Eros vs Thanatos: Whoever wins... We lose

Ice and flame, tenderness and passion, love and a decade-long friendship, all of these in a new breath-taking novel "Eros vs Thanatos: Whoever wins... We lose". It's a story about the relationships of Ville Hermanni Valo and Bam Margera right from the beginning. Translated from Russian by Sinistral Unicorn and Ankhesenpaaten Ra.


7. Chapter 7

Bam was having the time of his life.

It felt as if Christmas, Birthday, Hanukah and Halloween with three bags of candies, seized from the neighbours by treating to blackmail them, came all in one day. He realized it would be that way when they reached the venue, because as it turned out on the spot, the Lord of his trembling heart - the Idol and the Gap-tooth - was a real professional and in no way was going to let anyone doubt that.

He stormed up the stage like a hurricane at 6 pm sharp, right on schedule, after the technicians had finished the sound check. Don Miguel and Lily were on point; Gas and even Zoltan were on point too. The latter somehow looked sad and blue, despite the apparent promising vistas for the next 24 hours. Ville even kissed him on the cheek in a rush of feelings. Zoltan’s face lit up for a second, but then he grew sad again.

Bam took a seat right on the floor of the club, crossing his legs. He watched and listened as Ville, who was standing at the height of the stage in front of him, began to sing, and then started scolding the sound engineer and promoter’s manager, who was standing next to frowning Seppo. He was claiming vigorously that one could get a better sound out of a loo. Probably, the sound was shitty indeed, but to Bam everything was great anyway. More than anything, he liked Ville in his Rock Star character.

Especially from a side.

From a safe distance.

Apparently, Mige was enjoying the play as well, because he was standing with his back turned to the scene, laughing quietly. However, his shaking shoulders were giving him up. Bam noticed that Ville set his glare at Mige’s back, so he started waving his hands and shaking his head, pointing with his eyes at the upcoming danger, hoping that only one member of the band would see him. Mige took his hint at once; he turned around sharply, scratched his chin and composed a worried face, which was supposed to show everyone his deepest concern about the situation, leaving Ville empty-handed.

Linde smirked and nodded at Bam, giving him a thumb-up. Bam burst out laughing.

Damn, the adrenaline was boiling in his blood.

Everything was going great…

For a couple of minutes, the venue fell into silence. Mige used the quiet moment to drink some water, while the technicians were anxiously hustling around Linde and Zoltan, connecting them and adjusting the settings. Mige wandered off to the far end of the stage, avoiding Ville, who was walking up and down the stage, anxiously kicking the wires that were impudent enough to get in his way. He resembled a hungry wolf stalking the woods for prey. However, no prey was coming his way, everyone was busy, and Mige, who was ably faking an artistic out-of-body experience, was avoiding looking him in the eyes. Soon enough, Ville began to feel bored.

He grabbed the mic stand with his hand, pushing it aside, and looked down at the auditorium. Bam was beaming at him happily like a rabid cat. And so what, he was happy indeed. Ville couldn’t resist, Bam’s beaming instantly thawed his harshness. Ville winked at him, grinning broadly in response. It was a little chilly in the club, as the air-conditioning was working for the full venue and the stage lights were still off, so Ville had put on a sweater before going on stage.

Perhaps, a normal human being would’ve chosen a different behavioural pattern. But Bam Margera wouldn’t have been Bam Margera, if he hadn’t done what he did. He put his hands to his mouth and cried loudly and distinctly:


Mige, who was quenching his thirst behind Ville’s back, blew out a fountain of water. Seppo squinted thoughtfully at Ville and Bam, and pensively adjusted his glasses. Ville burst out laughing like a retarded hyena and showed Bam his middle finger. Bam laughed so hard in response that he even managed to fall sideways on the floor from his sitting position.

Seppo and the group of technicians moved over to Mige.

At that very moment, the speakers went live. Their sound engineer had finally got Linde’s amp working, and they heard Linde fingering a major chord. The chord must have reminded Ville of something, because he put the microphone to his mouth and sang, looking intently at laughing Bam:

‘Love me tender…’ he sang, slowly and lazily, imitating the famous Elvis style. Then, he made a pause, waiting for Linde to grasp the idea and play the next chord. Without even looking at him. Apparently, the mind reading was a common technique among the members of this particular band, as Linde was quick to catch on and play the second chord of the song.

‘Love me sweet…’

Bam couldn’t help but whine in an ultrasound. Ville sang it very indecently...

‘Never… Let me… Go…,’ it sounded even worse than “Happy Birthday, Mister President” sung by Marilyn Monroe to Kennedy. ‘You have made my… Life… Complete,’ Ville gave a whole new meaning to the phrase, as he pretentiously grabbed his butt with his hand and closed his eyes dreamily. Without a doubt, somewhere in the next world, Elvis Presley was burning with shame for his song. The feeling of embarrassment mixed with admiration was tearing Bam apart; it was scorching him from the inside, so he howled once again.

‘And I love you so… Love me… Tender… Love me… True… All my dreams fulfilled… For my darling, I love you, and I always will…’

They stopped for a second when Bam gave a loud cheering whistle.

‘Love me tender…,’ Ville made an unexpected pause once again, and then, in the same voluptuous Elvis manner, he sang, articulating every letter:

‘Fuck me… Long… Take me…………. To your heart…’

He had to finish the last phrase after a pause in a speaking voice, because Linde had bent in half with laughter somewhere between “Fuck me” and “Take me”, and was unable to play anymore.

‘Turns out, I had no idea what Elvis was singing about, until now,’ Mige boomed seriously into his mic, as it started working. ‘Man-oh-man… He was the last one I would’ve suspected…’

‘Hee-hee-hee-hee,’ Ville said. He walked away from the mic, pulled off the sweater and threw it on the floor. Of course, seeing that, Bam simply had no other choice but to climb on the stage, jumping over the lighting machines, pull out some money from his pocket and thrust it under the waist of Ville’s pants. Despite laughing boisterously and fighting him back, Ville did take the money. He looked approvingly at the twenty-dollar note and said gleefully into the mic:

‘Alright, boys, we can call it a day, I’ve earned us some beer money… Come on, Bam, get off me… Oh, please, move a little… I’m walking here…’

‘What about here?’

‘That’s Mige’s place…’

‘And here?’

‘Gas will kick your head off…’

‘That’s alright with me…’ Bam lay down on the stage, right next to the bass drum, trying not to disturb anyone.

‘Let’s start from the top,’ Ville said in a surprisingly serious and focused voice. The guys shook up, Gas gave a countdown one-two-three-four…

“Oh yeah, what a bright idea to lie down next to the drum-kit,” Bam thought, but it wasn’t like him to wave the white flag. Anyway, what else could happen to him in his current state? In all honesty, it was some kind of an unreachable mega-orgasm bound by adrenaline, music, this voice, and this… ah… it didn’t matter… Bam lay there, glancing at the empty venue through the gap between Ville’s spread legs. And it was the best view he’d ever seen. He even thought that sooner or later, he would ask them to make him a member of the band. He wouldn’t even ask them to pay him money, no. He would simply lie there, with his head under the bass drum, not hearing a damn thing, because Gas was kicking it with all his might. He would lie there, sipping on beer, listening to HIM and looking at Ville’s ass. Perhaps, his parents would be really disappointed in him, if they found out that this was his ultimate career goal.

He knew that they were playing this gig for him personally. He was turned-on like an Easter rabbit, but the whole situation seemed so emotionally important to him, that he didn’t even want to jerk-off. It was a gig for him, and him alone. And it was the best HIM gig, for sure. And it was the most obscene cover of Elvis Presley’s hit-song “Fuck me long” that he’d ever heard. Every song was just for him, he knew it. It was more than a gig. It was like… It was like being a part of a black magic rite, and not being a sacrificial goat, for a change. Or being the sacrificial goat, but still unaware that you are one. In fact, when it comes to black magic rituals, it’s genuinely hard to find the truth about which role you are really playing.


‘Hey, Bammie, won’t you get bored?’ Ville said, taking a towel to wipe his face and giving Bam a light affectionate kick. ‘The show won’t be as exciting for you to watch, if you see everything now.’

‘Oh yeah, you wish,’ said Bam, grabbing Ville by the shoe with his hand.

 ‘Hey, don’t even try to do that,’ Ville said threateningly, suspecting that the guy was planning some cunning move.

 ‘I will never get bored,’ said Bam. ‘Will you sing for me later, for an extra charge?’

 ‘Go fuck yourself,’ blushed flattered Ville, ripping his shoe out of Bam’s grip.

 ‘I could, if that’s what you want me to do,’ Bam said.

 ‘That’s not what I meant,’ he liked how quickly Ville turned serious and corrected himself at his threat. 

‘That’s not what I meant, too,’ Bam licked his lips, in some miraculous way managing to look Ville in the eyes smugly and affectionately at the same time.

‘Let’s go, we’ll rest for a couple of hours, and I guess there should be some food as well,’ Ville said in a business-like manner, this time deliberately dodging Bam’s gaze.


Just then, Bam realized that he hadn’t had a single proper meal in a rush of all the transfers, long conversations and other stuff, so he was the first one to run into the dressing room. His Idol, however, didn’t join them at the table, telling them that he wasn’t hungry and, besides, was afraid to go on stage. Therefore, he sat in an armchair in the corner of the room and took a snack consisting of a bottle of red wine and half a pack of cigarettes. Bam was about to say something, but the Apostles, also known as Ville’s bandmates, just waved at him and said that it was Ville’s regular routine. 

Then again, later on, Ville managed to surprise him even more. 

He really was at his best that night.

May be it was partly because of the audience, which was, by some happy coincidence, exceptionally good that night. The guys had told him before the gig, that in fact, they loved performing in Germany, because they felt appreciated here. The receiving side wasn’t trying to feed them some bird food and the audience’s reaction was always warm. It was true; it felt as if the venue was about to combust because of the incredible energy that was flying in the air. No wonder that Bam combusted in earnest.

 Sure as shit, this time he had the best seat in the VIP loge, but even there he managed to jump around, yell, wave his hands and bang his head. Because the emotions that were boiling inside of him just had to find the way out. For the first time in his life, he was watching the show not only as an outsider, but as an insider as well. Just as at every previous HIM’s gig that Bam had visited, he couldn’t take his eyes off Ville, but this time it seemed as if he was feeling everything that was going on in the venue with Ville’s skin. Moreover, a fair share of wonderful real erotic moments, which he and Ville had experienced together, was intensifying the sensation even more. Ville’s half-naked body, which was shining with sweat under the hot stage lights, looked completely different to Bam, now that he knew how it tastes, feels and smells.

At some point, Bam even forgot to jump and bang his head, staring at the half-naked God on the stage, who had put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. And then, Bam saw something that he was never supposed to see. He saw how Ville touched the mic with his open lips, and then, growing bolder, took the whole head into his mouth. Bam didn’t know how to call that part of the mic, but on the body part, which resonated at Ville’s gesture, that area was called “a head”. Then, as if scared of his own audacity, Ville feverishly grabbed the shaft with his hand. At least to Bam it felt as if Ville was doing that to him. Oh God, oh, God… Oh dear God… Another second, Ville took the mic out of his mouth, keeping it open for a moment and licking his lips, but at the very same second, just when Bam was going to catch his breath, Ville looked him straight in the eyes and blew him a kiss. 

‘OH YOU FUCKING FUCK!!!’ Bam shrieked like a fan-girl and hid his face in his hands. Ville smirked and walked to the other end of the stage. Damn, he was deliberately playing with him! The sounds of Ville’s voice were making Bam lose his mind, he wanted that voice to belong to him and him alone, he wanted those sounds to be caused by him and his actions exclusively. Having that in mind, he figured it would be unfair and immoral of him to deprive other people of this fine art. Therefore, he pensively put his hand into the pocket of his pants, adjusting the pressure of the material around the certain area where his pants became too tight.

After a few other erotic moves like that, Bam felt that he was almost ready to forgive that Ungodly Creature even for the things it was doing right in front of him to its dear friend Mige, as if it was trying to spitefully set Bam off. At first, Bam wanted to kill Ville for moaning and glancing at Mige while singing the most indecent lines in the lyrics. He was making them indecent on purpose, changing the poetic expressions with more realistic ones. Just the same way as he had been doing earlier on, while singing the Elvis’ song to Bam. Damn, Bam even felt a little offended, he wanted to be the only one to get that kind of attention from Ville.

After that, Bam wanted to kill Ville for taking Mige’s bass and riding astride his shoulders. That part of the show, in fact, used to be one of Bam’s favorites. Ville straddling his Faithful Stallion. Fucking hell, he used to consider that the funniest stunt Ville had ever pulled on stage! However, from that night on, Bam got disenchanted with it forever, because for some inexplicable reason, the idea of some man having his head between Ville’s legs stopped appealing to Bam at all.

For instance, his reasoning partly relied on the fact that he knew that his dear darling wasn’t wearing any underwear at the moment. Ville turned to Mige (thank God it meant that he was facing Bam as well) and smirked, looking him straight in the eyes, arching his lower back to show Mige his erection, which was damn visible under the smooth, shiny leather of his pants.

“Well, fuck me sideways!” Bam thought.

Mige giggled in response. Nevertheless, he didn’t hesitate for a second from performing the above mentioned stunt, although, fairly speaking, any other man in Mige’s shoes would have given it a second thought, because, to put it real straight, feeling the other man’s stiff cock rubbing against your face would be way too gay.

Only few other things could possibly give Bam a more graphic explanation of the nature of the relationship between Ville and Mige than the fact that Mige didn’t mind having his friend’s dick rubbing against him. Anyway, at least one of them had to be getting a kick out of that situation. Bam was dying to have a smoke, even though usually he never smoked while without a company and sober. Of course, he wasn’t sober. By that time he must have reached his new personal best in terms of the amount of booze drunk in one day, however, to his own surprise, he didn’t feel even a little tipsy. On the other hand, he was so high on the excitement and adrenaline, that it seemed to him, that he had never felt so sober, never felt, seen and experienced everything so clearly and raw.

Well, on the other hand, there was a bright side to that situation as well, Bam thought, looking at Ville, who just drove his crotch into Mige’s ass, clasping him to his naked torso. And on the bright side of things, the worst thing that could happen to Ville during the gig would be him getting too exhausted to get his pecker up.

Alright, go ahead, rub your dick against other men, you horny animal. Go ahead, the more turned on you get - the more I’ll be able to give to you. Damn, the idea to take Ville in a far less conscious state of mind than the times before, while he was high on adrenaline, booze and lust, was definitely a turn on. The images that flashed in Bam’s mind at that thought inflamed him so much that his hands started shaking with desire. It was the first time he had ever felt that way, but the fact that Ville was a guy just like him gave the situation a whole new exciting meaning, for it probably meant that he could really go a little further than he would allow himself with a broad. The guy turned on as much as him, and even if he hadn't been, still, there would be no need for Bam to read the tea leafs to know that. In the end, if Ville wouldn’t appreciate some of his enthusiastic attempts, he could always let him know that by adjusting his mug. Without wasting any words and holding the grunge… The variety of wonderful ways to have fun that suddenly unfolded in front of Bam in its full splendour temporarily overshadowed even the show on the stage. Bam must have slipped into some kind of nirvana, he definitely skipped at least a couple of songs, imagining all of the things he could do with complete impunity and with zero need to think or use his skills in flirting and courting to the horny animal that was lying on the stage in exhaustion …

Oh, that view brought him back to earth. Because the scene was definitely something worth watching. Wet from perspiration, Ville bit his hand with the mic, stroking his naked body with the other hand, at the same time, either brushing away the beads of sweat, or simply because he could. He knew that Bam was getting the best sight at him from the VIP box.

Damn, Willah… you fucking berserk-kitty, let me fucking dive to you on stage and be the first ever sweat-licking mega-towelie?!! It seemed like the electrifying jolt of mega-love sent by Bam’s charged glance made Ville sway a little when he was getting back on his feet, although, his way of changing the position and getting up, particularly, smashed to pieces whatever little knowledge of physics and anatomy Bam had in his head from his school times. Alright, damn it, if anyone dares to come anywhere near you after this fucking show, I’ll reap his goddamn head off anyway. Bam estimated the distance to the dressing rooms backstage, calculated the time he would need to get there before anyone else. He realized that he would have to leave in the middle of the last song and definitely before the encore to make sure that nothing unplanned happened… By a mere accident, of course.

No, he was going to be there before anyone else, and that was out of the question.

It was painfully hard, but Bam managed to stop hanging from the balcony of the VIP box, and dashed towards the backstage area even before the final song. His calculations turned out correct: he had had just enough time to catch his breath, when his Idol darted out into the corridor, slamming the door behind him in a fit of temper.

‘AAAAAAAAAAAAH!’ Bam threw himself at Ville, gushing with excitement.

Most of all, he liked the fact that Ville came backstage alone.

Well, of course, that manner of his probably looked pretty impolite and rather arrogant from the audience’s point of view, but Bam had never appreciated it more than that night.

‘Ouch, Bam, get off me, I’m sweaty as fuck,’ he pushed Bam away.

‘Like I’ve never smelled sweaty men,’ Bam giggled.

‘And why exactly have you done that?’ Ville specified.

‘I figured you would know that,’ Bam said.

Ville snorted and strode away purposefully towards the shower, which was further down the corridor from the dressing room. At that very moment, Bam made an important tactical decision.

‘Are the guys coming any time soon?’ Bam asked him, jumping happily alongside Ville to keep up with his pace.

‘Yeah, I guess they’ll go to the dressing room to have a drink and rest for a while, you could wait for them there. I think I’ve got the key…’ Ville patted his pockets, but Bam interrupted him bluntly:

‘Ville, are you really that stupid?’


‘Do you really think that I came all the way here to hang out with the guys?’ Bam was smiling, but at the same time, there was something strangely harsh about the tone of his voice. ‘Where the hell were you going? The shower? So keep fucking walking, will ya… And don’t even think that you’ll be able to keep me out.’

‘Fucking cocky thug, aren’t you, huh?’ Ville scowled at him.

‘I…’ Bam made a step forward, then another one, basically thrusting himself into Ville’s body in the middle of the corridor, ‘I’m a cocky thug, Ville,’ he said, ‘Even more so, than you can imagine. Wanna try me?’

Fairly speaking, that was a rather poor choice of Bam’s.

‘Well, why not…’ Ville agreed through clenched teeth, closing his fingers around Bam’s neck and yanking his chin up. Bam was expecting a caress, but Ville roughly pushed him off, holding him by the face. Pushed him away very roughly. Pained and hurt, Bam almost forgot to breathe for a moment when he felt his back touch the wall of the corridor.

Ville instantly jumped back, crouching and sneering, looking him in the eyes with his dilated pupils. It took some time for Bam to recover and restrain from immediately jumping down Ville’s throat, because in any other situation he would have already punched his attacker in the face. Ville knew it. He jumped aside and was sneering at Bam with his face saying “What cha gonna do about it?” waiting for his next move. Fucking great! So much for the night of love in Dresden!

Bam lunged at him, shoving his elbow under Ville’s knee, because he figured that his main balance point should be somewhere around that area, and he was right… Ville collapsed on the floor, followed by the torpedo named Bam, who threw himself to his feet, attacking his knees, Ville collapsed on the torpedo with a wail… Bowling merrily with laughter at the same time. Clearly, he was incredibly pleased by the way he provoked Bam. Bam was fighting the desire to strangle him. However, the situation revealed a whole new range of the other things he desired, so he decided to take the wheel and threw Ville off, putting him on the floor face down, straddled him, twisted his arm and pushed his own arm under Ville’s neck, roughly pulling his head up:

‘Are you… Satisfied?’ Bam’s victory in the sparring was as obvious as a morning wood!

‘Na-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah, I prefer other means of self-satisfaction…’ the wicked fucker hissed constrainedly from beneath.

Damn it, he made him laugh hysterically… and lose control. Ville twisted out of Bam’s grip, but the only place he could run to was the fucking shower, and Bam, even though his legs were much shorter, was much faster than Ville was. In the end, Bam managed to knock him down once again. Sure enough, this time around, they knew what they were doing, so they landed on the floor rather smoothly, chaffing a little against the rug with Ville’s elbows and the knuckles of Bam’s fists, because he had grabbed Ville by the wrists. Bam looked sidelong at Ville, who was lying under him and whose face was turned profile to him, and caught the view of the wicked tongue drawing the line of desire from the nearest to Bam corner, over the upper lip, to the opposite corner. Bam didn’t push his luck any longer and snatched him on the mouth in earnest, not giving a damn about covering his teeth. Ville managed to bite him on the cheek, but who the fuck cared. Apparently, that turned on Bam even more.

Both of them were shaking and suffocating, devouring each other alive, like two wild beasts, knocking their teeth, clinging to each other feverishly with their tongues, demanding even further intimacy with every kiss and every embrace.

The important thing was that they were snogging while lying on top of each other, with Ville’s face pressed sideways against the floor of the goddamn shower, and it seemed like he was getting even a greater kick out if it than Bam was…

Or rather…

Bam, too, would have gotten a hell of a kick out of it, but at first, he was in the deepest shock, simply because until that moment he had no idea that he was allowed do things like that to Him… That happens sometimes, when some of the greatest wisdom of the creation descends upon you, for example, when you learn to what extent of cynicism you can actually go when fucking the person you love. You find yourself at loss, wondering why the hell you have been so dumb?

Generally speaking, that thought was slightly overshadowing Bam’s pleasure of domination. He couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it.

Bam broke off from their kiss, choosing a moment when he was positive that his rival wouldn’t pull any tricks… Well at least not the ones that could really put him out of action, and sprang up to lock the door. The rival rolled over on his back and kicked him affectionately in the ass. So that Bam ploughed into the door with his face…

‘Ville, you’re such an asshole,’ he giggled.

The foot was bare, because Ville hadn’t been wearing any boots on stage. Therefore, all things considered, even the kick felt rather nice on Bam’s ass, so he didn’t get too mad.

When he turned around, that creature, for the lack of better word… of the God Almighty was creeping along the floor towards him on all fours. The creature looked utterly infernal. And fuck, it wasn’t funny at all! Not that Bam felt like laughing or really found it scary, but the view blew his mind at once.

At that very moment he forgot who, what and where he was. The only thing he could see was the half-naked body overcome by a completely animalistic desire, crawling to him, wet from sweat and steam (because they completely fucking forgot that they had turned on the water). He didn’t want to run away, no, he was merely afraid that he wouldn’t be able to satisfy that demonic succubi lust to full extent. He gasped and jerked the zipper of his pants open, freeing his cock. Seriously, it wasn’t like the creature was initially creeping to him with an intention to chat about the weather, in the first place.

Once he unsheathed his dick, he suddenly realized that it was the centre of his power, the source of his supernatural superhuman power, so he smacked it a couple of times against his palm, to meet the Creature with his weapon ready. Don’t get it wrong, he was hard, just got a little strangled by the pants. So he felt that he needed to revive his dick a little to make it look even more beautiful and appealing.

The Creature slowly ran its tongue across the lower part of the crease that divides the head of the man’s dick, stopped for a moment right in the middle of the tiny hole on the top and returned back down, and then the creature licked its lips once again and took the whole head inside of its mouth. Bam thought that he would be ready to build Ancient Aztecs’ mini altars for sacrifices throughout all of the vast expanses of Mexico if that was the price he had to pay so that that mouth… and that hand kept doing what they were doing now.

Ville’s hand seized him firmly at the base, his mouth did the same with the head, fuck, holy shit, there was only one other thing he wanted now, he wanted to see how much HE liked it.

‘Ville, do you know what turns an erotic movie into a porn?’ Bam asked him, breathless.

‘A cock. Hard one,’ Ville said.

Fucking hell, it was impossible to describe, but he managed to answer his question with the intonations of a… retarded kid, absorbed in drawing the limbs of a crooked stick-man. He was holding Bam’s dick in his hands, staring at its head with the look of the Babilon Whore, but the tone of his voice resembled that of a ten-year-old Down kid, ready and willing to do anything he is told to. Fucking hell, he had always had that quality in him and that was driving Bam crazy, he could carry himself as the most fucked up whore, but at some point, he would turn into a good mama’s boy, almost retarded one, who simply followed other people’s directions.

The worst thing for Bam was the fact that until now, he had no idea that Ville usually switched into his retarded boy mode when fucking. That turned out to be yet another mind-blowing weapon of the Infernal Legion, and this time he had nothing to put against it.

Alright. Cross that.

Was it really a bad thing?

It had never appeared to Bam that he could actually fuck someone as intelligent as Ville the same way that he would fuck a mentally retarded farmer’s stepsister of from some distant fucking ranch, lost somewhere among the valleys of Pennsylvania. Ville even behaved somehow similar at times… Bam had had the time to notice. Sometimes he jabbered off topic for a bit too long, or  pouted his lips a bit too much, or exposed his sex appeal a bit too much, not that he realized that just now, Bam had speculated about it for a long, long time… He was the God, the Rock and Roll God, but at the same time, he had in him what goes among the genteel world under the name of a mentally retarded cousin from Texas. That slut, who fucked every single male in the neighbourhood, unless he is a complete fucking faggot. The one, who gives you the simplicity of a kid, and the kink, and makes you feel the mightiest of all men, because she would give herself to you in the way that no other mentally complete bitch could even imagine possible.

Holy fucking god, how could he suck his dick like a mentally retarded slut, moaning and jerking him with his hand at the same time? AND OH GOD, THE WAY HE MOANED! It wasn’t even as if he picked it up somewhere, no, it was all natural, all fucking natural, he even started to moan at first as if he was a retarded imbecile, demanding one more serving of his pumpkin soup, holy fuck, holy… fuck… HOLY FUCK!!! Bam grabbed him by the face, feeling it go down on his dick with that naive animalistic groan… 

It was important to find a way not to come somehow, considering all of the above. Not that he wouldn’t like to, but now he was ready for something real mischief… And of course, he knew that that was exactly what he was expected to do.

He grabbed Ville by the face. Ville froze in front of him with his mouth open, catching the movements of his dick. Bam grabbed him by the face and thrust his rod deep inside, slowly, causing tolerable discomfort, but pushing further anyway… two green lanterns below, with the dilated pupils, disturbed him… He covered them with his palm and cynically yet gently slapped the guy who was blowing him on the cheek, hit him slightly, with no intention to hurt, more like giving a slap on the ass that gives the right stimulation and turns on even more. Bam had seen it hundreds of times in porn, he just wanted it to work, and fuck, it did work. 

Ville took almost his entire shaft into his mouth, clearly far beyond his comfort zone, jerked, but, nevertheless, stayed where he was, taking his dick even deeper. 

Bam yelled desperately:
‘Oh yeah, baby, FUCK YEAAAAAAAH…… damn, I can’t, I’m gonna fucking come! I don’t want without you!’

The erotic contact stopped at once. When Bam finally caught his breath and recovered himself a little, he found Ville lying on his back on a fucking towel, which was soaking wet from the water that was running from the shower, and undoing his pants.

Bam dashed down, pulling the goddamn polyvinylchloride also known as “leather” off the bare thighs. It was fucking important to strip him down of those wicked pants, because the thing was that Bam was still fully clothed apart from his love rod, which the fucking succubus had already sucked round in the most voluptuous manner.

Bam made it and threw his leg over Ville, who was lying on the floor. Alright, let’s put it this way, not that he chickened out, he simply couldn’t think straight anymore. He remembered for sure that he is supposed to be on top, when Ville hit him backhand across the face.

Took his revenge. 

Cynically bit back for the bitch slap earlier on.

Ville dealt him a slap on the face, a truly girlish slap, which had nothing to do with male sparring. Simply a backhand slap on the cheek. 

‘Wake up,’ he was told.

Bam thumped him in the face in response way before he could even realise what he was doing. Ville gave him another slap on the face, not heavy, but a rude and obnoxious one. Bam didn’t have the time to grasp it and hit Ville in the face once again, a turned on moan that he got in response burst his eardrums and something in between his ball and his dick, sending the wave of rising ecstasy throughout his body. Actually, Ville was right and Bam should have been more active in the given situation. 

Bam sharply threw Ville’s arms up, holding him by the wrists with his hand, recklessly burying his teeth into Ville’s chest, into his neck, not in the least conscious about leaving the marks, getting a kick out of the salty taste of sweat mixed with water that spread all over the floor and saturated the damp towels on which they were lying. That taste was turning him on even more.

‘I’m gonna fuck you right now,’ Bam hissed, losing his breath. He twisted Ville’s nipple with his fingers, stimulating it with a vibrant slap. Ville howled enthusiastically, managing somehow to reach Bam’s hand, which was holding his arms, and snatch with his teeth. Bam wasn’t supposed yell, but he yelled, simply because all of that was a bit too much for him. It seemed to him that even a bite of that creature could make him come, and it seemed like a brilliant idea… So he couldn’t lose any other minute. 

Perhaps, he should have asked or at least warned Ville, but Bam forgot all words, what he felt wasn’t even desire, it was some kind of an epic amok. He roughly put the guy on his stomach, and thrust his dick inside at full speed, without much thinking… However, Ville’s voice that barked something that vaguely sounded like “Motherfucker, are you fucking nuts?” sobered him a little. Bam remembered that he was dealing with a living person so he gently bit Ville by the neck, trying to ease the pressure of his body on Ville’s thighs, and made an effort to move slowly back and forth.

Ville arched his back, falling onto his hands, so Bam could feel the movements of his body better, and Bam had to agree in his heart that from the technical point of view, it felt much better than his pathetic rape attempt earlier, or whichever way to call it.

Frightened that he nearly ruined everything by his awkwardness, Bam sobered up even more. And that was, too, for the best. Because after a couple of minutes of complex mutual adaptation they were fucking merrily, like a happy pair of dogs, without the use of any creative resources, and most of all Bam liked the fact that Ville was fucking him back. He was acutely changing the tempo and rhythm, and the amplitude of his movements, and soon enough, he achieved what he had been striving for from the very beginning, the one below stopped thinking straight, concentrating, as Bam could see, on his own ecstatic feelings, howling out loud, encouraging Bam to increase the intensity the frenzied onslaught of his dick none the worse than the blazing flame that was filling the loins of the young lover, who had experienced so much in the last few days.  

They reached the peak together, even though the beginning boded no good. Bam was hoping that no one was standing behind the door of the shower and listening to their infernal roar, when they forgot how to breathe, when their brains got electrocuted by the jolt of ecstasy. A second before the orgasm Bam felt that he is probably going to burst into pieces, explode and die, because it felt so good that it was incredibly painful at the same time, and at the very moment when he thought “that’s, it I’m gonna fucking die”, it happened. He didn’t even understand that the same thing happened to Ville, simply because he was unable to feel or think about anything for a couple of moments.

And then Ville decided to take a shower.

Bam said thoughtfully that he is going to rub his back and stepped into the shower after him, right as he was. With his pants dropped down, and not bothering with taking off his shirt or his shoes.

They were walking back to the dressing room in silence, without talking.

Ville was walking ahead of him, wrapped in two towels. One was covering his hips and another one he wrapped around his head, the leather pants were waving on his shoulder like a black flag, signalling the thorough victory of the evil. Ville was swaying slightly from side to side, as if he was fairly drunk. However, earlier on, when he really was drunk he hadn’t been swaying like that.

Bam’s path of motion also more or less resembled a sinusoid. He walked after Ville silently, sniffling from time to time, all of his clothes were completely drenched, and his shoes were making a passionate come-hither squelching sound at his each step. He expected Ville to laugh at him, but Ville wasn’t laughing for some reason. Bam sincerely hoped that it wasn’t because he showed himself a complete looser, who had never had sex. He tried to squelch with his shoes a little louder and giggle, hoping to get at least some reaction from Ville. But Ville didn’t even turn around to look at him. Bam’s heart sank. All of a sudden, he felt embarrassed that he was, to put things straight, pretty bad in the sack.

Well… Not really in the sack, but… overall. Suddenly he thought that his behaviour was probably rather unimpressive indeed. Back then, he wasn’t really thinking about Ville’s needs. He wasn’t thinking at all. His brain got paralysed by emotions. And what if he fucking disappointed Ville completely?!

Deep in his gloomy thoughts, Bam didn’t notice when they entered the dressing room.

However, the loud laughter of the lads instantly brought him back to earth.

‘Bam have you ever tried taking your clothes off before taking a shower?’ Gas chuckled, splashing all of them and the surroundings with a fountain of beer from a can that he opened a moment ago. 

‘Tee-hee,’ said Bam self-consciously.                                                                                                                                                

His shoes squelched obscenely once again, making everyone in the room shriek with joyful laughter. 

‘Want some whiskey?’

‘Thank you, Don Miguel,’ Bam said, grabbing the plastic cup with his both hands.

‘Monsieur, do you fancy a fine spirit to uplift your spirit?’ Mige asked without looking at Ville, who was getting dressed up in the corner of the room.

‘Why, of course I do!’ Ville seemed to be a little offended by the fact that Mige even asked him that question.

‘Look at you, dumbo, you’re literally drenched to the bone…’ Mige gave Bam a caring pat on the head. ‘Look, I’m not going to ask what you two have been doing there, because it would be a pointless lip-labour. There’s only one question I have for you Bam “BUT HOW?”’

‘Hee,’ Bam began again self-consciously, ‘I meant it for the best,’ he took a swig of whiskey, ‘I wanted to give Ville a hand, like… Rub his back… Maybe…’

‘A hand,’ Mige echoed him thoughtfully, as if tasting the phrase, ‘Give Ville a hand…’

‘More like rub his back… Side,’ Zoltan laughed hysterically, ‘A-HA-HA-HA-HA. And I guess your shoes are all drenched because you were so eager to pass him the soap. Way to go, mate!’ 

Ville was lacing his shoes, but he sharply threw up his head at Zoltan’s words, his eyes narrowing dangerously. Bam saw it, Mige didn’t, but he, too, frowned subtly and shook his head, looking down.

‘Left him with a sore hole from rubbing, didn’t you, boy?’ Zoltan kept gushing out the witticisms, feeling it was finally his time to shine. All of a sudden, the last line about the hole turned out to be truly epic, whether or not Zoltan had originally planned to put that meaning into his message to the world. 

‘And. Why. Exactly. Do you care. About my hole. Zoltan?’ Ville approached him, crossing his arms on his chest.

Zoltan was clearly nervous; his shoulders were going up and down, however, he proudly thrust out his chest to meet his rival. He stopped talking, but Ville didn’t step back, the air was getting thick with fresh aroma of ozone, signalling an upcoming storm. Bam sniffled. Even the vivifying whiskey hadn’t saved him from getting perished.

‘Hey, baby-jackass,’ Mige studiously pretended not to notice what was going on between Ville and Zoltan. ‘Where’s your bag? You should probably change into something dry… We don’t want our diver to catch a cold or something, do we?..’ 

‘I didn’t bring a change with me,’ Bam drawled in a voice of a person with Down syndrome.

‘Ville, tell me, my dear,’ Zoltan drawled out, ‘Do you have a soft spot for retarded people?’

‘If you dare to insult Bam ever again, I will take it as an insult aimed at me personally. You will be out of here, is it clear?’ Ville snapped surprisingly coldly. He retreated from Zoltan and flew out of the room like a bullet, flinging off at the last moment that he would be at Seppo’s. 

Everyone started packing at once, for it was obvious that the languid evening had just been epically ruined. Bam stood there, shining, like a fool. Ville had defended him. In front of everyone.

Showed that faggot his real place.

Linde and Mige were delving into Ville’s bag.

‘Cunt, what a fucking cunt,’ Zoltan uttered through clenched teeth. Then he apparently remembered that Bam was still in the room and snarled at him nastily:

‘What now, gonna sell me out to him?!’ 

‘Did you just call me a rat?!’ Bam resented in earnest. To be honest, that was the last straw, he had had enough with Zoltan, but he was afraid that getting into a fistfight with him right there would be too stupid of an idea. 

‘Zoltan, did you have a glass too much?’ Mige asked him tenderly. 

‘Here… Put it on,’ Linde gave Bam some clothes.

‘Don’t teach me how to live, you, fucking Ass-Sucker of His Majesty!’ Zoltan lashed out at Mige. 

‘Wow, Zoltie,’ Linde resented, still trying to laugh it off, ‘Didn’t I agree to sleep elsewhere tonight, so you could enjoy your mating frolics? And yet here you are, insulting my friends. That’s not a nice thing to do, Zoltie. Not nice at all...’ 

‘Friends!!!’ Zoltan shrieked with a pseudo laughter once again. ‘Friends my ass! How’s your beloved friend, Mige? The one with whom you’ve been fucking so merrily for so long? How is he? Got bored? Found himself a new boy, who’s younger and prettier than you are?’  

Bam never expected to hear a tirade like that in general. And particularly, he didn’t expect to hear it there, from Zoltan, while changing his clothes and standing without his pants in the room full of people, all of whom instantly turned around to look at him. 

‘Zoltan,’ Mige said in a startlingly serene voice, ‘I believe there are some things that are inherently none of your business…’

‘I figure you shouldn’t have said that,’ Linde remarked coldly.

The whole life flashed before Bam’s eyes. Finally, he put on his pants and regained the ability to think. And then he understood WHAT exactly Zoltan had said. Hell, he clearly underestimated the evening, when he thought, that it had reached its peak. Mige. And Ville. Mige and Ville. No, of course he did have an inkling that there was something shady going on, but he wasn’t going to dig into details, and now it appeared that… Fucking hell, bloody Mige! 

‘Gonna hit me, aren’t you?’

‘And soil my hands with you? Fuck off,’ Mige sniffed and walked out of the room, slamming the door.

‘Ready to go?’

‘I’m ready.’

‘Well, Gas, Bam, shall we get going?’ Linde patted Bam on the shoulder as if nothing had happened, grabbed his and Ville’s bags (Bam wormed out of him a permission to carry his guitar to the car), and the three of them shuffled off to the exit.

‘Who the hell he was talking about?’ Gas asked them with astonishment. ‘What Mige’s friend?’

‘Who knows,’ said Linde ‘What kind of wild hair this faggot got up his butt.’ 

‘Damn, Mige probably hates me,’ Bam said quietly to Linde, almost into his ear.

‘Nah, that’s unlikely,’ Linde said indifferently.

Bam was walking to the car, deeply shaken by all of the occurring. He was torn by conflicting emotions. On the one hand, it felt good to be dressed in Ville’s clothes, which clearly and familiarly smelled of him, even though they were fresh and clean. Feeling his scent felt comforting and appeasing.

On the other hand, there were all of the today’s solicitudes, their sex, Zoltan’s temper tantrum and the words he had said about Mige. Bam didn’t know how to look at Mige from now on. But he figured how Mige had looked at him all this time. Now that he knew that, Bam even felt a little intimidated by Ville’s mate. It was the case when the calm was worse than the storm, and the peacefulness was worth than the anger. Instantly, Bam remembered everything in details, he remembered how Ville asked Mige whether he could go on a date with Bam, remembered all of the ambiguous jokes and allusions, remembered, that Ville literally asked the permission from Mige to let him join the gang. All of a sudden, many pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Making the picture of the world, so to speak, complete. 

What a fucking idiot he had been, damn it! 

Why hadn’t he asked Ville straight?

Because he was afraid to hear the things that he had heard today. 

Bam had no idea what he was supposed to do with all that valuable information now. 

When they climbed into the minivan, they saw that Ville was already there. He was discussing something with Seppo, who sat sideways on the front seat. Bam hesitated and got nervous, unsure of what to do. Where to ran, what to do, and what to think. But Ville patted the seat next to him, inviting Bam to sit by his side. He looked up at Bam for a second, poked him with his finger, and burst out laughing, recognizing his own clothes. 

‘It’s not like we had many options,’ Mige said, ‘Our Philadelphian Caballero hasn’t brought his wardrobe.’ 

‘Actually, I told my mom that I went to another state to visit a friend,’ Bam admitted. 

‘Did you at least call her, to let her know that you’re… alive?’

‘Er…’ Bam turned sad. ‘You know, I forgot. Well, at first, there were some problems with the signal, then I kinda forgot, and then I remembered, but I guess I drowned my phone tonight.’ 

Ville burst out with loud laughter. Seppo handed Bam his cell phone and then all of them were laughing quietly over Bam, who was describing the beautiful landscapes of Minnesota to his mom, pretending that the line cut off when the driver swore loudly in German. Well, at least at home the storm had passed by. Bam heaved a sigh of relief. 

Zoltan defiantly refused to take the same car. 

Ville embraced him by the shoulders incidentally, chuckling at his gown again, and that, too, made Bam’s life a little easier. He could feel Ville radiating tenderness and credence to him and that it even felt a little shocking, for it was such a far cry from Ville in his stage character. Bam couldn’t even have dreamt about something like that. The feeling between the moved him so deeply that he sniffled once again, feeling the tears in his eyes.

‘Have you caught a cold after all?’ Ville asked him simply and quietly.

Bam leaned closer to him and whispered, caressing Ville’s ear with his hot, wet breath: 

‘I’m crying.’



It was late in the night, so they reached the hotel in practically no time. Ville collapsed on the bed and Bam swiftly leaped on it after him, hugging Ville across the chest. He was wearing his lover’s clothes, and the lover himself was lying under him, in fact, the only thing he could do was happily thank all of the existing higher powers and proclaim triumphantly:

‘Fuck, I’m in heaven!’

Mige burst out with Homeric laughter.

‘Welcome to the first circle, out of nine,’ he said.

‘Huh?’ Bam squinted at him.

‘Oh… I’m talking about heaven, of course,’ Mige comforted him. His love started giggling quietly like a retarded hyena. Bam realized that he was still out on some of the jokes, ‘Do you know what heaven’s like, Bam? It’s like your usual fairy tale: the further you go – the scarier it gets.’

Someone knocked on the door.

‘Who are you, and what is your purpose, wayfarer?’ Mige asked the door in a formidable bass.

‘Hey, arseholes, did you forget that you’ve promised to let me in for a sleepover?’

‘Oh, damn, Lily, you’re right, we forgot about that… Come on in, get your ass inside…’ Mige got up from the bed to open the door. ‘The more the merrier. Sure you don’t want to change your mind?’

‘I’m glad to see you too, Mige, long time no see,’ Linde said, throwing his backpack on the floor and carefully leaning his guitar against the wall, ‘But if I see that cunt in my room, I will cut off his dick with a plastic knife and make him eat it. The cunt being Juska.’

‘Juska? Who is she?’ Bam asked. ‘Woah, Linde, you’re so brutal and fierce.’

‘You bet your ass he is,’ said Ville. ‘That’s the proud Viking descendant for you.’


‘Linde, of course.’

‘Wait, and who’s that fucking cunt Juska?’

‘Juska is a big fucking cunt,’ Mige said melancholically, as he laid himself sideways on the bed.

‘She isn’t a Viking descendant?’ Bam specified.

‘She is,’ Ville said, ‘But she’s a lame Viking descendant, and, what’s more, she is a male.’

‘My head is about to burst,’ Bam groaned pitifully. ‘Does anyone here speak human?’

‘The Vikings don’t use the language of mere mortals,’ Mige said. ‘In fact, the Vikings don’t talk to each other at all. There’s nothing to discuss really when they’re out of berserk state, and when they go berserk – there’s no time for talking, because they are too busy being furious. Sometimes they even gnaw at their weapons…’

‘And those who can’t reach their own weapons - gnaw at each other’s…’ Ville added in a tone matching Mige’s.

‘Ville, have you ever spoken to me?’ asked him Mige.

‘I don’t know,’ Ville said, ‘I can’t remember. I’m bad with my memory.’

‘…Couldn’t restrain from gnawing from time to time, though,’ Bam helped him in a very acid tone.

Mige shouted with laughter. Ville didn’t break a smile.

‘Juska is Zoltan,’ Linde finally said mercifully, sprawling across the bed and folding his arms.

‘Isn’t Zoltan his real name?’ Bam marveled. 

‘No, it’s not. Same goes for the rest of us. Calling each other our real names would be too limiting. You’ll understand that, eventually. On the other hand… It’s all for the best,’ Mige scratched his tummy thoughtfully, ‘This way we are delivered from the need to use the vituperative expressions on each other…’ 


‘The nasty, offensive ones,’ Mige explained. ‘Using those expressions creates a very unhealthy climate, especially if you are obliged to live with each other in a closed space for an extended period of time, but, unfortunately, it’s simply impossible to restrain from using them.’

‘Oh, I got it! I got it!!!’ Bam yelled merrily right into Ville’s ear. ‘Wait a sec… I’m trying to remember it now… No-no, don’t help me, don’t help me, I’ve learned it… How did it go…’ 

Mige and Linde didn’t have a slightest intent to help him, as they seemed to realise where the train of Bam’s thoughts was heading. Mige hid his face in his hands, Linde rolled over on his side, raising himself on his elbow to get a better view.

‘RA-KO-HA-MMAS!’ Bam articulated proudly. 

‘YOUBLOODYMOTHERFUCKINGTWATSWHOTHEFUCKSPILLEDTHAT?!’ Ville sprang up on the bed, sending Bam flying to the floor. Mige cried with laughter, covering his face with his hands and sitting up, and Linde helped Bam back on the bed, after having had his share of laughing. ‘I see it’s no good asking.’ 

‘Gappy,’ Bam said tenderly, still giggling. Ville lay down, gravely folding his arms on his chest.

‘Talking dickheads,’ he repeated his expression from earlier on.

‘Sounds like a new name of the band! “Gappy and The Talking Dickheads”!’ Linde said.

‘We could play around with it a little… Something like… “Dickheads Talking”,’ suggested Mige.

‘And The Viking Cunt,’ Bam added. ‘Or is it… The Berserk Cunt?’ 

‘Bam, do you even realise at whom you’ve just hinted?’ Mige said with a deadly serious expression on his face, moving carefully further away from Ville to the edge of the bed. Without wasting the words, Ville abruptly yanked the pillow from under Mige’s head and whacked him in the face with it in a fit of temper. And left it lying there. Mige didn’t bother moving it as well, laughing out loud from under it.

Linde snorted, and Bam, who only just understood how epic the joke turned out, collapsed on the floor, wailing with laughter. 

‘Fuck… Damn…’ he laughed earnestly, clutching his belly, ‘We-e-e-e-e-ela-a-a-a-ah… I… I didn’t want to… I…’ 

‘You didn’t want to, bah!’ Ville said grimly, although, Bam found a double meaning to that phrase as well and bowled with laughter once again. ‘Speaking about cunts… Since our erotic foursome is clearly beyond redemption… Lily do you think he is done with his Lady of the Night by now?!’

‘I guess,’ Linde nodded, ‘I barely managed to get out of the room before…’

‘Oh yeah, the plastic knife, we remember…’ Mige said. 

‘Gentlemen, have you noticed,’ Ville climbed out of the bed, stepping over Bam, who was still lying on the floor and shaking with laughter, ‘How wonderfully close the neighbouring balcony is? Lily, is that your room?’

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