Sunday my suicide day

Two lost souls sit upon a rooftop at midnight. Both have had enough of the list of problems that plague their mind. Jada Raine appears to live a regular life: she has friends at school, she laughs a little too much and she finds happiness in art and music. But she hides the darkness behind her blinding light. Will she open up to anyone before it's too late?

Includes themes such as suicide/self harm/eating disorders etc so if it upsets you maybe avoid. Sorry.
This is my first fanfiction so I would love if you guys read it and commented on what I should do more of etc xx


13. stone and spirals

"Get into your groups!" Mr Bateman shouts.

Michael isn't in my group. I walk towards the small circle around our assigned teacher who just happens to be Mrs Murphy. An orange hat is gloved over her blonde hair.

"Miss it's so cold" Avia moans.

"We're going in now" miss says, leading us towards the towering doors.

After touring around the gothic interior of the cathedral we head upstairs.

Being ill and climbing up 1000 steps do not mix well.

A claustrophobic spiral staircase that seemed to curl into infinity.

The first 300 steps were OK, but as we continue to walk, the spinning motion of the steps dizzies my eyes.

Windowless walls slide too close to my shoulders and my hand searches for a handrail that isn't there. Keep walking Jay.


My timberlands feel like bricks strapped to my feet. I try to slow but a hand pushes me on.

Clockwork legs move underneath me and I mentally tell them to stop but they ignore my plead and march on.

Oxygen is becoming thicker, harder to swallow. Swallow it Jay. Nearly there.

But we aren't nearly there, the stone slabs are never ending.

A trap of a kaleidoscope spinning in front of me.

I need to stop, I can't breathe properly.

Don't panic. Stop panicking!

Someone help. Please.

Help. Oh god.

My timberland catches the tip of the next step and my hands slam against the stone. Laughter chatters behind me.

"Come on get up" an impatient voice says.

My mouth fumbles for words but fails to grasp any.

My shaking body shuffles to make a little bit of room for them to pass by.

Trainers and boots stomp too close to my head and I cover my face, desperately trying to push back the tears.

Nobody stops to help me or let me get up.

After what feels like decades hands hold my shaking shoulders and a voice snaps me back into reality.

"Jay!" Michaels worried face says from between the slits in my hands.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this" my mouth cries. He hooks his hands under my arms and around my waist.

Next thing I know, I am stumbling into a square shaped room with yet another staircase. This one metal and in the centre of the room, leading to the roof.

Michael sits me down on the bench that runs along the perimeter of he room.

He pulls my hands away from over my mouth and hold them in his as he crouches down in front of me. For gods sake Jay, why do you have to have a panic attack here?

"Jay breathe, you need to slow your heartbeat." He says calmly.

I try to breathe slower but I feel like I'm suffocating.

Eyes stare at me like I'm a zoo animal.

A clock ticks somewhere.

Tears cascade down my face and attempt to drown me.

I hold his hands tight and he reassuringly squeezes mine back as he helps me calm down.

Mrs Murphy runs over when she sees us.

"Jay are you ok?" She says patronisingly.

"She's having a panic attack" Michael explains.

"We'll get you downstairs whist the others go to the roof ok?" She says as she bends down to look at me. I nod through tears.

"I'm coming too" Michael says. She hesitates and then nods.

She walks off to tell the other kids to head up stairs. The teachers don't know what to do. They just look.

"Come here" Michael sighs as he takes a seat next to me and wraps his arms round me. He rubs circles in my back as I try and match my heartbeat to the one against my ear.

It's getting better.

The last of the kids are heading up the staircase.

"What are we going to do with you" Michael smiles into my forehead. I close my eyes and breathe in his smell.

I could fall asleep. His palm creates hypnotic circles on my spine and his other holds my head against him. His lips rest against my forehead, little warm breathes occasionally tickling my nose.

30 minutes later.

"Can we go to that McDonalds over there miss" Michael points out. Miss spots the McDonalds.

"Jay needs to eat and drink" he explains, trying to persuade her. She looks at her watch. "The others will be down in 45 minutes so I suppose so" she says.

"Ring the emergency number if you need me, meet us back here" she adds. We nod and Walk towards the giant yellow 'M'.

"What would you like to eat" Michael asks as I sit down in a booth.

"Can I just have small fries" I ask tiredly.

"Medium" Michael decides. I nod and manage a smile.

2 minutes later he returns with a bottle of water and some medium fries. He sits next to me instead of opposite and watches me as I stare at the fries.

I pick one up and reluctantly place it in my mouth. Chew it.

After taking a swig of water I notice Michael looking at me.

I avoid eating the fries for 1 minute.

Michael sighs. "Jay I know you don't want to tell me."

"Tell you what?" I play confused.

"Tell me that you have trouble eating" he explains.

I don't know what to say. His green eyes seem to swallow me up.

Wetness spreads down my cheeks.

"Hey you can tell me these things ok, don't be scared to tell me if you aren't ok" he says softly.

He's so nice to me.

"I didn't want to tell you because I thought you'd leave. Everyone leaves." I cry.

His envelopes me in a hug. He's good at hugs.

"Listen, I'm not ever going to leave you ok, don't worry about that" he smiles. "I'll help you through this."

I nod into his collarbone.

After we pull away from my hug, I wipe away my tears.

"First step, eating these chips" he smiles, as he puts one in his mouth.

30 minutes later.

I laugh as Michael tells me about the time he saw Danny fall on his face in the music corridor.

"Look" Michael points at the McDonalds fries box.

It's empty.

I was so distracted by our conversation that i didn't even realise I had eaten all of the fries.

Bulimia is something I don't suffer with but I suddenly felt a tiny bit sick.

The sickness disappears when Michael smiles, "you did it..."

"...And, you are still beautiful and you weigh no more than you did before."

I smile. He's right. I don't feel heavier, I just feel more awake.

"Thanks Michael" I say as I look at him.

"You should be really proud of yourself" he smiles.

Hope you like it so far. I Appreciate any likes/favs/comments you guys have done. I'm seeing 5sos in 13 days!!! - KT

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