Eros vs Thanatos: Whoever wins... We lose

Ice and flame, tenderness and passion, love and a decade-long friendship, all of these in a new breath-taking novel "Eros vs Thanatos: Whoever wins... We lose". It's a story about the relationships of Ville Hermanni Valo and Bam Margera right from the beginning. Translated from Russian by Sinistral Unicorn and Ankhesenpaaten Ra.


9. Chapter 9

At first, the two of them were lying on Ville's improvised bed, which consisted of nothing but a frameless mattress, lying on the floor. Ville rested his head on Mige's lap and was pensively exhaling the clouds of cigarette smoke into the ceiling. Then they drank some more, and Ville went cuddling up to Mige, who was reclining on the mattress with his back resting against the wall. By that time Ville couldn't give a flying fuck whether Mige would punch him in the face or not, he just wanted to have that moment of intimacy with him. To feel his warmth, even if that meant that he would only have a couple of seconds. At that moment, it really felt like it would undoubtedly salvage him.

Ville threw his arms around Mige's neck and kissed him on the cheek. Mige didn't turn a hair. Seeing that his rival chose to follow the wait-and-see policy, Ville waited a little, and rubbed his nose gently against Mige's neck, letting out a barely audible moan, as he felt the goose bumps on Mige's skin. Of course, the sensitive skin on the neck couldn't stay numb to such a stimulation, but Ville wanted to know for sure whether there was something more behind that reaction. Mige's arm on Ville's waist was as steady as ever, and it didn't even twitch in response to Ville's manipulations. That won't do. No way Ville was going to let Mige get away with such a response. Ville licked Mige's neck, running his tongue from his lower jaw to the collar bone. Once, and once again, and once more.

'Ville...' Mige caught him by the neck and tangled his fingers in Ville's hair, which Ville had chopped off in a heat of temper a couple of days earlier. Whatever, that way it was even easier to grab a fistful of his hair and pull his head up.

'Wat?' Ville asked him.

'Do you really need another lesson on kissing?' Mige asked him, referring outright to the moment in the past, which had become so very critical for both of them.

'Oh, I've learned that,' Ville replied quietly. 'I've even learned so much more,' he grabbed Mige by the belt. 'Mize, you have no idea how much I've expended my knowledge... Mize, you know, I wasn't wasting my time...'

'Oh God Almighty, that's what I've been afraid of all along, but only divine providence could've prevented that.'

'Stop being an idiot, do you want me to give you a head? I can, you'll like it, I promise, please, let me do it...'

Ville's lips traced their way down his stomach, his hands undid the buttons of Mige's shirt. Frankly speaking, Mige couldn't quite believe that everything was happening for real. He couldn't believe how audacious Ville became all of a sudden. However, he wasn't sure if "audacity" was a bad thing after all. He was just a little shocked by the determination and assurance that Ville had about what he was doing... Ville unbuttoned his shirt, licking him up the way he would lick up a girl – slowly making his way from his lips to his collar bones, further down Mige's chest, stopping there for a moment to pull up Mige's t-shirt so it didn't get in the way, and voluptuously encircling his hairy nipples with his wet tongue. What the hell was that? Did he really mean it? Did he really want to go all the way? Mige reflected on it for a moment. He liked everything about what was happening.

Until that moment, Mige had been living under impression that licking was a sexual activity assigned to chicks. Well... No, no chick had ever done that to Mige, but he thought... He heard somewhere that they are supposed to. Fairly speaking, his friend's tongue was damn impressive at it, although, despite some sporadic heterosexual experiences that Mige had had before, he didn't really have a point of reference.

No chick had ever pushed him on the bed, looking completely possessed by desire, moaning lustfully like a cat in heat, and licking his stomach, his tits, his armpits, and his sides... "Mige, I've learned so much more, than you think. Mige, let me suck you off the right way, the way you need it. Mige, I know how to do it, I can, just relax, I..."

No chick had ever undid his belt and took his unconvincing dick into her mouth. Well... It really was unconvincing, he was told a number of times that he was small, and still, none of his girlfriends had ever took the whole of his shaft inside her mouth at once. To put it in layman's terms, Mige was simply blown away. Not that he didn't like it, it was just that he had never allowed himself to think about his friend in such an unbridled way. He couldn't even have imagined that something like that would ever happen to him. And although he was secretly cherishing a thrilling thought that it would happen one day, he had never imagined that Ville would be the one to do it to him.

He would have been better off not seeing or hearing what was happening between them at the moment. Mige felt that his eyes were about to fall out of their sockets, when he heard the unique sound of inability to breathe and the groan of the highest pleasure intertwine in his best friend's moan, as he took Mige's dick deep inside his throat once again.

'Who are you, Entity?' Mige asked him.

'I am Ville,' Ville replied, slowly and unwillingly taking Mige's manhood out of his mouth. Slowly releasing his hard dick with a slippery sound. But he said it in a very serious tone, because Mige's concern was obvious. 'Oh for fuck's sake,' he grabbed Mige by the wrists and vigorously took his dick deep inside his mouth. "Screw you, you fucking idiot, but that felt good" that was the only thing that his brain could register at the moment.

'You're not gonna fool me on this one, I've done my reading, you're a fucking succubus,' Mige said. And why fucking not? He was in a proper state of shock.

'Incubus,' Ville corrected him. He slowly ran his tongue over his lips and just as slowly spat on Mige's dick, watching enchantedly at the saliva running down his friend's stiff cock. He helped it with his hand, spreading it over the length, up and down, gazing at Mige from under his eyebrows... Mige, however, gritted his teeth and was avoiding Ville's glance. Ville spat on his dick once again, and took it into his hand, making Mige arch his back and thrust his hips into Ville's fist.

'I don't fucking care,' Mige said.

'Cum into my mouth,' Ville said. 'Please. I need it. I need it really bad.'

And then something suddenly touched Mige's brain. Ville's intentions finally became clear to him, together with the fact that he didn't have any plan "B", and then... And then it became a matter of a completely different nature, which is hard to put in the words of the amourous poetry known to the human kind. Let's just say that his friend blew his mind, and now Mige had to make him... Feel the same.

'No,' he said all of a sudden.

He roughly pushed Ville away, making him lie face down on the bed, damn it, he didn't really know yet what was going on, and how he was supposed to behave. He just yanked Ville's chin up, laying himself down on top of him.

'Mige?' Ville asked him.

Mige didn't say a word, he just slid down Ville's body, spreading apart Ville's thighs and his coveted to the point of deranged mental frenzy buns, to stick his tongue somewhere, where Ville, a priori, probably never imagined he would.

Again and again – Mige's tongue there.

Holy fuck!

He didn't even let Ville suck him off, he just started licking him in between his buns.

In the most unbridled dreams of his, Ville had never seen that coming.

But he wished he could see that now.

He was still a little shocked, and then he bellowed like an animal because he was lying face down across his bed, with his legs spread wide apart, and Mige was franticly licking his ass, as if there was no tomorrow. He was just howling, and he was ready to come right then and there, because each following movement of Mige's tongue was promising to get him off. Just as Mige couldn't understand what made Ville go down on him and deep throat him and slurp him like a complete fucking whore, the very same way Ville couldn't understand how Mige's tongue all of a sudden appeared in a spot, which barely held any special intimate meaning to anyone until that moment. Ville didn't even know that such a thing was possible. Mige spread his buns apart and was licking his ass with the tenacity of a mechanical device.

Ville must have reached an orgasm at that very moment, howling out loud in the process, and Mige, too, must have reached the point of no return, and thoughtfully said the eternal phrase:


Ha, well, of course, at that point, while Ville was pouring out with semen over his bed, he couldn't help but remember the many hours of anal intercourse with Hiili. He didn't mention it aloud of course, but he suddenly got an urge for Mige to fuck him as lingeringly and perfectly as Hiili did.

So he would stand in a knee-elbow position, his face burrowed into the floor, oozing with precum from the mere fact that he was being cynically fucked. Why, it wasn't so bad, he had been doing it for more than six months. He knew how to suck, he knew how to give his ass. He knew how to enjoy the mechanical stimulation of his own prostate, and apart from that, he was getting a twisted kind of kick out of the fact that he was just giving his ass, no emotional strings attached.

Tentatively speaking, he had nothing to lose. Mige's dick was pretty small, but in terms of anal sex it was obviously rather an advantage than a disadvantage, especially considering the fact that Ville didn't have that much experience in that sense. Technically, he had given his ass to Hiili only a couple of times, because the first time it all went wrong and nothing happened at all.

What got him like a pile of hash was the way Mige sharply and rigidly flipped him onto his back when he tried to suck his dick, and the way he unexpectedly shoved his tongue somewhere, where even Hiili hadn't. Hiili had been doing some weird routine with his fingers and saliva to prepare him, and it didn't hurt too much. Well, of course it did hurt, and Ville couldn't quite understand why the fuck anyone would willingly engage into something like that. There were a lot of physiological activities in the world, which Ville wanted to try, but that obscure torture definitely wasn't one of those. But that night Ville remembered the exact moment when he was bellowing like a wild beast when Mige shoved his tongue somewhere, where Ville's girlfriend would never dare to. He did that to her, and even more than once, but she – would never. He just died at that moment, he just didn't know what it felt like... He didn't know what it was, he didn't really want to put himself into a role of a female, especially after Mige sort of started to respect him as a male. But damn it, at that point he desired nothing but to be a creature at full disposal of that fucking tongue.

He screamed and moaned, he just didn't know it could be that way, he never imagined that his friend would be the one to teach him that. Well, in the end, he gave himself to Mige the way he would probably never give himself to anyone.

He would never let Hiili take him the way Mige was taking him, while he was lying like a car in the ditch – wheels up. It was difficult to explain why it was a big no-no for him. He just didn't want to see Hiili's face in the process. He liked the fact that Hiili was something like a living dildo for masturbation to him. You surely don't want to get into a confiding romantic relationship with your dildo. He liked... He was even getting turned on by the fact that it was nothing but pure sex, pure stimulation of erogenous zones, and nothing more. Hiili's inspired face or (God forbid!) tenderness would've ruined all the excitement for him and would've spoilt all the buzz. Although, in all fairness, he had to admit that Hiili was a professional and was good at doing his job. And Ville loved him for that, in his own twisted kind of way.

But that day.

Fucking hell, that day he was squirming and arching his back under Mige, who was banging him in the good old missionary position, if that term could be attributed to anal sex, but their mutual fancy was enough to do so. Mige was fucking him the way he would have fucked his girlfriend.

Ahem. Not that Ville in all seriousness wanted to be Mige's girlfriend, of course not. Not in the least. He didn't want to be to Mige anyone but a friend, but it was something so very intimate that he wasn't sure he would ever let any other man take him that way. Mige was lying on Ville's belly and was banging his supple ass, nibbling on his knee from time to time and ardently shoving his tongue almost down his throat.

'Aaaaaaaaaah,' Ville moaned and threw his arms up, desperately gasping for air as if he was having another attack of his dear asthma. His lips took Mige's lips.

'I love the way you moan.'

Holy fuck! He would've cum ages ago if it wasn't for Mige's face over him. If it wasn't for their kiss, if it wasn't for the fact that Mige had licked his knee before kissing him.

Oh damn, he was so turned on that he didn't even want to cum anymore, he was just getting a hell of a kick out of the way Mige was fucking him like something incredibly near and dear to him, Ville was ready to cum time after time just to enjoy that fucking over and over again. Ville never imagined that the missionary position could bring so much joy.

The devil only knows how many times they had fucked that day. They stopped counting. They fell asleep out of exhaustion, then they woke up and opened a bottle of wine, which Ville found on the occasion, but the wine only gave them enough energy to make out for a while and go back to sleep once again. They woke up in the evening.

They lit up a joint and reclined thoughtfully on Ville's mattress. They didn't even talk. Well, and what the hell was there to talk about? The delicious languor of the evening was thick in the air.

And then.

The doorbell rang.

'SUCK A COCKIE, WILL YA!!!' Ville boomed merrily, while smoking lazily in Mige's cosy embrace.

'It's me, Hiili,' the visitor bleated hesitantly from behind the door.

'Lo and behold,' Ville said somehow indifferently. In fact, he didn't fucking care. Fucking with Mige left him surprisingly relaxed. He felt as if he had swallowed a pack of Dimedrol. At that moment, he would've been perfectly calm and well even if a heard of dinosaurs had been dancing Letkajenkka in the middle of his apartment to the accompaniment of Sibelius.

'Ville, open the door, we agreed that I would come around on Tuesday night.'

'Something put it out of my head it seems,' Ville said quietly to Mige. He stood up silently and scratched the back of his head, thinking that it would be nice to at least cover his balls with something, but his and Mige's clothes were scattered around the room in an especially surreal way, and Hiili kept ringing that bell like a madman. Ville shuffled barefoot into the hallway and opened the door.

'Hello, Hiili,' Ville said.

'Wow,' Hiili said, 'Hello, love.'

He put his arms around Ville's waist, pulling his naked body closer to him, and gave him a deep passionate kiss on the mouth.

Mige didn't see it, but he heard everything he needed to hear.

'And I thought that it was our fucking supernatural talent that got us the record deal. Escándalo,' He boomed from the bedroom, reclining on the bed in the pose of Danae, with his dick hanging from a side.

Ville giggled cheerfully, entering the bedroom.

Hiili walked in after him with a plastic bag in his hands and a slight bewilderment on his face.

'Well, come on in, mate,' Mige said, covering up his loins with a bedsheet and sitting up on the mattress. 'Make yourself at home, since you've decided to join our little party.'

'I'll be right back,' Ville said.

'Want some?' Mige offered Hiili a spliff.

'What's that smell?' Hiili asked him, looking around the room.

'You don't want to provoke his sense of humour on this one,' Mige pointed with his chin at Ville, whose back was disappearing behind the bathroom door. 'Or else he will tell you everything. In details. You're not gonna like it.'

'And what's that?' Hiili glanced at the fag in Mige's hand. 'Weed?'

'Good stuff, got it from Holland,' Mige said proudly. 'Strong shit.'

'We-e-e-ell,' Hiili drawled. He looked around for a place to sit, and decided to settle with the floor. The plastic bag in his hands made an inviting tinkling sound. 'I guess that's an option.'

'Oh, you brought the bevvies,' Mige exclaimed excitedly. 'Hey... VILLE!'

'Wazzup?' Ville said, walking out of the bathroom in his full mess kit, as in, wearing a pair of boxers.

'Bro, grab some glassware, it's our lucky day today, we've got some liquid happiness over here.'

'Uno momento,' Ville said.

Hiili and Mige were slowly and thoughtfully puffing on a shared spliff, while Ville was rattling with the dishes in the kitchen. Either the weed was playing its part, or it was for Mige's relaxed behaviour, but Hiili's jaw finally unclenched a little. For the first time in his life he was really glad that he was a civilised man, a European, and, for the lack of a better word, a Finn. Because he suddenly realised, that a couple of minutes ago stabbing Ville with anything even remotely sharp felt like a bloody good idea.

'Here,' Ville said proudly, returning from the kitchen fifteen minutes later, and bringing with him a wooden cup that looked more like a pencil holder, a coffee cup with a fancy curved handle, and a saucer. 'Nothing else was clean,' He explained (as if they didn't realize it) and sat down on the mattress next to Mige. Hiili crossed his legs, opened the bottle of vodka, and pensively poured its contents into... the glassware.

'So what's the occasion?' He asked them.

'The Advent of the Era of Celibacy for me,' Ville said in a sad voice. In a really sad voice. He poured his whole soul into his naturally rich with intonations baritone. He barely refrained from crying out of pity for himself at the sound of that phrase.

'And the two of you are naked because?..' Ville's charms seemed to had lost their power over Hiili. At least, that phrase of his didn't seem to impress Hiili in the slightest.

'It's a Symbol,' Mige said very seriously. 'The Symbol of Chastity and Purity of our relationship.'

'Indeed,' Ville said. He leaned down, and slowly and very voluptuously licked Mige's thigh, maintaining the eye contact with Hiili. Hiili gritted his teeth.

'Who are you, Creature?' He frankly put all of his thoughts into that short rhetoric question to Ville.

'Bags I take the saucer,' Mige said calmly, wrapping the sheet around him into something resembling a Greek toga.

'I am Pan ! Io Pan ! Io Pan Pan ! Pan !
I am thy mate, I am thy man,
Goat of thy flock, I am gold , I am god,
Flesh to thy bone, flower to thy rod.
With hoofs of steel I race on the rocks
Through solstice stubborn to equinox.
And I rave; and I rape and I rip and I rend
Everlasting, world without end.
Mannikin, maiden, maenad, man,
In the might of Pan... That's cuz Mize looks like Pan, tee-hee,' Ville explained his sudden mind-blowing poetic fit with a giggle.

'Did you come up with that doggerel by yourself?' Hiili specified in an overly carrying voice. 'Just so I know what to prepare myself for.'

'Ha-ha-ha-ha,' Ville said, 'No, I didn't.'

'That's good old Crowley for you, mate. Here's to you, brother Hiili, brother Ville...' Mige said, loudly slurping down the koskenkorva out of the saucer. 'Mmm, tasty.'

'By the way, Hiili, did you know that Satan and Dionysus are the same thing? Bacchus, Pan, those are just different names of our Lord Downstairs,' Ville gulped down the contents of the coffee cup with a shudder and a wince. 'Fuck me sideways, a heavenly manna, the tears of the Virgin Mary,' he said with tears running down his cheeks. 'I'm weeping out of joy,' he explained, wiping the tears away.

'Ville, my dear Ville, there's so much stuff I didn't know about until this day,' Hiili poured the contents of the wooden pen holder down his throat. 'I daresay, this Apocalypse of Villevalo The Revelator would have left a much bigger impression on me, if you had told it to me a couple of days earlier.'

'Is he your lover or something?' Mige asked Ville simply, while he was trying to get rid of the taste of the koskenkorva by smoking a sweet-smelling cigarette.

'I am,' Hiili said.

'He was,' Ville said. 'But then we broke up when I started dating Susanna. Because I never cheat on people.'

Mige rubbed his face thoughtfully.

'Can't really nit-pick such a logic, can you?' He complimented Ville.

'Ingenious son of a bitch,' Hiili said, filling up the containers once again. They were purposely talking about Ville as if he wasn't there, to force some kind of excuse out of him, but Ville was blatantly pretending that he didn't understand their intentions. And that nothing happened at all. He withstood the attack of two men with a truly royal endurance, he didn't even ask his usual "What?" when the two of them fixed their gaze on him. Although after two minutes of that stare fest he started examining his boogers with a look of a true explorer, hoping that the two men would break down first. Ville knew perfectly well that they were looking at him, and still, not a single muscle moved on his face. Mige failed to keep the straight face any longer and chuckled. The pause, however, had dragged for too long, so Mige continued the conversation:

'So you came here all like "Is there really no chance to start once again?.." And here I am.'

'And here you are,' Hiili agreed.

'Don't you feel ashamed, you demon?' Mige asked Ville tenderly.

'I regret nothing,' Ville said seriously.

'Well then... Bottoms up, fellas,' Mige, who was playing the role of the Incumbent Of Pan on their Feast of Life, proposed the toast.

They didn't bring up the subject after that. They talked a little about the album. Then they listened to some reggae, because Ville persuaded them to do so. Then Ville told them that they had to perform a ritual group act of worship to Black Sabbath, because Ozzy's voice was commanding him to surrender to his will. Then they sang along to KISS. And then they ran out of vodka.

It was late in the night, and all the shops were closed. Hiili remembered that he had a friend, who could fetch them some coke.

'Look who's been playing the v-card all along!' Mige marvelled.

'Just like your fucking demon,' Hiili lisped mockingly, pointing at Valo with a gloomy look on his face.

'But I wasn't playing anything!' Ville exclaimed indignantly.

'Ohreally,' Hiili said.

'I couldn't get any action going,' Ville said. 'I'm not lying, tell him, Mize...'

'And what about that broad? I remember you telling me a fascinating erotic story about you barfing on her.'

'Oh, come on, how the hell was I supposed to come anywhere near her after that?' Ville answered Mige's question with a question.

'Well, you know, Hiili, even if he was dripping with all burning sexuality, he was doing it very privately. Add to that the fact that he was shit faced most of the time.'

'So what if I am shit faced?' Ville wondered. 'I'm shit faced at this very moment. You and I, Mige, we've been shit faced for two days now. And unless I'm terribly mistaken it didn't stop you from...'

'What I did was an act of mercy,' Mige cut him off. 'For myself, above all.'

'For yourself?' Ville asked in disbelief.

'Of course. You would've scooped my brains out with a tea spoon, unless someone had fucked you. I've known you forever, I know every single word that's going to come out of your mouth before you even say it. Now, for example, you will say, "you know my ass!"

'You know my ass!' Ville said.

Hiili broke into a giggle.

'You would've gotten all grumpy, bitchy, and whiny,' Mige continued. 'I couldn't take it anymore, my brain was already dripping out of my ears from listening to all your whining "Oh I'm probably gonna die, oh I need to call her". You know you just can't stop when it comes to wallowing in self-pity.'

'I can't,' Ville agreed. 'Did I call her?'

'No, your mouth was busy,' Mige said.

'That's good,' Ville said.

'I had no idea that I could save myself the bother by calling Hiili. If only I had known that I could call him, I would definitely have done that. Hiili, trust me, mate...'

'You fucking immoral bastards,' Hiili said in a miserable voice. 'The two of you, you're fucking immoral bastards.'

Then Hiili's friend came and brought them a couple of bags of powdery happiness.

Later on, when Ville was analysing the events of that evening, he found it rather hard to determinate the exact moment when he had made the fatal mistake. It's really hard to tell the exact point of no return when you had been drinking vodka, smoking weed for the past two days and then decided to sniff in a road or two. That kind of a complex situation, when it's hard to pinpoint, which one of those actions became the last straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.

Ville thought that he had quietly and peacefully passed out, and nothing else had happened afterwards, so he didn't believe what Mige told him at first. He thought that his friend was yammering some of his psychedelic bullshit as usual. But at some point he broke into cold sweat, as he realised that everything that Mige was telling him was true, because he started to get some flash backs of those events in his memory.

In the end, Mige enlightened him a little about the ending of their languorous evening. According to him, Ville had stated that the fucking coke didn't get him at all, and that it must have been cut with some bullshit crap. Then they convinced Hiili that the two of them were Warlocks of the Secret Masonic Order of the Twilight Goat, and that they are going to kill him, if he ever dares to mention that to anyone. The joke seemed hilarious to both of them. But Hiili started crying for some reason.

They told him that the only way to save him was to perform the rite of the Star Nephrite on him.

'The Nephrite?' Ville asked Mige in a weak voice. 'Did I actually mention Nephrite around you?'

'Yes,' Mige snapped. 'Sure enough, I couldn't help but instantly remember some of the Urinic Practices.'

'The Uranic Practices, dumbass. They are dedicated to the goddess Urania.'

'Fuck, you know I always get those two mixed up, I thought you were talking about the Urinic ones,' Mige said guiltily. 'Well, you should've been more precise. It got me so excited.'

'So, what you're trying to say is: you peed on him.'

'No-no, WE peed on him,' Mige specified calmly. 'We covered him in piss. Ritually. Urinicly.'

Ville's shoulders started shaking with laughter:

'Fucking hell. How am I supposed to look him in the eyes after that?'

'Oh don't worry, dear. You have already looked in the ultimate eye of him yesterday, if you know what I mean. I suppose you didn't see that coming either, did you? And by "looking" I don't mean that you were just enjoying the view.'

'Wait-wait-wait, what the fuck are you talking about?'

'You see, originally you said... Not that I didn't like the idea, but you were so obsessed with it, it caught me by surprise...'

'For fuck's sake, spit it out.'

'You said that your Lord Satan is ordering you to blow him.'

'Wait, what? What did my Lord Satan order me? I? Had to blow Hiili?'

'No, that was a quote of the direct speech. So it's like... Hiili had to blow me.'

'Thank you, Satan,' Ville said. 'From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You're the real bro, bro. So I decided that Hiili had to give you a blow job?'

'Exactly. You're such a sweetheart when you're drunk and stoned, I had no idea.'

'Me neither,' Ville snapped. 'So what happened next?'

'You told him that he had to dress up beforehand. We gave him my cowboy hat, you know, the one that you gave me for my birthday, and your ex-girlfriend's bra, which she left behind, when she was leaving.'

'I always knew I had that He-Man potential in me.'

'Indeed,' Mige nodded. 'You wanted to finish up the look with the stockings, but we didn't find any.'

'Good, Ville said. 'That's very good.'

'And then you told me to lie down and ordered him to get on all four over me and blow me that way.'

'Mige, it's painful.'

'And after that you shoved your dick up his ass. You told him that it was a crucial part of the initiation ceremony, which he had to go through in order to become the Initiate of the Twilight Goat Order.'

'I fucked Hiili?' Ville gazed at Mige in surprise.

'Hell yeah you did.'

'How well did I perform?'

'He was begging for more like a bitch,' Mige replied readily.

'Thank you. Thank you, my dear friend. But the story doesn't end there, does it?'

'Well, we came all over his face, and his hair, and his whiskers. And then he went to take a shower.'

'Oh, that's nice.'

'What’s nice?'

'The shower thing, that was a good call. I was afraid my room's gonna reek of donkey piss. I'm allergic, you know.'

'So yeah, we took turns in banging him, and then we decided that he deserves a treat, since he was such a good bitch for us and served us so well. So we peed him in the mouth.'

'Oh shut up.'

'I can't, you asked for it. By the way, he was totally down for it. He kept saying "Oh yeah, admit me to the Order of the Twilight Goat."

'Damn it, now I feel ashamed. Kill me, Mige. He was right, we really are immoral bastards.'

'No, Mige said. 'That's for the first part of the question. And as for the second one – yes, we are, indeed.'

Ville fell back on the bed. His head felt heavy and was clearly not ready to meet the new day, and besides, something was telling him that he was still drunk and stoned from yesterday, because he simply felt good and didn't give a shit about anything.

'The gods withdraw:
 The great beasts come, Io Pan! I am borne
 To death on the horn
 Of the Unicorn.'

Ville said in the words of Crowley. He just had to. He couldn't resist the temptation. Mige loved when he was reciting poetry to him.

They were lying naked on a mattress under the same blanket; Hiili was softly snoring on the couch in the living room. That was a good sign. At least that way they knew for sure that he was alive.

'Oh, I see what you did there. I don't know what's so special about you,' Mige said affectionately, embracing Ville and holding him tightly. 'But I guess from now on I'll never be able to keep a straight face when hearing the phrase "death on the horn of the Unicorn". It's like I've only just come to know Crowley for the first time.'

'You've come to know him in the biblical sense, you mean,' Ville added and landed a smooch on Mige's shoulder, turning in his embrace.

'Yeah, indeed,' Mige agreed. He tousled Ville's hair and gently pressed his lips against the guy's forehead. 'Exactly so. Hey, so speaking of knowing each other in the biblical sense, has it ever appeared to you the tree of WHAT that Tree of Knowledge had to be?'

'It has appeared to me now,' Ville said. 'So that makes it The Tree of Fucking, right? And how is The Tree of Fucking supposed to look like, I wonder? Like a giant wooden dick, or something?'

'How did it go? The Serpent was tempting Eve to taste The Forbidden Fruit from the Tree of Knowledge...'

'And The Fruit looked like a dick.'

'Well, no, I mean, if we put it in a less literal sense, may be he, that very Serpent... The serpent by itself is a common phallic symbol, you see.'

'So, do you mean he was persuading Eve to give him a head?' Ville specified.

'Well, I suppose so,' Mige nodded. 'And then...'

'He shoved his dick into Adam's mouth?' Ville asked.

'Your head is full of dicks,' Mige reproached him. 'Eve was the one to offer him The Fruit, therefore, maybe she was hinting on cunnilingus?'

'Technically, I do NOT have a single dick inside of my head at the moment,' Ville corrected him serenely. 'Yeah, you're probably right about Eve.'

'I... it was a figure of speech,' Mige said. 'But if that's an invitation, then I'm pretty much mentally ready for you to taste my Fruit of Knowledge.'

'So the bottom line is...' Ville raised himself on his elbows. 'Turns out, we've just discovered the Sacred Truth of Creation. The Windows of Heaven have opened and the Heaven itself went ablaze! We've discovered The Truth, which isn't worth a brass farthing. The Ultimate Source and Origin of all existing Evil lies in Sex. Or, poetically put – in Love. As if we didn't already know that.'


'Basically, turns out that Love is that very Devil!'

'Have you changed your mind about giving me a head, or something?' Mige asked him tactfully.

'No,' Ville said thoughtfully, 'No-no-no. But what a fascinating idea: "Love is the Devil". Don't you think? By the way, speaking of Love. I wonder if Hiili remembers anything from yesterday.'

'Nah,' Mige assured him. 'That’s unlikely. He was even in the worse state than you were, because in the end, he was the one, who ended up covered in piss, and not you.'

'Seems legit,' Ville said. 'But... but we'll remind him, won't we?' He added with a devilish spark in his eyes.

'You know, dude,' Mige said. 'Sometimes my Love for you ascends beyond the cosmic heights and covers with its wave the constellation of Pleiades. And sometimes, at the moments like this one, I even come to understand why.'

'One could die on the horn of the Unicorn for such a Love. So how's your horn?' Ville inquired affably and politely.

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