My Feelings Towards Him

Hello everyone I'm writing to express and let out what i feel for him. To begin with i have so much emotions mixed up, i feel love, i feel sadness, i feel happy, i feel down, i feel different in so many ways its so hard to explain. What i feel for him its so strong not even a trip to L.A. would get him out of my head. i really do feel happy when I'm around him, when he's hugging me from behind catching me off guard. i feel so alive when he takes me out to places that only with him makes it feel extra special. i feel so much power when I'm with him, so much strength, i feel like I'm in control of my own life. He makes me feel special whenever he would give me my good night kiss, Whenever we will watch Novels together. i feel like i can be myself around him, like there's no need to hide who i am. i still remember our first kiss, it was outside my job when he went to pick me up the first day we met, it was so special that just when our eyes met i knew he was my type of guy.


2. A Week Later

It's been a week that I've with him and i finally got to know his name, His name is Pablo it was a lot confusing to me because i was used to hearing Pedro a lot but i guess his name is unique. So when Pablo and i went to his uncle's house i stayed with him to company him for the little party they were having. We all were drinking corona, its what cubans prefer to drink, its mostly their favorite drink. We all got tipsy and so his uncle went to sleep with his wife and Pablo and i decided to stay up a little, We had a little more time to ourselves now that we are getting to know each other better. He couldn't stop smiling at me and i just had to look away blushing, Couldn't resist his smile i just had to admit, The more he would smile at me the more i feel that I'm falling in love with him. i know its incredibly shocking how you can feel love for someone in a week but hey this is happening for the first time ever to me, So all this that's happening right now its brand new to me. He tells me to put my chair facing him and so when i did it he would kiss me without any problem. Its so cute how he would smile while kissing me i just had to admit i loved when he would do that. Feeling his warm lips on me was like being in heaven to be honest right now. Once we finished with our make outs he starts to talk about him. (Pablo:"Sooo... do you like to party a lot?." i nod my head. (Pablo:"i need to let you know something i haven't told you before.. and i think its time for you to know." i started to worry because he promised from the beginning that there won't be any secrets between us and that's the first rule he's breaking. i look at him straight in the eyes waiting for the words to come out of his mouth. (Pablo:"i am a father of a beautiful girl which is in cuba right now with her mother, but problem is i hate her mother." i looked confused and asked why. (Pablo:"Because i just do, She didn't do anything to me but thing is i never loved her or ever liked her, i did it with her while i was drunk and it was one day, and we didn't use protection and so i made my daughter by mistake."  i felt my heart shattered when he said those last words "i made my daughter by mistake." i felt like he's a total jerk. He looks at me. (Pablo:"But you know what i wish for?." i raised one eyebrow. (Pablo:"i wish i had that daughter with you though, i like you a lot and I'm feeling like I'm starting to fall in love with you." i had nothing to say so i just smiled and he kissed me, Right there in front of the moon, We were both standing up while having our moment of love while the moon was reflecting on us and that night was going to be a hard one. After that awkward talk we had we both decided to go to sleep, i took off my shirt and pants because I'm not used to sleeping so tight and the clothes i had on were really tight. He looks at me and says. "Baby please don't take off your clothes leave them on please."  i turned to look at him.  "Pablo i forgot my Pjs and in order for me to sleep well tonight is if i sleep in underwear and bra only." So i slide inside the sheets with him and i feel him getting close to me from behind and kissing my neck, i giggled and told him to stop but he wouldn't, He placed his hand on my hips and turned me around fully facing him, We both started making out and i can feel him have a boner after he releases a soft moan. i was so turned on i couldn't help myself i tried to stop but he kept me going, He quickly grabs my hand and slides it inside his pants, Making me feel how hard he was. We both got intense and started going a little more further then just kissing, He starts to unclip my bra and take off my underwear. i totally forgot i still had little black stains of period because i was still on it, i told him about it and he said "Don't worry i won't cum in you baby." i took a breath and decided to trust him. After he got on top of me and started making love to me i can feel myself cumming. He whispers in excitement. "Cum on top of me baby common get it all out." i couldn't help myself and cummed on top of him it felt so good i never felt so good in like years. We kept on going until it was his turn to cum, After i was still riding him a few more minutes he said "Ohhh babe I'm so close." i tried to get off him but he grabs me by my hips and presses them hard on him and finishes all inside me making a whole mess. i literally got mad knowing i told him not to do it and its the first thing he did, When he laid his head back in relief i got up and went running to the bathroom, i tried to push all the cum out from inside of me but there was no way possible, i felt heavy tears dropping down my cheeks while my heart racing loud and fast. i felt like the world just collapsed on me. i stayed inside the bathroom for an hour in a half and Pablo started to worry. He starts to knock on the door. (Pablo:"Babe what are you doing inside the bathroom?." i didn't felt like responding. (Pablo:"Babe... are you okay? say something to me you're getting me worried here." i yelled in anger. "Leave me alone in a bit I'm coming out." He seemed not to care for what i just said. (Pablo:"Listen up if you don't open that damn door I'm going to break it down once i count to 10." He started counting, i yelled. "I'm coming out now just hold on." i wiped myself up and washed my hands and my face, i didn't wanted him to see me like this. i opened the door and he was still waiting outside he grabs me by my hips to pull me towards him and i pushed him away. (Pablo:"Babe whats wrong with you?." i ignored him and decided to get dressed. (Pablo:"Hey is there anything i said or did to make you be like this towards me?."  i couldn't stand a second being close to him so once i was fully dressed i grabbed my phone and started to walk out the door, i felt a pair of hands pulling me back. (Pablo:"Baby please don't do this to me you promised you wouldn't leave after i turn my whole self in to you and that's the first thing you're doing." i pulled my hand back and said. "I'm sorry Pablo but we can't do this anymore you leave me alone, Delete my number and forget that i ever existed, keep on with your life because that's what I'm going to do with mine." He started begging me to stay but i had no mind to think about that right now, i can feel my head starting to hurt and started to spin with many negative thoughts, Those thoughts are so hurtful it can lead you to kill yourself but honestly i would fail to do so. Once i was outside his house i started to run to the exit, It's a story building and i was on the 5th floor, i started to run down the stairs because the elevators were taking too long and Pablo was chasing me. i could hear him scream. (Pablo:Jadeeee.!! i love you baby please come back to me don't leave me hanging like this Hun." i ran faster and faster, i saw the exit and finally got out of the building and started to reach to my pockets were my phone was. i picked it up and called a friend. it kept ringing and ringing until it hit voicemail. "Ughh." so much frustration right now i can't even feel my legs. When my friend finally picked up i started talking fast, He didn't seem to understand so he asked for me to talk slow in order for him to understand. i told him everything Pablo did to me and just broke down crying, i can hear my voice crack from the other line. He tells me everything is going to be okay just stay in a local place where there's people and stay there and wait for him. i did what he told me to do. it was 2 in the morning and i woke him up to tell him to come pick me up because the asshole of my ex boyfriend just fucked up my whole entire life. He was a real nice friend Because he arrived in minutes later, i got inside his car and he looks at me, i turned to look at him and break in tears, he grabbed my head and hugged me tight, After he pulled away he kissed my head and started to fire up a cig, i did the same thing. (Friend Robert:"Hey so calm down okay everything's gonna be fine just know that that dutch won't ever hurt you again." i nod while exhaling the smoke. He turns to look at me. (Robert:"Did he cummed all of it inside?." i can feel a tear rolling down my cheek with the thought of Pablo back in my head. He decided to start the car and go to his house. He let me stay there for tonight because my mom knew i was staying over Pablo's house but what she can't know is what he just done to me. i took a quick hot shower in Robert's house and he let me sleep in his brother's bed which is not living with them any longer. i started to watch movies with Robert and i hear my phone vibrate, i looked at it to see a message from Pablo saying. "Jade i still love you no matter what but please know that you're absence just broke my heart into millions of pieces I'm sorry for what i did to you okay it was a mistake i didn't mean to cum in you, You know i don't want a kid unless you do and i know what i did was wrong but i couldn't help myself i l liked you too much, and now I'm going to spend the whole night crying thinking about you baby, i don't deserve this." i replied back. "Look Pablo we are done can't you get that through your fucking head? i don't ever wanna see you and i don't ever want to speak to you ever again got that? what you did was beyond wrong and you just laughed at my face after i did it with all my trust and this is how you repay me? well then I'm guessing you're used to making a lot of mistakes around the world but guess what you have to go buy me a pill to abort or i will sue you to the cops for what you just did." He replied in seconds. "i will buy you the pill don't worry leave that to me, and about us always know that even if you are not with me you will still be the love of my life." i asked Robert to get me a pill for my headache, He gives it to me and once i finished swallowing it i went straight to bed not wanting to think of all the drama that just happened today. 

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