In My Mind

We all have our thoughts about one another. It can change in one second or over several years. It depends on how you feel about yourself. Are you going through a phase or just getting too many hormones out of your birth-control pills? Well, it can definitely change a whole day. Why not a relationship?

With school, work and a lot of bad karma, it's hard to keep it all together and stay calm. How do people manage to stay calm and take control or advantage over the situation?
It's always easier to just watch a movie, where Channing Tatum gets hurt by a girl, and magically it all ends up with a romantic ending. But does everything really go that way? I don't think so, but I'm gonna try and find out.


4. Life as a black hole

I love going to the cinema. Even if I have to watch a bad movie. I just love it there.

We went to see Deadpool. He said he didn't want to see it, but when the movie began, he was so excited about the whole concept in the movie, when you compare it to the other Marvel movies. 

He was all about "no kissing" because he was getting sick. But who cares? I mean, one thing is that my immune system is excellent and I'm rarely sick, about one time a year, if you don't include sore throat and running nose. Then it's more like four to five times a year. 
But I would rather kiss him and get sick than just looking at him the whole evening. Even though that's how it turned out. We got to one hug and that was all. But I don't complain that much. It was wonderful spending a little time with him. He told me a lot about how his friends reacted, when he told them he was going on a date with an 18 year old girl. (Btw, he's 22) 
But we both see it as four small years. Exactly four years. Our parents apparently decided to give birth to us the very same day, but four years apart. 


Right now, I'm devastated. Life cannot be easy for one minute, apparently. 

My dad always yells at me for no big reasons. Normally I'm strong and doesn't really care about his yelling, but my life status right now, is a mess. I don't know how to keep up with it and just let it pass anymore. The tears keep rolling down my face, as I'm sitting all alone in my room, supposed to make homeworks. It's not something I can keep up with for much longer. I really need something to get a little better. 


Even though he might be there for me, he's not the one I'm gonna tell anything to. It might just scare him away. and that's honestly the last thing I need right now. I just want him to be here, so I can be somewhere else in my mind. He makes me relax, even when he's just sitting there, breathing. I don't need to see him, I just have to know he's there. 

I need him.

I'm just too scared to tell him anything, because it shows weakness. 
Can we just go back to the night together yesterday?

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