“I’m sorry,” He says.

“No, you’re not.” I argue, eyes remaining forwards.

“Yes, I am.” He states, firmly.

“No, you are not. You never fully accept other’s apologies, so why should I accept your half-assed one?” I explain.

“How do you know?” He raises an eyebrow at me while rocking on his heels.

“You never wanted to be involved, strings attached or not. So why the fuck would you apologize?”


2. Chapter Two

Darting upstairs to the girl’s bathroom, I dragging Ashley with me. I refuse to show my face to the three of them. I’m so stupid! Of course he’d choose to go with Lane instead of wait a full fucking twenty minutes for my dumbass. Lane and him are more alike anyways; we’re just polar opposites.


I don’t even think he told Jordan if he was gonna hang out or not. Well, technically Ashley called it a date but ya know… Same thing, really. Ashley and Jordan had this planned for two weeks but I never really communicated about it with Jake.


Granted, I feel inadequate whenever I talk to him but that’s just a minor detail.


“I can’t believe he didn’t answer!” Ashley screams once we’re alone.


Jake had my phone,” I mock, making a disgusted face as I speak.


“And he couldn’t feel the fucking vibration of a damn call!?” Ashley continues.


He had it in his bag.” I continue.


“YOU COULD’VE ASKED!” She says, referring to Jordan’s curiosity. “I’m his girlfriend! Wouldn’t you want to know how I’m doing?”


I keep my mouth shut, knowing she has that line slightly mixed up.


I bring her up in conversation with Jordan a little more than he would like just to understand the dynamic of their relationship. Ashley just wants sex, to be blunt. Jordan wanted the same thing at one point but his views have changed a bit, at least that’s what I think.


“Okay, honestly? I’ kinda done with his bullshit. I’m so disappointed. I mean, I couldn’t look at any them!” I let out.


I slide down the wall, bringing my knees to my chest. It isn’t fair. He’s known for two weeks and yet it ‘slips his mind’ the moment Lane wants to hang out. Sure, Lane was in his life first and I respect that but I made plans first!


Well, technically Jordan did since I’m too much of a wuss to ask. To my defense he acts like he wants nothing to do with me. So, it puts a damper in my confidence. I don’t want to do anything with someone who doesn’t want anything to do with me. What’s the point in that?


I can see why. I’m on the weider side. I make sexual jokes 24/7 and am on the more touchy-feely side. I like alot physical contact so I know you are here. And am slightly louder when I’m comfortable with you. Basically, just an over-all ball of randomness.


He’s more quiet -to me at least. Not a whole hell of alot has come out of his mouth. More activity happens up in his mind since his eyebrows are always furrowed. He also stares off in the distance and has his lips are pursed. He isn’t one to do a lot of physical contact and hasn’t really opened up too.


He’s in the leather jackets and flannels, I’m in sweatshirts or t-shirts with sassy comments. He has a straight face and I always smile. He’s tall and I’m short. Blond hair and green eyes, brown hair and brown eyes.


We are two different people. Why did I expect something to work out?


Lane finally responds to a text I sent earlier.  


You shouldn’t let your emotions dictate your actions. Running away from your problems is childish.


My jaw drops.


My bad? I say, confused.


It is your bad. You should confront your issues. Lane says.


You don’t tell me what I should and should not do. Since when were you my parent?


I shut off my phone and gape at the wall ahead of me. What crawled up his ass and died? All I’ve done is been nice to him all year up until now. But he attacked me, or at least it felt like it.


Naturally, I snapped back.


I am not someone you want to piss off. Yes I’m short and generally sweet, but piss me off… You are a dead man walking. Not only will you have me to deal with but my friends and parents. Oh well…


“My mom is on her way, we should head to the office.” Ashley announces, grabbing her bag.


I nod my head and do the same.


“Let’s not go downstairs. If they’re still here, I don’t want to see them.” I tell her.


“I still feel bad for slapping him…” She mentions.


“For some reason, I don’t think that was a first for him.”


She tilts her head in my direction as an agreement.


When we get to the front office of the high school, Ashley slides down the wall and pulls out her phone. I however, set my stuff in the corner and lean on the door.


I’m not mad, just upset. Maybe a little hurt too.. I’m not sure. It’s hard to explain. I can’t look any of the boys in the eyes without feeling my heart rip itself out of my chest and run. My fists will curl at my sides but my eyes will water. Part of me wants to cry but the other part wants to tear heads off.


The door opens and my head snaps in the direction of the door.


In walks Jake.


My heart falls to my stomach. He is the last person I want to see right now. His cocky voice when he called my number on the way back to the school and the amount of audacity he had to leave without saying where he was going; it isn’t setting well with me, to say the least.


He could’ve texted me saying he didn’t want to come with Ashley and I! I would’ve understood. She was worried, Ashley. We didn’t know where they went, who they went with or what time they left.


Now I understand why my parents ask me where I’m going, who I’m going with, what time I’ll be gone to what time I should be back by. It makes sense.


“Oh my God! Tell Jordan I’m so sorry for slapping him. I didn’t mean to hurt him! Oh my God!” Ashley rambles.

“Okay, okay. I will.” Jake chuckles before glancing at me.


“You know what? I’m not even sorry for any of that.” I say with a roll of my eyes.


I focus back on the dark sky and continue watching all the cars coming through drop-off loop. Basketball seasons is in now so practice is almost every night.


I bite my lip and turn around to face Jake again.


“What are you doing in here? Thought you were going home with Lane..” I say, suspicious.


“Um, I’m getting picked up.” He deadpans.


I nod my head, choosing not to respond with words.


“Is Jordan okay?” Ashley asks.


“He’s fine, just got picked up by Lane’s grandma -she’s dropping him off.” Jake explains.


“And what about you? Why didn’t you get a ride?” Ash quizzes.


“I live too far.”


I knew that. Last month my dad picked him up and dropped him off for a concert I took him to. I sort of regret doing that since the band we saw isn’t apart of his scene. Heck, it wasn’t apart of mine either -still isn’t to this day. So, I felt as though everything was getting shoved down his throat and mine too.


I let out a sigh and cock out my other hip, still leaning on the upper part of the door handle.


“How am I supposed to know things if you don’t tell me them… Lizz?” Jake says.


I bite down on my bottom lip, hard and then swallow. My throat tightens a bit but I refuse to answer him. All the confidence and excitement I had today disappeared. It’s gone. Now I’m left here hurt.


It’s my fault anyways. How was he supposed to know if I never told him?


“Hmm..?” He presses.


“Oh. Sorry,” I turn around and face him, leaning against the door for support.


He raises an eyebrow at me.


“I was expecting a little dove to fly to you and give you a hand written message with little hearts doodled on it.” I tell him.


“Now is not the time for sarcasm.” Ashley mutters.


Jake bites his cheek and rolls his head around his neck, probably out of irritation. Who wouldn’t though? In case he hasn’t noticed, I’m stubborn as hell and resort to sarcasm at all times.


“If that’s the case, I never got the message.” He plays along.




“Yea, no fucking shit.” I growl.


“Are we going to sort this out or no…” Jake asks.


“I don’t know, are we?” I respond, sickenly sweet.


I bat my eyelashes in attempt to be sweet while smiling. Tilting my head to the right, I look up at him and wait for his response.


“My ride is here.” He says.


Shrugging, I move out of his way and allow him to leave the front entrance.


“Bye and sorry!” Ashley calls after him.


Shaking my head, I rest it on the door. God, do I want to just go sleep and forget all of this. It’s a lot easier for me to do so if I just blame myself and move on with my life. Sitting here and not knowing everyone’s motives is what usually eats me alive at night.


Ashley nods her head at the door as a white SUV pulls up in front of the entrance. Her mom is here.


“Whatever questions are asked, follow my lead. This is normal for her.” Ashley explains as we leave.


“I figured as much.” I chuckle.




I wake up to find that Ashley isn’t in her room. It’s 12:08 according to her alarm clock. She is more of an early bird than I am. Okay, maybe a lot.


I pull myself out of the bed and check my phone.


7 Messages from Smol Bean


1 Message from Smol Child


Rolling my eyes, I check the messages and don’t respond.


Who cares, really? They all chose to not inform Ashley and I of their change in plans. A heads up would’ve done just fine! Sure, we probably who’ve been disappointed that they wouldn’t join but at least we wouldn’t have been worried sick.


Actually, Ashley was worried sick and assuming the worst. I on the other hand was just downright pissed.


I honestly should’ve known because Jordan was already putting distance between him and Ashley.


Making my way downstairs, I find Ashley curled up on her couch with her phone clutched in her hands.


“He’s not responding.” She claims, glancing at me.


“He’s probably asleep.” I assure her, giving her a small smile.


“Lizz, it’s noon! Shouldn’t he be up?” She asks, upset.


“Um.. I don’t know? He goes to bed at like three every night. Now’s his first chance to actually sleep.” I laugh.


She doesn’t respond.


“Hey, let’s make pancakes.” I suggest.


Ashley agrees and starts getting out the ingredients while I search up a recipe. We decide to make scrambled eggs and toast; sadly there is no bacon.


After finishing breakfast, we sit around in the kitchen with nothing to do.


“Wanna try some alcohol?” Ash asks, randomly.


Stunned, I look at her with my mouth agape.


“Um,” Is all I can get out at the moment.


“My parents won’t know. They keep it in an obvious place anyways..”


I blink a few times, trying to figure out if this is reality or not before agreeing.


She pulls out the vodka and a shot glass while I grab the bottle of Mountain Dew.


“I’m gonna mix it.” I explain to her.


“Good idea.”


She pours a shot into my cup after I pour in the Dew. When I take a sip, it tastes like soda. Not that I can’t handle my substances or whatever but I prefer the taste of soda over alcohol.


“So?” She waits for my response.


“Tastes like soda,” I say and finish the cup.


However, my throat now burns a bit and my stomach feels a little funny. I slit my eyes at the glass, a little confused.


“Um.. Wouldn’t your mom smell this shit on my breath?” I quiz.


“Yea… Take a bottle of water or two. Not that that’ll do anything but ya know, stay hydrated?” Ashley suggests.


“No shit.” I laugh.


I head upstairs with the water and Mountain Dew, slightly panicking but slightly calmer. Ashley is on my tail and directing me to the guest room.


“Dude, I honestly hate myself right now.” I admit, lying on the bed all sprawled out.


“Mm, why?” Ash questions.


“I should’ve known Lane would manipulate Jake into ditching. I mean, Lane is always moody and distance as fuck! And it’s not like Jake is acting like my “fuck buddy” - or whatever I’m supposed to call him- anyways . C’mon like what have we done? Nothing.” I rant.


“He’s put no effort into anything. Granted, he’s all ‘anti-social’ and what not… Plus he lives like in the country part of Oconomowoc.. Not like he can hang out. But at least act like you want to do shit with me! How am I supposed to ask for your time if you keep putting up this front that you don’t like me?” I continue.


“Oh well… His loss.” I mumble.


By now, I’ve finished the two liter of Mountain Dew and start licking the outside of the bottle in a sexual manner. Ashley just watches me with her eyebrows raised.


“Lizz, that was one shot. The fuck are you doing?” She says.


“Um.. Practicing?” I say in a ‘duh’ tone.




I roll my eyes and continue licking the bottle. For some reason, everything felt more calm. I was more at ease.


But it was one shot… How can it make me feel so chill? It doesn’t make sense. Sure I’m underage and my brain is not done developing but seriously? This chill and sexual already? It’s been like half an hour.


“Fucking Jake. The past month, he’s been sooo weird bruh,” I start again.


“I mean, that long ass hug I got earlier was a first for me. It felt sooo good! I was so at ease with having his arms around me like that. But then he got distant again and I’m pissed. WHY!?” I wail.


Ashley remains quiet, nodding her head along with what I’m saying.


“Fuck. I have to see family tomorrow…” Ashley blurts out of nowhere.


“Daymn, I’m sorry.”


“I’m so not okay with this. I hate Christmas break…” She claims.


“Tell me about it.”


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