Dead Flower


15. Rebound or love?

The first thing I did, when I got to school monday, was to tell the guys, that they could just talk with the girls again, if they wanted to. I wasn't sure about, who was telling the truth, and who wasn't, so I chose to let it go, but I couldn't let go the mistrust Hyacinth had planted in me. 

Suddenly I was unsure about Ashley. Could I trust her? What if she was just playing games with me like Hyacinth always was? And then I started thinking about Hyacinth. She was so crazy, but still the most incredible person I'd ever met and beautiful too.

Shira was also beautiful, but in an entirely different way. She was complicated, but selfless. She had such a big and beautiful heart, but she was just so broken.

And then there was Ashley, who didn't really care about a lot. She was always tough and strong. She was the kind of person, I could tell anything to - like a best friend, and I really liked that. I was always honest with her, and it was just so easy for me, but I wasn't in love with her. Not like with Hyacinth and Shira. Those girls had had a huge impact on my life.

Hyacinth was my first love, but when I thought she had died, I lost all faith in love, and Shira restored that faith, and taught me how to love again, and then I just left her in such an ugly way, because of Hyacinth and what we had done.

What I had with Shira, was so beautiful and perfect, until Hyacinth came back. Shira made me the person, I wanted to be, but Hyacinth always challenged me. Hyacinth was the adventure, and Shira the consequence, but what was I doing with Ashley? I clearly didn't care as much about her, as I did with the others.

Was she just a rebound?

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