The Proposition

Anger can be easy to feel but for some it's easier than others to feel that raging spark ignite.

Alexandra Henderson has always fought a constant battle with her anger. Made worse by the cocky Evan Escott who won't leave her alone at her new school, her aggravation at her step dad Mark and the constant pressures she faces, can she still fight it? And can she, as several pieces of her past haunt her, let the past be a lesson and learn to move on? Can she help herself to find a place where she can be happy and free?


7. Seven

~Chapter Seven~

I covered my head with a pillow squeezing my eyes shut. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to think about the past. If I didn't think about it maybe it didn't happen. But I couldn't help it. 

Nothing hurts more than thinking about his words. I'd tried so hard to forget about it but every time I felt alone or angry or sad they would always claw themselves into my mind, making everything I was feeling worse. And could I hide from the truth? No, I couldn't. I always knew that what he said was right, what he said was the truth but I'd spent most of my time dismissing it all, trying to pretend that it was lies. But it wasn't. 

And it's happening again. I was always angry all the time. 

'Do you ever give anyone a chance to prove themselves?' 

Evan popped into my mind. I'd always taken my first impression of him as the solid truth of what he was like. I'd let my anger stop him from proving himself to be different. He deserves more of a chance. 

I'd been trying to not be so angry, I'd tried not exploding so suddenly when ever Evan turned up. I was trying. And I think I knew why. 

'Don't destroy everything just because you can't control yourself.These words had always stuck with me. It made me feel guilty and sad. I'd destroyed every relationship I had because I couldn't control my anger and I don't want that to keep happening over and over again. 

I need to control myself. I needed to fight this because I didn't want to destroy everything this time. I didn't want it to end up in situations like all the previous times in my life. I just wanted to be happy. 


"Well at least the..." Mark's voice trailed off as he walked into the kitchen, mum trailing behind him with her suitcases. 

"Well this is a surprise," she said and I smiled awkwardly. 

I'd made dinner or I'd tried to. Mark had left to get mum from the train station and I'd had a spur of the moment decision to do something nice. I was trying to be a better person. 

"I thought you might be hungry when you got back so," I explained and pointed to the three plates of pasta on the table. It wasn't much but I tried. 

Mark and mum still looked shocked at what I'd done. 

"It looks lovely," Mark was the next to speak and he attempted a smile at me. He looked like he was apprehensive to do so but when I forced a smile back, he seemed to relax slightly. 

Mum placed her suitcase to the side and headed to the table. "You're right about that though, I'm starving." She sat down at the table and Mark and I shortly followed. 

It was almost a surreal moment. I couldn't remember ever eating all together. 

They tucked into their food and I slowly ate mine, looking between the two. I didn't know what to say. Conversation had never been a regular thing between the three of us. Especially with Mark, I'd always viewed him with the opinion that the less words he said, the better. Mum and I had never been particularly close either, even less so when we moved in with Mark because of her decisions. 

I gripped the fork tightly, trying not to let the anger bubble up at what had happened. It was still an issue in my brain.  

Mark started up some talk with mum about her latest business trip but I couldn't listen or partake. I just didn't have anything to say. I busied myself with eating instead. 

I'd thought making dinner would be nice, it made me feel better about myself but I could still feel the guilt and anger inside of me trying to take a hold of my brain. 

My head snapped up at the sound of my name. "What?" 

"How's school?" Mum asked, probably for the second time since her tone of voice sounded as though she was annoyed at having to repeat it. 

"Um, fine," I mumbled out, shrugging. 

I expected further questions but she turned back to Mark. Typical. She doesn't even care. I tried to rid myself of the thoughts as they would surely just help my anger to progress. 

"Mr Escott is always very quick to make judgement." 

I raised my head again as part of what mum said reached my ears. Escott. That was Evan's last name. 

"You mean Evan Escott?" I interrupted and mum looked peeved at me. 

She shook her head. "Brian Escott, one of my bosses," she explained, rolling her eyes at me like I was stupid. "He lives around here." 

"Oh, right," I replied dismissively before thinking about what she said again. Maybe that was Evan's dad? It was a possibility and if it was true, our parents worked together. I never knew that. 

"I'm gonna go to my room," I announced but as usual no one seemed to care much about it. Mum waved dismissively with a slight nodcontinuing her conversation with Mark. 

"Yeah, thanks for the meal, Alex," I mocked her voice under my breathe. She didn't hear me. 

I rolled my eyes as I poured myself a drink and left the room. Nothing ever changes. 

Sometimes I, half heartedly wished and expected her to come home and realise she'd made a mistake. We'd go back to our old house, I could try and rebuild my life there again. But it never happened. I think I had to except that and try to build a life here.  

Maybe I wouldn't ruin it this time either. 

I casted my eyes over old photos on the wall as I entered my bedroom. I'd tried to create some homely feel in this room to resemble the old one by littering it with memories. Needless to say it only made me feel worse about the past. I reached and pulled off a photo as I sighed deeply 

I want my old life back. 

Slowly tears fell down my face as I stared at the photo of Daz and I, smiling as we sat on the wall outside our favourite ice-cream parlour. And next my eyes fell on a picture of Connie, one of my old friends. Her hair was the familiar shade of blue that I remembered and her eyes so bright and big. And Charlie her old springer spaniel, bouncing along towards me. I used to love that old dog. 

I cast my bleary eyes over the few pictures. Smiles were on our faces. In fact in all the pictures I looked happy. We all looked so happy. I want that again.  

But I knew I couldn't get that back... That's not my life anymore.  

I slid down the wall to sit on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest. I clutched the picture in my hand, shaking as I cried. It's all my fault. All my fault that it all went wrong.  

I'd ruined it with my anger.  

I can't get the past back. 

And now I have to live here in the present. I have to accept this place to be where my future pans out. And I'm all alone this time. I'm so alone. 

But maybe then I can't hurt people? I started to believe if didn't build up any friendships, any relationships, I wouldn't end up destroying everything. If I had nothing left, what could I destroy? Nothing, apart from myself. 

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