he thinks i don´t care about him anymore, but i care more than anything. ☾


5. chapter 5


Her mother spoke quietly, she almost whispered, because tears welled up in her brown eyes. She had dimmed the light in the living room and sat down in front of me on the old sofa, resting her long fingers around a cup of tea.

The last time I had been in this room was ages ago, as I waited for Helen to come downstairs to take her to a restaurant as a surprise. I knew, her mother didn't like me at all, but she was happy, that Helen found someone in her life, so I didn't bother her anymore after a while.

"The accident wasn't her fault." her mother mumbled with her lips around the tea-cup, taking a few sips.

"It had been raining terribly and I remember begging Helen to wait inside the house until it would´ve stopped raining so heavily, but she said she had to do something important, so I gave in." she took a deep breath, like everything was her fault.

"Three hours later, the hospital called, saying my daughter was part of some terrible accident near the country road. I took my keys and called for a cab."

Tears started to well up in her eyes again, as she tried to continue. Somehow I felt bad for bringing back all her bad memories, but I wanted to know what happened to my angel.

"Niall you should've seen her." she sobbed quietly and wiped her tears immediately away.

"They took her to the intensive care unit, and I wasn't allowed to see her for three days. Luckily she hadn't had broken bones or something like that. But they couldn't get her to wake up."

I pressed my lips into a thin line and stared down on the ground. I felt terrible for never visiting Helen in hospital as she needed me.

"So they decided to put her into artificial coma, after she didn't wake up."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I mumbled weakly.

She hesitated a while, searching for the right words.

"I didn't want my daughter to be hurt again."

Her mother realized that it was still a sensitive topic for me to talk about how Helen left me and the following decision due to drugs I made and so she kept on telling me what happened.

"A few days ago she suddenly woke up in the middle of the night. I wasn't there unfortunately, she was alone on her own in the hospital. I drove to the hospital, just as the doctors realized that Helen had a loss of memory."


It took me a whole week to get this into my head, realizing what made Helen visiting me and thinking we would still be a couple. Her mother said it was a kind of amnesia. 

Helen´s memory loss caused her to think, that we were still a couple.

Her mother didn't dare telling my ex-girlfriend the truth about us, so Helen didn't know that she had ever broke up with me.

Immediately I played with the thought of playing along and lie to Helen, telling her that she was right with us being a couple and starting a new relationship with her. But first there was still Cara and second it'd be so fucked up and egoistic to lie to her.

I mean Helen had her reasons, as she broke up with me, so I couldn't just wipe it all away and play like everything was still perfect.



Cara had called me many times the past few days and wanted to meet me and stuff, but I lied to her and said that I was busy with work and all, although I just needed time for myself.

Finally I had three options.

The first and for me the best option was breaking up with Cara and telling Helen that she was right and I really had a fucked up mind after my breakdown and we were still a couple. I swear I was so close to this one, because I could get my old life back with the girl of my dreams and like she said in the psychiatry, she still loved me.

The second and hardest one was ignoring Helen and being with Cara, but I knew I would have a lot of sleepless nights and haunted dreams again and the temptation of taking drugs again would increase a lot, since I wanted to be with Helen.

And the last, but right one was breaking up with Cara and telling Helen the truth. I knew she would freak out and maybe she would hate me and her mother, for lying to her and maybe she didn't want to see me ever again, but someday everything would come out definitely and then it would be a disaster.

I knew I had to tell her the truth, but I didn't want her to leave me again. I couldn't cope with losing her.

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