees uncomfortable wit ma bein heah.”  Millie said.  Derrick nodded.  Dave gave no indication one way or the other.  Nathan looked up and into my eyes with a sideways glance.  I kissed the top of his head.

Nathan sniffled then reached up with his shirt sleeve and rubbed it across his face.  I looked down and saw that his tears were running again.  I said, “What’s wrong bro?  Talk to me.”

“I don’t know… I do it all the time.”

To Millie I said, “No, it’s okay.  Stay.”

To Millie Dr. Mauer said, “Millie… let’s start off with you.  Can you tell us what you know about the night that Joey got sick?”

“No ma’ams I cain’t.  All I knew was dat night was Miss Walker passed on to da Lawd … oh mah praise bees Jesus… I knows sumtin was wrong da moment my Wayne walked in da door.  He ain’t not talked about nothin.  I had to find from da news da next morning that these chiles’ momma and her son done pass away.  I checks around da nah-boo-hood and nobody knows nutten.  Lardy.  Lardy.  Mah sorry chilrens.”

Nathan squirmed around on my lap until he was facing me.  We were almost nose to nose.  He looked into my eyes.  I thought he was going to kiss my lips but instead he buried his face into my neck, sniffling like he had a cold.  His shoulders shuddered then he whispered into my ear, “Joey, he beat me.  When you got home… don’t you remember that I fell down the stairs?”

“Is that what happened to your arm?”

“Yeah, it broke.  You saw it don’t you remember?”

“Yeah I remember.  Ma and Wayne were behind me.  Although Wayne was standing by my side…”

“Yeah… he dove for me.  Christopher began shooting.  He was aiming for you.  I was screaming and shit.  Ma was screaming.  Wayne was diving.”  Nathan said and then began sobbing.  He wrapped his arms around my neck and held on for dear life.

All sorts of things were going on in my head… it was swirling and twirling… stars were forming… blinking… like that night dad had taken me fishing… and then… everything started turning… black.

No.  No.  No.  I can’t go there I screamed in my head.  The warehouse.  But dad wasn’t there.  Nobody was there.  Nobody would be there.  No food.  No water.  I would die there.

Nathan, in my arms screamed, “Ma fell down.”

A horrible thought came to mind.  I said, “I told Ma to sit on the steps outside… Ma fell down?  How?  Why?  She was safe.”

Nathan wailed, “Noooooooooooooooooooooo …… Christopher shot her …. she fell down.

I remembered the thud but I hadn’t turned around to see what it was… “Nnnnnnnnnnghh. Nnnnnnnghhhhh… noooooooooooo.   Nnnnnnnghhhhh.   Nnnnnnnghhhhh.”  I groaned, trying with all of my strength to maintain my composure, trying to stay calm for Nathan.

“Mommmmmaaaaaaaaaa.   Nnnnnnnghhhhh.   Nnnnnnnghhhhh.   Nnnnnnnghhhhh.”

Not strong.

I looked to June, “ Nnnnnnnghhhhh.   Nnnnnnnghhhhh.   Nnnnnnnghhhhh.”

She jumped out of her chair, literally.  She walked to us, knelt down and tried to pull us into her arms but I couldn’t … not yet, “ Nnnnnnnghhhhh.   Nnnnnnnghhhhh.   Nnnnnnnghhhhh.   Nnnnnnnghhhhh.

My mind began clouding as visions began passing through my head, terrible, horrific things – though I did not really see them.  I was feeling them as if I did indeed see them….

Nathan, with tears freely flowing down his cheeks from his eyes and onto my bare chest, brokenly said, “Joey, I don’t know what happened.  Wayne covered me… you both did.  Bang.  Bang. Bang. Bang.  Bang.  I don’t know what happened… I just saw Ma fall down.”

“Nnnnnnnghhhhh.   Nnnnnnnghhhhh.”  Was all that came out, was all that could come out.

I heard someone, a man’s voice, say, “I can’t just sit here and no do anything.” I then felt both Nathan and I being lifted by very strong arms and then we were sat down in a chair and then we were held tight.

June’s voice said, “Boys, you’re so very close.  Try and remember what happened next.  I’m so sorry about your mother.  I know you loved her very much.  If you remember what happened then I think you’ll be free from the prisons in your minds.  There’s no hurry.  Just try to remember but don’t try really, really hard.”


I overheard her voice say, “This is Dr. Mauer.  I am with a patient.  Call the trauma service chief resident to take my call.”

“Honey chie, it bees abouts time you gets here.  Yous hep dese boyz.  They’ins needs to know.  Oh mah Lawd yous bees fucked up boy.  Yous tells dese boyz what happened to Miss Walker.  Lardy.  Lardy.  Hep us Jesus da Lawd.”

I looked up.  Through massive floods of tears I saw Wayne.  His pupils were pin point.  His eyes were crazed.  Cocaine.  Meth.  I wanted some.  I wanted it fucking, fucking, fucking bad.

Dave said angrily, “Wayne, what happened that night?  These boys need to know.  They need to know now.  Please pull yourself together.  Help these boys.  You were there, right?  You were standing next to Joey and then when the shit hit the fan you threw yourself at Nathan and you pulled Joey down to the floor too… what happened?”

Dave pulled Wayne into a hug.  Wayne resisted.  He closed his eyes.  His shoulders slumped.  He then looked into Dave’s eyes and said, “Joey’s a hero.  He saved my life.  And I know he saved Nathan’s life.  There’s no doubt in my mind.  I’ve been thinking and seeing it in my head all the time.  I’m fucked up so I can forget it.”

“But you can’t forget it, Wayne.  You’ll never forget.  It’ll never go away.  What happened that night?”  Dave said seriously but less angrily.

“Yeah, I know, I was there.  Okay.”

“Yous tells dem, boy.  Yous tells dem da truth, boy.”  Millie said parentally.

“I was behind you Joey.  Then I saw Nathan fall down the stairs.  His arm was broken… it was twisted at a 90 degree angle.  When I saw him Christopher popped his shotgun… I looked around… your momma fell to the floor… I’m sorry…”

“Go ahead… keep going.”  Dave said to Wayne.

I was racking my brain… my head was spinning like a cheap kids’ top toy.  I then saw a vision of Christopher aiming the gun to Nathan…

Wayne continued, “Joey, you’re a hero dude.  You saved Nathan and me… I should have died.  I was a pussy… I didn’t…”

A flash of light went screaming through my memory and with it came a picture of me standing there, disembodied, holding my piece in my hand, aimed, aimed at, it was aimed at Christopher’s lifeless body slumped over the sofa.  I couldn’t see his face; I didn’t see him dead… I was blind.

“Gun…  Smoking… Quiet… Sirens…”

“Joey, you had no other way to deal with Christopher.  He was shooting.  He killed your momma.  I saw him.”

“What happened, Wayne?”

“Joey… is this what you’ve been dreaming about?  Gun.  Smoking.  What does this mean?”  June said softly.


Wayne said, “Joey, you popped Christopher.  He killed your mom.  He was intent on killing us.  He fucked Nathan up by beating the shit out of him before we got to your place.  I have no doubt that Christopher would have killed us.  He was crazy.  Spouting all those bible verses.  His eyes were rabid.  It was like he was possessed or something.”

Millie stood up, took Wayne away from Dave and then enveloped her son with her hefty arms and bosom, holding him tightly.  He broke away, walked to me, pulled my head into his arms, kissed my cheek and whispered into my ear, “I love you Joey.  I’m dead serious: you saved Nathan’s life and by saving his you saved mine.  Look Joey, I’m all fucked up now so I’m going to leave.”

“I love you too Wayne.  I’m sorry.  Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen.  They can’t keep me here forever, and well me and Nathan, well we don’t have any place to go.  We’re going to stay together no matter what.  Wayne, was it bad?  Did I kill him bad?”

“Yeah, he was definitely crazy dead.”  Wayne said emphatically.

June rose up then reached for some papers she’d put on the bedside table.  She turned to us, “Wayne would you please stay for a few more minutes?  I’d like for you to stay.  You’re probably helping Joey more than I am right now… I want to read the pathology and police reports so that Joey will have a full understanding of what happened.  It will help him to recover so that he can move forward with his life.  Would you do that for him, and for me?”

“Well, yeah, sure.  But ma’am, I’m seriously messed up… I’m sorry for speaking the way I have been talking… can I talk to you in private for a minute… please ma’am?”

June put her arm around Wayne’s shoulders and led him into my bathroom where they shut the door.

Nathan’s cries softened to an occasional sniffle.  He was lying on my lap.  His face, his tears, his fear… they were crystal clear in my eyes.  Because I was actually seeing and feeling his sadness, I began softly crying.  Broken I said, “It’s your eyes dude.  They really are gray with green running through them.  I love you so much. I don’t feel like a hero, Nathan.  I should have…”

“No Joey.  Don’t do that… don’t go there.  I owe you my life bro. I didn’t see what happened.  Wayne stayed with me until they said we could go… but they’d never let me see.  In fact they covered my eyes when they took me away.  After the doctors fixed my arm, Millie took me to their place.  I’ve been staying there.”  Nathan rearranged himself so that he could speak to me directly in my ear without being heard.  He whispered, “Joey, it’s not working there… they’re fucked up all the time… and well, I’ve been having bad dreams… I’ve thought about …”

“Don’t you dare Nathan.  I will get out of this fucking wheelchair and I will kick your ass if you use that shit.  Promise me you won’t do it!  I swear to God I’ll kick your fucking ass, dude.”

“Don’t worry Joey.  I’ve had all kinds of opportunity.  I’ve seen what it does, bro.”

Just then the bathroom door opened.  June walked out.  Wayne followed her.  Obediently, he sat on the floor in front of Millie.  Millie put her arms around her boy.

I took a deep breath and let it out.  Nathan did likewise.  He turned around and looked into my eyes then kissed my cheek.  He said to June, “My brother sees my gray-green eyes.  He’s not lying.”

With that Nathan got up, walked to one of my drawers, and pulled a duffel bag from the bottom, rummaged around in it until he found what he was looking for.  He handed the case to me and sat it down in my lap.  He pulled out Ma’s scarf… the one she wore all the time whether it was cold or not.  He handed it to me.  I looked at it carefully.  The burgundy and blue and creams were crystal clear.  I pulled it to my nose and took a deep breath in.  “Nnnnnnnghhhhh.  Nnnnnnnghhhhh.  Nnnnnnnghhhhh.  Ma, I loved you so much… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you often enough… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

Nathan said, “Mom knew you loved her.  She knew you were ready to change your life around so that you’d be home more, so that you wouldn’t be doing that bad shit anymore.  I’m sorry too, Joey.  I didn’t tell her often enough either.  Joey, I love you.  I’ll never get tired of saying it.  I really need to hear you telling me that you love me too.”

Dave walked to us.  Nathan got off my lap.  Dave then picked me up in his strong arms.  He sat down in the wheelchair.  He said into my ear, very quietly, “June is going to read the report.  We think you need to hear it so that you know the facts.  It will put your ordeal hopefully to rest for now so that you can concentrate on getting well.  After that, my wife and I need to talk to you and Nathan.  We’ll talk alone.  I’m going to hold you in my arms.  If you get afraid then I’ll know.  I’ll be right here.  Nathan, would you join us?  There’s plenty of room right here. <Pointing to his other knee>.”

Once everybody was situated, Dr. June said, “Joey, Nathan, Wayne, I have one very important piece of the puzzle to give to you.  Let me read a portion of Christopher’s autopsy report:

‘The decedents’ cranium has been submitted for evaluation. There are twenty seven bone fragment specimens; the largest is 3.0cm in dimension.  Also, there are 926 soft tissue fragments that our investigator extracted from the sofa, the carpeting, and an end table.  The most distant tissue samples were retrieved from a wall 3.6 meters from the torso.  All fragments combined are unrecognizable as that belonging to a human being however DNA samples confirm the identity as that belonging to one Christopher Walker.’

Continuing, “Ballistics investigation and analysis revealed that 5 spent 45 caliber shells were lying on the floor some 4 meters from the decedents’ remains.  Trajectory analysis reveals that all shots were fired from the stairway at an upward angle of some 30 degrees.  Four of the five ammo heads were extracted from various points on the ceiling.  These have been determined to be defensive trajectories.’

Further, “Five spent shotgun shells were found on and about decedent’s torso.  Trajectory analysis concludes offensive stance.  The ammo heads were retrieved from walls around and within the second decedents’ body.  Please refer to ME case 09-804 for particulars for the second decedent.  For purposes of this report, DNA is maternal confirmed.  DNA samples from the suspect and the suspect’s blood kin reveal perfect DNA matches that are only compatible with direct first degree blood relations.”

Looking away from the report Dr. Mauer said, “Boys, Christopher had routine toxicology   studies performed during his autopsy.  He had high levels of PCP, cocaine and marijuana.  His blood alcohol was 3 times the legal limit for automobile drivers.  He was very messed up.  I doubt that he was aware of what he was doing.”

She waited for that piece of information to sink in before continuing to read the medical examiner’s report, “I have recommended to the prosecutor that no charges are filed against the suspect, Joey Lee Walker, the shooter.  I have concluded the homicide was justified based on all factual data and our on-scene investigation.  Cause of death: (1) catastrophic open head wounds, (2) Toxic PCP intoxication, (3) Toxic cocaine intoxication, (4) marijuana intoxication, (4) alcohol intoxication.”

Dr. Mauer put the piece of paper down on the bedside table and said, “Joey, I have no doubt that your quick action did indeed save Nathan and Wayne’s lives.  Yours too.  Although I didn’t know your mother I wish I would have.  I would have surely found that she was very proud of you two boys.  I drew this conclusion from being a mother myself.  Joey, I gave you the coroner’s information because you needed to know exactly what happened.  This most likely explains why your mind shut down thus causing your partial blindness and paralysis.”

“I don’t remember anything Dr. Mauer.”  I said then continued, “All I remember is looking at my gun and seeing smoke coming from the barrel…”

“Joey, I don’t think it’s important that you remember exactly what happened.  You have a lot of information to process.  At some point you may remember but I don’t think it’s mandatory that you remember each little detail although you may very well ‘see it’ unfold sometime in the future.  Let’s concentrate on getting your mobility back.”

I turned on Dave’s lap as if I were about to get up but stopped when he put his hand on my shoulder.  He said, “Joey, don’t try quite yet.  Don’t push yourself to hard, not right now.”

“I was reaching for Ma’s scarf.”  I said.  Nathan got up, reached for the scarf and gave to me.

“Nnnnnnnghhhhh.  Nnnnnnnghhhhh.”  Stealing myself back I said while outlining the delineations of colors with my fingers, “This is burgundy.  This is blue.  The background is cream.  Ma used to wear this all the time didn’t she Nathan?”

“Yup.  Okay, try this…”  Nathan said, stood and then pulled up his shirt.  He reached inside his jeans, snatched up his underwear and asked, “What color are these?”

“They’re baby blue with a black waistband.”  I replied then added, “Most of what I see is light shades of gray… but those colors stand out.”

“That’s a very encouraging sign.  Full color perception may take some time but I’m very hopeful that your vision will return to normal or near to normal.  You may not be an electrician.”  Dr. Mauer said smiling.  She had a pretty smile.


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