Sunday my suicide day

Two lost souls sit upon a rooftop at midnight. Both have had enough of the list of problems that plague their mind. Jada Raine appears to live a regular life: she has friends at school, she laughs a little too much and she finds happiness in art and music. But she hides the darkness behind her blinding light. Will she open up to anyone before it's too late?

Includes themes such as suicide/self harm/eating disorders etc so if it upsets you maybe avoid. Sorry.
This is my first fanfiction so I would love if you guys read it and commented on what I should do more of etc xx


4. fluorescent lights and indigo skies

The pillow comforts my tears as I lay in bed, My arms wrapped around me because I have nobody else to hug me. Like me and that toilet cubicle, me and this bed have shared some depressing moments. Sleep is hard to grasp but I finally fall under.

Tomorrow is Saturday so I will wait one more day.

Saturday is over in the blink of an eye, it consisted of me hibernating in my bedsheets, squinting at my phone watching pointless videos to pass time.

Checking snapchat was torturing - watching 5 minute long stories of the other girls laughing and having a great time. Without me. Oh, and it turns out she invited load more girls from our group and yet still didn't even consider inviting me.

I wouldn't have gone anyway. I felt shit yesterday and I definitely don't want to interact with anyone right now.

As I lay in bed (Saturday night) I realise I wasted the whole day. This was your last whole day Jay and all you did was stay on your phone! I mentally punch myself. It's hard to get to sleep when you know it's your last.

My favourite time of day was always nighttime, I love to dream and it just provides a little escape into another world. But now I feel numb. The bedsheets don't feel as if they are touching my pale skin. I feel paralysed. As I close my eyes a teardrop escapes and runs for its life down my cheek and Into my pillow.

Waking up to silence wasn't abnormal. Mum and hazel have probably gone out. 10:12 - the little white clock at the end of my bed reads.

Having the house to myself was what I needed. It gave me the chance to think out tonight. Do I leave a note? Maybe I should write a long one like Kurt Cobain or something. No Matter how long I sit with the paper and pen in front of me I can't think how to convert my thoughts and feelings into words.

Planning how to get of the house is easy. When my mum and sister are asleep I just open my window and climb out. Get a bus to town and jump off the council building. To get to the roof I'm going to have to use the ladder just inside the door which isn't a problem.

Hazel and mum return and I act as normal as possible. To avoid interaction I take a shower - gotta make sure you've got clean hair for a big night out! Oh god what am I going to wear? Changing from pyjamas into clothes might take too long. After I exit the shower i lay out an outfit in my chair, ready for tonight.

Black jeans, black converse and a twenty one pilots t shirt that reads 'sometimes to stay alive you've got to kill your mind' which is slightly ironic.

I decide to eat my dinner with my mum as we watch real housewives or some shit like that. My mum always preferred hazel compared to me. Hazel gets all the attention and mum never really hides or denies the fact she has a favourite child. It is hard to live with, knowing that you are the least-loved person in the house. But over time it gets better. Actually Forget that. It gets worse.


I climb into bed and shout goodnight to my mum. She shouts it back as I turn off my light. Don't fall asleep whatever you do. Don't fall asleep.


Should I get up now? Yeh. God this is it Jay. I pull on my jeans and throw on my t shirt. I bring a hoodie as it will be freezing outside. After doing my laces I roll up my blind and clear my windowsill so I don't knock anything over. A picture of me and my dad is hard to take down so I pull the picture out the frame and stud fit in my pocket. A little band bracelet from a concert is also on my windowsill so I slip it on my wrist and open my window.

Cold, still air flows into my room. I dangle my long legs out the window and swivel around so I'm facing my room. Non-existent arm muscles lower me slowly onto the bonnet of the car and I drop carefully, hoping that the car alarm doesn't go off. Shit. My window is still open. Oh well, I can't close it now.

The bus driver gives me a look as I slit my change into the machine as if to say ' what is a girl your age doing at this time of night?'. I take a seat near the front, the only other people on the bus is a young couple that look as if they have been out for dinner and a drunk man at the back.

Fluorescent lights make the city centre glow. I have never seen it look so alive. I pull my hood up so I don't get molested by drunks and walk as quickly as humanly possible towards the council building.

70 metres of stone loom above me. A dark silhouette against the indigo sky. I find the ladder and make sure nobody is around. The ladder is stable but thin. "God Jay, why didn't you just take some pills or something" I whisper to myself as my hands grasp the cold steel.

After two minutes of climbing I reach the roof and notice I'm not alone.

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