The Stuff of Legends

Rose seems just fine with the new new Doctor, but how will Lilithanadir cope with traveling with a man wearing the face of her father? A rewrite of series 2 of Doctor Who


6. Apple Grass and Cat Nuns Part Two

By the time Lilith reached where Cassandra— Rose— was, Novice Hame was gone and Rose— Cassandra— had gotten the Doctor in one of the pods.

“Let me out! Let me out!” he yelled.

“Aren't you lucky there was a spare?” Cassandra, definitely Cassandra, taunted. “Standing room only.”

“You've stolen Rose's body,” he growled.

“Over the years, I've thought of a thousand ways to kill you, Doctor. And now, that's exactly what I've got. One thousand diseases. They pump the patients with a top-up every ten minutes. You've got about three minutes left. Enjoy.”

“Let him go, Cassandra. Him and Rose.” Lilith said, voice dangerously low.

“I’ll let her go. As soon as I've found someone younger, and less common, then I'll junk her with the waste.” Cassandra sneered.

Lilith marched up to Rose’s body and got in her face. “You listen here, Cassandra. You can’t do your little possessive trick on me; my mind is protected. So I’m warning you, let the Doctor out and find a way to get out of Rose’s body.”

At that moment, Sister Jatt and Matron Casp arrived. “Anything we can do to help?”

Cassandra crossed her arms. “Straight to the point, Whiskers. I want money.”

“The Sisterhood is a charity,” Matron Casp said. “We don't give money. We only accept.”

“The humans across the water pay you a fortune, and that's exactly what I need. A one-off payment, that's all I want. Oh, and perhaps a yacht. In return for which, I shall tell the city nothing of your institutional murder. Is that a deal?”

“I'm afraid not.”

“I'd really advise you to think about this.” Cassandra said.

“Oh, there's no need. I have to decline.” Casp replied.

“I'll tell them, and you've no way of stopping me. You're not exactly Nuns with Guns. You're not even armed.”

“Who needs arms when we have claws?” The Matron unsheathed her claws.

“Don’t hurt that body!” Lilith cried.

Cassandra shrugged. “Well, nice try. Chip? Plan B.”

Lilith spun around to see a pale man pull a lever, and all the doors on that level opened. The Doctor stumbled out along with a lot of dazed, diseased people.

“What've you done?” he gasped.

“Gave the system a shot of adrenaline, just to wake them up. See you!” Cassandra dashed off.

“Don't touch them! Whatever you do, don't touch!” The Doctor and Lilith ran after Cassandra and Chip as the people advanced on the cats.

“Oh my God.” Cassandra breathed as all of the pods opened.

“What the hell have you done?” Lilith asked wide-eyed

“It wasn't me.”

“One touch and you get every disease in the world, and I want that body safe, Cassandra,” the Doctor warned. “We've got to go down.”

“But there's thousands of them!” Cassandra protested.

“Run! Down! Down! Go down!” the Doctor shouted. Cassandra ran to call an elevator. “No, the lifts have closed down. That's the quarantine. Nothing's moving.”

“This way!” Cassandra yelled and ran. The Doctor and Lilith followed.

Chip got cut off from them as more people approached.

“Someone will touch him.” Lilith worried.

“Leave him!” Cassandra insisted. “He's just a clone thing. He's only got a half life. Come on!”

“Mistress!” Chip called out.

“I'm sorry, I can't let her escape,” the Doctor apologized and darted after Lilith and Cassandra.

They ran to the back door but there are people there, too. “We're trapped! What am I going to do?” Cassandra cried.

“Well, for starters, you're going to leave that body,” the Doctor said. “That psychograft is banned on every civilized planet. You're compressing Rose to death.”

“But I've got nowhere to go. My original skin's dead.” Cassandra complained.

“Not my problem. You can float as atoms in the air. Now, get out.” He raised the sonic screwdriver. “Give her back to me.”

You asked for it.” Cassandra took a deep breath and blew energy out towards the Doctor. They both stumbled. “Blimey, my head. Where'd she go?”

“Oh, my,” the Doctor said strangely. “This is different.”

“Oh, that is so wrong.”

“Goodness me, I'm a man. Yum. So many parts. And hardly used.”

Lilith gagged. “Did not need to know that.”

“Oh, oh, two hearts! Oh, baby, I'm beating out a samba!”

“Get out of him!” Rose demanded.

“Ooh, he's slim, and a little bit foxy.” Cassandra looked up at Rose. “You've thought so too. I've been inside your head. You've been looking. You like it.”

Rose blushed furiously and Lilith slapped a hand over her mouth as the diseased people burst in.

“What do we do?” Cassandra panicked. “What would he do? The Doctor, what the hell would he do?”

“Ladder,” Lilith said. “We've got to get up.”

“Out of the way, girlies!” Cassandra shoved then back and started climbing up the ladder.

“If you get out of the Doctor's body, he can think of something!” Rose shouted up the ladder.

“Yap, yap, yap.” Cassandra said. “God, it was tedious inside your head. Hormone city.”

“We're going to die if—" Matron Casp grabbed Rose’s ankle. “Get off!”

“All our good work. All that healing, the good name of the Sisterhood. You have destroyed everything!” the cat hissed.

Cassandra rolled the Doctor’s eyes. “Go and play with a ball of string.”

“Everywhere, disease. This is the human world. Sickness!”

A diseased arm reached up and grasped Casp's ankle. She fell, screaming.

“Move!” Rose shouted.

They reached the door to the next level, but it wouldn’t open. “Now what do we do?”

“Use the sonic screwdriver.” Lilith told her.

“You mean this thing?” Cassandra pulled out the sonic.

“Yes, I mean that thing.” The Time Lady sighed, exasperated.

“Well, I don't know how. That Doctor's hidden away all his thoughts.”

“Cassandra, go back into me.” Rose said. “The Doctor can open it. Do it!”

“Hold on tight.” The energy transferred.

Rose blinked. “Oh, chavtastic again. Open it!”

“Not till you get out of her,” the Doctor argued.

“OPEN THE DAMN DOOR, DOCTOR!” Lilith yelled.

The Doctor complied, opening the door, and the three of them scrambled onto the floor, the door closing behind them. Clovis lunged at them with a metal stand.

“We're safe! We're safe! We're safe! We're clean! We're clean! Look, look.”

“Show me your skin.” Clovis demanded.

“Look, clean.” They showed the woman their hands. “Look, if we'd been touched, we'd be dead. So how's it going up here? What's the status?”

She put the stand down. “There's nothing but silence from the other wards. I think we're the only ones left. And I've been trying to override the quarantine. If I can trip a signal over to New New York, they can send a private executive squad.”

Lilith shook her head. “You can't do that. If they forced entry, they'd break quarantine.”

“I am not dying in here.” Clovis snapped.

“We can't let a single particle of disease get out. There are ten million people in that city. They'd all be at risk.”

“Not if it gets me out.”

“All right, fine,” the Doctor said. “So I have to stop you lot as well. Suits me. Rose, Novice Hame, everyone! Excuse me, your Grace. Get me intravenous solutions for every single disease. Move it!”

Everyone grabbed drip bags while the Doctor collected a long piece of heavy silk rope and started hanging them on his body. “How's that? Will that do?”

“Should work.” Lilith confirmed, realizing what his plan was. They went over to the elevators and the Doctor opened them.

“The lifts aren't working.” Cassandra said.

“Not moving,” the Doctor corrected. “Different thing. Here we go.”

“But you're not going to—” she began. He jumped and grabs the lift cable. “What do you think you're doing?”

“I'm going down! Come on!” The Doctor attached a round piece of equipment to the cable.

Lilith kicked her heels together and she hovered an inch above the ground. “Fifty third century fashion.” She grinned and floated over to the Doctor. “Come on, Cassandra.”

“Not in a million years!” she refused.

“Would you rather stay up there with the sick?”

Clovis had sealed the doors and they were trapped with approaching disease. Cassandra closed her eyes and jumped, clinging onto the Doctor. “You're completely mad. I can see why she likes you.”

“Going down!” the Doctor shouted. The improvised wheel he had attached to the cable took them down the shaft. After a moment, and a lot of Cassandra screaming, the Doctor put on the brake and they came to a stop on top of the elevator.

Lilith landed gently and Cassandra straightened out Rose’s shirt. “Well, that's one way to lose weight.”

“Now, listen,” the Doctor said. “When I say so, take hold of that lever.”

“There's still a quarantine down there, we can't—”

“Hold that lever!” he shouted in Cassandra’s face. “I'm cooking up a cocktail. I know a bit about medicine myself.” The Doctor poured the contents of the drip bags into the elevator’s disinfectant tank. “Now, that lever's going to resist. Both of you keep it in position. Hold onto it with everything you've got.”

“What about you?” Cassandra questioned.

“I've got an appointment. The Doctor is in.”

Lilith rolled her eyes. “Worst. Line. Yet.”

He dropped down into the elevator. “I'm in here! Come on!” the two women heard him shout. “Pull that lever! Come and get me! Come on!”

They pulled the lever and held it in place. The contents of the cocktail were poured on the Doctor and a few of the diseased people. “All they want to do is pass it on. Pass it on!”

“Pass what on?” Cassandra asked.

Lilith just winked at her and jumped down into the elevator. The Doctor helped Cassandra down. “What did they pass on? Did you kill them? All of them?” 

“No,” the Doctor said, “that's your way of doing things.I'm the Doctor, and I cured them.”


Lilith was already sitting with the now awake Face of Boe when the Doctor came running over. “You were supposed to be dying,” the Doctor said, but he was smiling.

There are better things to do today. Dying can wait.

“Oh, I hate telepathy.” Cassandra mumbled. “Just what I need, a head full of big face.”

The Doctor shushed her.

I have grown tired with the universe, Doctor, but you have taught me to look at it anew.

“There are legends, you know,” the Doctor knelt in front of the Face so they were eye level, “saying that you're millions of years old.”

There are? That would be impossible,’ the Face glanced at Lilith, who snickered.

The Doctor shot her a confused look. “Wouldn't it just. I got the impression there was something you wanted to tell me."

A great secret.

“So the legend says.”

It can wait.’

“Oh, does it have to?” the Doctor whined.

We shall meet again, Doctor, for the third time, for the last time, and the truth shall be told.’ Boe said.

You always have to be mysterious, don’t you, Uncle Jack?’ Lilith thought.

Until that day.’ The Face of Boe beamed away.

The Doctor stood. “That is enigmatic. That, that is, that is textbook enigmatic. And now for you.” He turned to Cassandra.

“But everything's happy. Everything's fine. Can't you just leave me?” Cassandra half-begged.

“You've lived long enough. Leave that body and end it, Cassandra,” the Doctor said.

“I don't want to die.”

“No one does.”

“Help me,” she pleaded.

The Doctor shook his head. “I can't.”

“Mistress!” Chip came ambling over.

“Oh, you're alive.” Cassandra gasped.

“I kept myself safe for you, mistress.”

“A body,” Cassandra mused. “And not just that, a volunteer.”

Lilith frowned. “Poor guy can’t catch a break.”

“But I worship the mistress.” Chip said. “I welcome her.”

“You can't, Cassandra, you—” The energy transfer took place and Rose collapsed into the Doctor's arms. “Oh! You all right? Whoa! Okay?”

“Yeah. Hello.” Rose breathed.

“Hello.” The Doctor grinned. Lilith made a gagging noise.

Cassandra interrupted their moment. “Oh, sweet Lord. I'm a walking doodle.”

“You can't stay in there. I'm sorry, Cassandra, but that's not fair,” the Doctor insisted. “I can take you to the city. They can build you a skin tank and you can stand trial for what you've done.”

“Well, that would be rather dramatic.” Cassandra said. “Possibly my finest hour, and certainly my finest hat, but I'm afraid we don't have time. Poor little Chip is only a half-life, and he's been through so much. His heart is racing so. He's failing. I don't think he's going to last—” Cassandra fell to her knees.

“Are you all right?”

“I'm fine.” She paused. “I'm dying, but that's fine.”

“We can take you to the city,” the Doctor said.

“No, you won't. Everything's new on this planet. There's no place for Chip and me any more. You're right, Doctor. It's time to die, and that's good.”

“Come on.” He helped her up. “There's one last thing I can do.”


The TARDIS landed at a party. The trio watched as Cassandra in Chip’s body told her younger self she was beautiful.

He collapsed and the younger Cassandra held him as he died.

Lilith, the Doctor, and Rose disappeared back into the TARDIS and a wheezing sound filled the air as the slipped back into the vortex.

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