Paralysed - When the fear is greater than the will

Ntsika is a 19 year old young man. He is a runner. As he he is faced with challenges in his sport and his life, he realises that the race to be great is only beginning. When he finds himself paralysed by fear, the doubt, loneliness, discouragement and worthlessness takes over. Does Ntsika have the will to keep going? Or will he remain PARALYSED?


7. Chapter 7

Ntsika had finally returned home after his two months in psychiatric hell; he hated ward 55.  He hated how they kept them sedated all the time. So drugged that everything began to move in slow motion and all that they could do, even if they fought to resist it, was sleep. Sleep, sleep and more sleep. He had spent his two months sleeping and having boring doctors and unrelenting demons constantly talk to him. The air was filled with the stench of old urine because some of the patients could not control their bodily functions. Ntsika was more than happy to be out of there.

Ntsika was lying supine on the sofa whispering to his hand which he had held up to his face with fingers dancing. He did that thing with his hand a lot lately. Marsha was sitting at the kitchen table with Karabo.

“I told you that I do not care about how you feel about me, and, I will force you to marry me or whatever... but, you will take care of this child.”

“You are forcing me to still be part of your life. I cannot even breathe this whole situation is so suffocating!”

Marsha pushed her Thai stir fry aside and leaned closer to look at Karabo right in the eyes. “Look, you might not like how things have turned out but guess what? I am not having so much fun either (she pointed at her heavily pregnant belly). We had sex Karabo, premarital sex at that, and sometimes when people have sex they make a baby O.K. You enjoyed making it and you will take care of it. When this baby needs money for nappies you will contribute, when it needs to go to school and take part in some extra mural activity or have to interview their father for some family tree homework… you will contribute. Own up and be a damn man for goodness’ sake!” At this Karabo flinched and then he stood up feeling emasculated.  He grabbed Marsha by the arm and she yelped.

“You don’t ever disrespect me like that.” Karabo said through clenched teeth. When Ntsika heard his sister yelp he jumped up and was in the kitchen in no time. He saw Karabo with his hand gripped tight around Marsha’s arm and he pulled him away forcefully. Karabo swung around and landed a punch on Ntsika’s chin. The next second Karabo and Ntsika were struggling for a knife. Marsha came over quickly and pulled them apart. Ntsika let go of the knife and ran out. Marsha looked at Karabo; there was a bloody spot on his green Polo golf shirt. She stared and he looked down at his chest and lost his balance from the shock. He walked over to the door mumbling how he was going to get the little bastard arrested. Marsha was telling him to keep still. When Karabo stopped at the door, holding the handle for balance and leaning forward, blood poured out of his chest like an open tap. Marsha was standing frozen when Lindi came into the kitchen from her room which was outside the house. She had seen Ntsika run out of the yard with huge eyes. Lindi found Karabo with his back to the door so she had to squeeze herself in. She saw the blood, there was blood everywhere. “Oh my…!”

When Marsha heard her sister’s voice she snapped out of her trance and ordered her to call the ambulance while she went to get a big clean towel to stop the bleeding. Lindi called the ambulence and then ran out into the street. Marsha stayed pressing down on Karabo’s bleeding wound. Karabo was on his phone calling a friend to come and get him because he knew that he would probably be a corpse by the time the paramedics arrived. “I’m dying man, I’m dying hurry.” Marsha was still in a trancelike state, she could not really make sense of what was happening which was why she was very relieved when her mother walked in. Her mother did not want this young man dying in her house. Lindi had already briefed her on what she would find awaiting her in the house.

The car arrived and Lindi and her mother got Karabo in the car and Marsha went into the nearest bedroom which was Ntsika’s and she sat on a box. Ntsika’s bed was moved outside to the garage as well as some of his belongings. His room was used for storage now. The garage had no door but it did have walls and a roof. It was not safe to keep him in the house, he would steal at night and because he went for days sometimes a whole two weeks without bathing, they could not keep him in the house because of his stench.

Marsha then got up and walked slowly to the kitchen. There were pools of bright red blood everywhere. “Why didn’t he just keep still?” Marsha thought to herself. “Now who is going to clean up all this blood?” The kitchen smelled like metal.

When Lindi and her mother came back to the house they met Marsha just by the door. “I have to go to the hospital.” Marsha said. Lindi tried to convince her not to go and that she had taken Karabo’s wallet and given it to his friend. “No, I need to go and I need to call his family. This is such a mess, and this is all my fault. It’s all my fault.”





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