Sunday my suicide day

Two lost souls sit upon a rooftop at midnight. Both have had enough of the list of problems that plague their mind. Jada Raine appears to live a regular life: she has friends at school, she laughs a little too much and she finds happiness in art and music. But she hides the darkness behind her blinding light. Will she open up to anyone before it's too late?

Includes themes such as suicide/self harm/eating disorders etc so if it upsets you maybe avoid. Sorry.
This is my first fanfiction so I would love if you guys read it and commented on what I should do more of etc xx


20. a heart's hideout

My heart sinks.

My lips tremble.

My eyes ache.

I want to dissolve into the darkness, the sheets swallowing me into nothingness.

What have I done.

Flashing images of Michael.

His head resting as he sleeps on the desk. His hollow eye sockets. His thinning face. His lost smile.

It wasn't him.

7:00am Monday.

My cereal stares back at me as I aimlessly twirl it around the bowl.

I feel sick knowing Michael hadn't eaten this whole week.

Leaving early to avoid those bitches on the bus, I am never speaking to them again.

It's surprisingly sunny, birds singing as I walk past, my legs pacing towards the bus stop.

Once I am on the bus I find myself wanting to ring Michael, to text him, anything.

Will he forgive me?

I should have trusted him when he said he didn't tell them.

But I didn't.

The canteen holds only a handful of students as I arrive, each one has their eyes glued to their phone screen.

I decide to wander the school until Michael arrives.

But he doesn't.


The empty seat next to me feels like a black hole trying to suck me up - and to be honest I wish it would.

Hopefully Michael is just skipping English because he knows I don't want to sit next to him.

Even though I do.

He isn't in geography either.

I am beginning to worry by now and so I drop him a text.

'Michael where are you?'

He doesn't answer.

He's okay. I hope he's okay.

I spend an hour in science scanning my thoughts thinking of where he could be or why he could be doing.

No, he wouldn't do that; would he?

I have the sudden urge to cry. Being away from him - even though it is all my fault - has clearly left us both with major withdrawal symptoms.

Lunchtime arrives and I honestly haven't spoken a word to anyone all day apart from answering my name in the register.

The music corridor seems cosy for my hideout so I head in that direction.

As I approach I notice the lights are dim. The corridor is quite narrow, which feels strangely welcoming.

A few people pass before I'm alone.

For gods sake, one more person.

Instead of looking at the floor and pacing past, my eyes flick upwards and meet the person heading towards me's eyes.


Wait no.

The person stops 10 feet in front of me and starts to turn around. Why won't they walk past me?

The boy is slim and tall; lanky. He wears a plain black backpack facing me now and his faded blue hair tickled the top loop of the bag.

My legs run me towards and in front of him, stopping him from walking any further.

Only a second.

One second looking into his eyes yet I see so much.

Pain - a lot of it. Sadness, hurt, love, care, kindness. The world.

I pull him into my arms - something I have wanted to do all week.

He hesitates but soon wraps his arms around my waist, burying his head deep into my shoulder.

I sob as I hold him and I think he is crying too.

"Michael i fucked up, I fucked up so bad" I struggle through the tears.

He sniffles.

"It's okay"

"No it's not, I should have trusted you" I cry.

His shoulder blades and collarbones feel sharper and more defined against my arms.

I never want to pull away.

He doesn't let go.

I don't let go.

"I'm so sorry" I say after my tears have run out.

"You don't need to apologise" he replies as we slowly pull away, our hands intertwined.

We sit down in a corner of the corridor.

"I missed you so much" Michael says softly as he looks towards the floor.

I take his hand in mine. "I missed you too."

"Can we agree to never fall out again" I suggest with a slight smile.

He looks up and nods with a smile.

I smile at his smile.

My wrist brushes something rough. I look down and see a bandage around Michaels wrist. He has one in the other wrist too.

He sees me looking but says nothing.

My fingers twist free from his and pull the bandage up slightly, revealing a stitched up line.

"You were the only thing keeping me alive" he says quietly looking at the line with no emotion.

I want to scream. I want to cry.

I do neither.

Instead, I press my lips to his.

In this moment it realise how much I have wanted to do this.

He seems surprised but kisses me back.

I pull away, my heart doing somersaults and dying at the same time after what I've just processed.

I take his hand back in mine.

"I love you" I confess.

He smiles shyly, blushing like the idiot he is.

"Good because I love you too"

He pulls me into his side, making sure we're always touching.

"Please be my girlfriend" he says quietly.

I smile "of course I'll be your girlfriend".

He smiles and kisses the top of my forehead.

"Now eat something Michael" i say passing him my sandwich.

The hour isn't long enough for us but we cram all our conversation in just before the bell rings.

"Stay at mine tomorrow night" Michael says as he walks me to my next lesson.

"Sure, we need to catch up" I smile.

"I'll see you in art" he says as he lets go of my hand with a smile.

Science goes quickly when all I do is think about Michael. I have known him for a while now but I'm getting butterflies in my stomach and I can't stop grinning.

I try to forget what he did to himself.

I can't blame him.

I messed up real bad.

This isn't finished I'll finish it another day sorry! I honestly can't believe how many reads this has got - it's unbelievable!

Loving your comments guys- they make my day. So feel free to comment. Love you guys I hope everything works out just fine and I hope you are all happy this week.

Stay alive - KT

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