The Proposition

Anger can be easy to feel but for some it's easier than others to feel that raging spark ignite.

Alexandra Henderson has always fought a constant battle with her anger. Made worse by the cocky Evan Escott who won't leave her alone at her new school, her aggravation at her step dad Mark and the constant pressures she faces, can she still fight it? And can she, as several pieces of her past haunt her, let the past be a lesson and learn to move on? Can she help herself to find a place where she can be happy and free?


11. Eleven

~Chapter Eleven~

Shutting myself into a toilet cubicle, racking sobs reverberated through my body. My breathing was heavy and kept spluttering as I gasped out air which got stuck as I cried. I couldn't breathe, too consumed by the tears and the pain. It wouldn't stop. 

I couldn't have felt worse, about myself, how I treated people... about everything and anything. All I could think about was how many times I had exploded in anger when I shouldn't have, how it had ruined everything and might ruin it again. 

I was a mess; a horrible, unforgivable mess. And I didn't even know why it had gotten this bad. 

I couldn't control myself. I couldn't help myself. That was why this was happening, this had always been why bad things happened. It was all my own fault. 

I held my head over the toilet, sure that I was going to be sick as my throat burned and I could taste vomit. But I wasn't actually sick, I just felt it from the effort that crying was having on my windpipe.   

I continued to cry, my eyes sore and puffy from it and a salty taste on my tongue as tears fell down into my mouth. I didn't want to stop, I didn't want to do anything. Just curl into a ball or sleep so I didn't have to think or feel at all. 

I heard the door of the bathroom bang open and I quickly tried to calm my crying. I didn't want whoever it was to know I was in here. My breathing still came out ragged as I grabbed some toilet paper to stem the flow of tears.  

"Alex, are you in here?" It was Miss Rigley. Shit. 

I wiped my eyes some more, hoping she wouldn't be able to tell I was here. 

"Evan said you felt sick," she said loudly and I think she must have been able to tell I was here. "Are you okay?" 

I didn't reply and kept still. I wanted her to leave but I knew I had to come out some time. Trying to clear the rest of my tears away, I slowly unlocked the cubicle. I had to face the world at some point, even if I'd rather not. 

"I'm fine," I forced out and my voice sounded incredibly hoarse. My breathing was still erratic but I was trying desperately to calm down. 

Miss Rigley looked at me, surveying my face and instantly looked a bit sorry for me. I wished she wouldn't look at me like, it was obvious she knew I'd been crying and I didn't like that.  

Before she could say anything more, I busied myself with washing my hands and drying them on the paper towels from the dispenser. I then followed her out of the bathroom in silence and back the way I had previously run. I could feel my heart racing in my chest but not because I was scared about what was going to happen or what punishment I would get, I was more worried about keeping the tears back from my eyes and the anger inside me rather than out.  

She led me through to the head's office where Evan was sat in a chair already in front of him. When we entered he looked up at me and his expression turned from concerned to more concerned. I wanted him to stop looking at me like that, feeling strange about it, so I looked away instead. Maybe if I couldn't see him looking at me it would feel better but it didn't, I could still feel his gaze. 

I breathed in slowly, sitting down in the other seat and facing the head instead. He's the only one who hadn't looked concerned when he saw me. I knew I must look a mess but I couldn't really do anything about it, I was too deeply filled with all kinds of bad emotions to look presentable right now. 

"Miss Rigley's explained the situation and I'm very unimpressed by you both," the head started off and I dropped my eyes. If I looked at his angry face too much I feared I would burst into tears again. I was just in a very sensitive emotional position right now, I think anything could send me flying off the edge and whether that would be into an angry reaction or sad one, I really couldn't tell. I just knew I would lose control somehow so I had to try not to with all my might. 

"At this school we have standards and rules and you have to follow them," he continued. Then he looked straight at me. "I don't know what sort of school you came from but this school is different. 100% attendance is what we strive for, it means you get a far better education. And if you can't accept that then we don't want you here. Do you both understand?" 

I nodded my head at him slowly, feeling my hands trembling. I felt as though he was being too harsh, maybe it was just to scare us both into being more well behaved. I had to admit it was working a little. 

"Yes, sir," Evan replied and he oddly sounded serious. The edge of comedy in his voice was nowhere to be found. 

"Keep that in mind then," the head told us and we both nodded again. "I'll be issuing you both with after school detention for a week, just as a reminder that we don't tolerate misbehaving." 

I wanted to protest, inside my emotions were spiralling, thinking it was all so unfair. In reality I just said nothing and sat there still as ever.  

Soon we were whisked out of the office with notes of paper about where to go for each after school detention. I stuffed it hurriedly in my bag as I started to make my way down the corridor. I wanted to get away quickly but Evan sped up to join me and reached out to take a hold on my arm. It wasn't forceful, it was gentle, but I still felt trapped. 

"Evan, let go," I told him, my voice still hoarse. 

I tried to walk on but he still held on to me. 

"No, I want to know if you're alright," he replied to me. I was a little shocked at how he'd remained concerned for so long. He hadn't fallen into his cocky phase again. 

"I'm fine," I said more forcefully, pulling my arm from his slack grip. He let me go but at a quick glance over my shoulder back at him, I knew he wasn't convinced. 

There was definitely more to him than my anger let me see. That included a part where he cared about me, I think I was starting to see that.  

Maybe he did really love me, I just didn't know why or how that was possible, but I wanted to understand it.

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