“I’m sorry,” He says.

“No, you’re not.” I argue, eyes remaining forwards.

“Yes, I am.” He states, firmly.

“No, you are not. You never fully accept other’s apologies, so why should I accept your half-assed one?” I explain.

“How do you know?” He raises an eyebrow at me while rocking on his heels.

“You never wanted to be involved, strings attached or not. So why the fuck would you apologize?”


3. Chapter Three

Almost tripping down the steps (due to immense laziness) I catch myself on the rail and plop myself down on the bottom step. I didn’t get a whole hell of a lot of sleep last night due to the fact that I had so much on my mind.


I never thought that I’d be a reason that a couple broke up. Sure, Jordan reassured me multiple times that he never liked Ashley or was even aware they were dating. But still! I am the reason they broke up! Or at least an excuse for him to call it off.

It was a four day relationship after all.


He said she used the excuse of a date to have sex with him and then he showed me the screenshots, so I can’t exactly defend her anymore.


Sure, I feel ashamed for guiding him into cheating but at the same time he never actually liked her… He just wanted to have sex. However, I can’t exactly justify or defend my actions. It is what it is, I guess.


In all honesty though, he’s a good kisser.


It’s also funny. I was on a FaceTime call with Jordan last night… We talked about that incident (the cheating) and kinda evaluated it, if you say. And then, I started to talk about Jake.


Such an amazing idea.


It’s funny because what happened two days ago with Jordan was supposed to be happening between Jake and I. The kissing, the making-out, the tickling. None of it required Jordan and I to be dating though. It was quite innocent.


Of course, Jake is just too damn stubborn to ever make plans or even hint at them for that matter. But then again, he is in band so he does have to practice after school every now and then. He also mentioned living on a farm, so I guess he’d have responsibilities there too.


I just find it odd that’d he’d agree to whatever the fuck we are, hell even suggest it and not do anything about it. Who even does that? Oh well… His loss.




“I’ll call you when I get to Jake’s house.” Jordan tells me.


“You’re gonna waste your data on me? Jordan, that’s stupid!” I state.


“Well, it’s worth it.” He says.


“Fine. Byeeee!” I agree.


“Bye, love you,”


“Love you too.”


The call hangs up and I make my way back to my room.


Why did I go downstairs?


Anyways, I don’t know why he thinks it’s worth it. I mean, I’m just one girl with nothing interesting about me. Sure I might draw, write or long-board but so can every other female on this Earth.


I don’t have the Southern drawl like my Mama (anymore) or the ability to cook like my Daddy. There’s nothing sexually appealing to me either. Okay, I take that back.


Why is he even interested in me anyways? I can’t do relationships. I hate commitment with a passion, I only care about myself, half the time I’m off in make believe… What’s the point?


I’d rather not get emotionally attached, if I can help it. I’ll get so close to the boy, probably give him my all and then he leaves. Next thing you know, I’m left on the bedroom floor balling my eyes out because I can’t cope. I’ll never go back to the way I was before that. Nothing will be the same.


I nibble on my bottom lip a little bit and grab my guitar from the corner of my room.


For the longest time, I’ve been trying to write some songs. But I can never find the right chords or strumming pattern that would fit the lyrics. Nor do I even have the skill. Part of me blames it on the guitar -the way it sounds, simply because it’s old and plastic. I feel like a newer guitar with better strings would sound better.


Jake however, he’s good at the instrument. He won’t take a compliment though, so I never really bothered commenting.


Oh well, I don’t exactly plan on making myself become the next American Idol - no matter how cool it seems. Sure, I’d love some recognition for covers I do on the piano but I’m not gonna put much effort into trying.


I’d rather not have paparazzi on my case 24/7.


Honestly, as of now I’d like to become an engineer like my Daddy. The company he works for, Johnson Controls, hires Veterans more often than college students. Well, actually.. They do internships with UW Milwaukee so when you graduate you kinda get “drafted” in unless some other company offers to hire you.


My plan is to go into the Marine Corps four years so they’ll pay a portion of my loans for college. I’ll then go to UW Milwaukee and intern at Johnson Controls my Junior and Senior year before applying for a position.


It seems pretty solid.


My phone buzzes with Jordan’s face flashing across it.


“Yes, smol one?” I answer with a fake bored tone.


“I told you I’d call back.” He grins.


I continue attempting to strum on my guitar, watching Jake in the background. He flips through a few books while motioning at Jordan to come in his direction.


“Hey Lizz,” Jake calls, since he’s further from the receiver.


“Yea!” I respond.


“Do you know a Claire Beckam?” He asks.


“No… I don’t really pay attention to a lot of the kids.” I say, confused.


“She’s in your grade.” He raises his eyebrow at me.


“Keep in mind, I didn’t go to Oconomowoc until last year..” I remind.


The boys continue flipping through what I assume is a yearbook.


Meanwhile, I mind my own business by becoming carried away with my guitar. Jordan can’t exactly give me all his attention since he is spending the night at Jake’s. But I don’t really mind -to be blunt. I didn’t expect a lot of attention from him to begin with. Jordan is pretty popular.


“What about a Hailey Fredricks?” Jake quizzes.


“Nope!” I chirp and angle my head so that my hair shades my face from the camera.


“How anti-social are you?” Jake asks with a light laugh.


“Have you met me?” I retort, unimpressed.


I mean, it took a lot for me to even say ‘hi’ to him; let alone ask for his number. I don’t exactly approach people who aren’t worth my time. Granted, Jake already made me weary just with his presence but at the same time he seemed pretty chill, so I thought ‘to hell with it’.


Jordan, on the other hand, approached me with one of his friends, Midas. Ashley and I were practicing for our speech on the Dateable Banana for this Shark Tank mock speech. And since Midas and Jordan were done with their speech, they decided to watch our’s.


And of course, right then and there, the moment they commented… I feel down the wall and freaked out. My face was as red as blood, I was curled into a fetal position and my breathing shortened. But, I quickly composed myself and attempted to laugh it off.


That was how Jordan and I met.


We were later shipped throughout the rest of the term by Midas and Ashley.


Not that I mind. I mean our personalities work great together but it’s the ability to get emotionally attached that I’m concerned about. I’ve spent so many years guarding myself that I don’t know if I can finally be ‘free’ again… If that makes any sense.


Don’t get me wrong here, I would love to fall in love and become careless. The ability to enjoy such bliss would be wonderful! But it was ruined for me. I don’t know if I can go back. I’m scared, none the less.


That’s what has worried me.


What Jake and I have the physical aspect of relationships without the emotional attachment. He can’t get emotionally attached and I physically don’t want to be attached. It’s quite perfect.


Both of us get the sexual desires or most of it at least and we don’t have to worry about strings attached. How simple does it get?


“Dude, Jake!” Jordan squeals.


“What?” He asks, confused.


“We are wearing the same shirt!”


I chuckle. He’s so excited over a shirt. A grey Jack Skelton shirt. It’s cute.


Dude,” Jake says, amazed.


“This was so unplanned, oh my God!”


Jordan’s screen becomes paused and I hear the little screenshot noise of his camera. I then get a notification on Snapchat from ‘Smol Bean’.


“Why do you do this?” I mumble to myself, jokingly.


Jordan comes back on camera again, grinning childishly.


“You’re a dork,” I tell him.


“I know!” He nods his head and his hair flops forward.


I roll my eyes and continue to watch the boys interact, rather amused. It was mostly just Jordan and Jake fooling around on Jake’s guitar or them going through old yearbooks and pointing out the druggies and sluts.


Not my kind of hobby, nor did I expect to be a guy hobby either but who am I to judge?


Jake whispers something to Jordan while nudging his shoulder. Both of them look at me before sharing a look.


Automatically, I become suspicious.


“He’ll call you back later,” Jake states.


“Wait…” I draw out, raising my eyebrows amused. “The last time someone told me they’d call me back later, it took them two weeks to get back to me.”


I know I hold grudges for quite a while and it’s not exactly the best thing to do… However, if someone says they’ll do something, I expect them to follow through.


My Daddy promised to get me a puppy if I stopped sucking my thumb (it was a habit of ten years and it was fucking up my teeth), immediately I stopped. He didn’t think he’d have to follow through but since I was begging for a dog for years, he knew it was the perfect thing for me to work for. Next thing you know, we got Jazzie.


“That was not my fault.” Jake states, pointing his fingers at me.


Oh really, then whose fault was it? Your phone’s?


I nod my head, making it obvious that I don’t believe him.  


“Anyways, text me later I guess?” I offer.

The boys hang up and I’m left alone in my room. For some odd reason I feel angry. Something feels off. That look they shared… It doesn’t seem, right. Fuck.

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