Open up to Me

Castiel is afraid to leave the house. His therapist and brother help him to make friends, resulting in meeting Dean, a shy mute, who might just be the only one capable of getting him to come out of his shell. | a Destiel fanfic with some Sabriel on the side | 39694 words |

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18. Chapter 17

Open up to Me

Chapter 17

 

Two minutes after being frozen to the spot, Dean had fled. Castiel had looked up at him with those bright blue eyes, so exposed and loving and Dean had freaked out. How could he do that to him? Castiel loved him. Wanted to be with him. How could he just run from that? This was everything he wanted. Everything he could have hoped for and more. Just hearing those three little words made it so real. It scared him.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

The words stuttered over and over in his head. Castiel's breathless voice rattling around in his skull, sending shivers down his spine. He hadn't realized he'd been running until he had to stop for breath. A woman passed by with her dog, giving him a curious look and he managed to rustle up a weak, polite smile before she continued walking past, perhaps a little quicker than before with her puppy.

Dean watched the little puppy bark happily, waggling his tail back and forth quickly as he walked. He reminded him of Butterscotch. That made him smile. He loved Butterscotch. It made him sad that he was still unable to tell him that. Just like he couldn't tell Castiel he loved him too.

He scrubbed a shaky hand over his face and sighed. Dammit. He left his car at Castiel's. He slowly began to walk back, trying to get up the courage to knock on Castiel's door and not be a coward and just drive away.

Once he got there, he knew what he had to do. He took the twelve steps it took to get up Castiel's driveway and to his door. His hand hesitated on the door before actually knocking. Three timid knocks and what seemed like an eternity later and the door opened a crack. Castiel's hair stuck out a little and Dean couldn't help but smile a little, almost apologetically.

"I-I-I'm sorry," Dean croaked, wringing his hands nervously. His face was red, mostly from running but partially out of embarrassment. "I-I shouldn-t ha-have left." He dipped his head in shame and began to walk away, knowing he'd ruined his chance. Castiel was a thing that only came once and he'd missed his chance. He couldn't expect him to take him back. He just needed him to know he was sorry.

Castiel had just gotten off the phone, waiting worryingly for Gabriel's return call, when the door went. He knew who it'd be, but he answered it anyway. He loved Dean. He could never shut him out. He was the only person who'd ever wanted to be let in. He couldn't give him up. He was too perfect. So when Dean began speaking, apologizing. Castiel began to worry. It was like having his heart stomped on for the second time.

"S-So you're going to leave again?" Castiel asked, biting his lip and let the door open just a little more to show his tear stained face. This was horrible. Did Dean just come back to say goodbye? Why was he doing this to him?

Dean bit his lip, hand hesitating on the impala's door handle. "I... I don't d-deserve you," he said quietly, taking a step back towards the house. He could see how broken Castiel looked and it hurt him deeply to know he was the one to cause this.

Castiel was on the verge of tears again. He needed to get away before the neighbours saw, but Dean didn't seem like he wanted to come in any time soon. "S-Stop talking, please. If I knew... you... you were gonna learn to talk just to break my heart, then I would never have said those stupid words." He was laughing but it was all empty. He was crying too much for it to be real.

Everyone... Everyone I love. They get hurt.

Dean couldn't speak anymore. It hurt too much. Castiel was tearing him apart and he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to fix this. To fix them.

Dad. Mom. Sammy. I don't want you to get hurt too.

Oh. Castiel's eyes softened. Looking at Dean with wide eyes as a few hot tears fell down his cheeks. "That's... That's why you ran away?" he asked softly. So this wasn't about Castiel? Wasn't about not loving him back? He just didn't want to see him hurt? Castiel felt like an idiot for being so self involved and jumping to conclusions. He should have known Dean would have issues with intimacy as much as him. He was just better at hiding it.

Dean nodded slightly, looking down at the floor. He was ready to leave, having said his bit when a gentle hand caressed his own callus hand. His head snapped up to see Castiel standing sheepishly in front of him, out of the house and holding his hand like it was an injured bird. "I-It's okay, Dean," he whispered. "Y-You don't have to say it. And I won't get hurt. I promise."

Dean was hesitant. He really didn't want to see Castiel get hurt because of him. He looked into Castiel's eyes and the longer he waited the more noticeable it was in Castiel's eyes that he'd thought he'd done the wrong thing again and was preparing for the worst. So Dean pulled him quickly into a protective hug, which made Castiel sag and sob in his arms. "I'm so sorry, Dean," he sobbed. "I-I won't say it again. We can just pretend it didn't happen."

Dean shook his head. "D-Don't," he whispered, holding Castiel tighter, burying his face in Castiel's hair. "Don't." He didn't say anything else after that but he didn't need to. Castiel understood. They stayed there for a long time before Castiel carefully pulled away, tugging at Dean's sleeve lightly for him to come inside.

Once inside Dean expected Castiel to lead him into the living room but he didn't. He walked straight up the stairs. Holding onto Dean's sleeve to make sure he followed and brought him to his bedroom. Dean looked around quizzingly before Castiel explained timidly.

"It's getting late. You should stay here tonight." His face was flushed and his voice was breathy and light.

Dean nodded, going over to Castiel's cupboard to pick up the blankets and pillows he'd used the last time he'd slept on the couch but Castiel stopped him, chuckling nervously.

"You can sleep here. If... If you want," he whispered. "In the bed... i-in the bed. My Bed."

Dean's expression softened. He moved his hands to Castiel's waist and drew him close, kissing the tip of his nose tenderly. They got into bed, both in their boxers and a t-shirt and stared nervously at one another. A huge space still separating them in the bed.

Castiel watched as Dean's lips curled upward in a timid smile as he held out his hand for Castiel. Castiel took it, shuffling slowly across the bed and curled up close to Dean with enough space still between them if he wanted to move away. Dean squeezed his hand before letting go and snaked his arm loosely around Castiel's waist.

Yes. This felt right. Being here with Castiel in his arms. He looked over at him to see his tussled hair squished against the pillowcase, making it curl down in front of his forehead and tickle his nose. Dean brushed it out of his face carefully and kissed him gently, trying to calm Castiel's nerves. It seemed to work. His breathing had evened out at least. Both of them where too tired to say or do anything else. It'd been a long day. Especially for Castiel. He'd surprised his brother and taken that next step to achieving his goal. Gabriel's wedding.

It was a long time before Dean spoke again. Castiel had fallen asleep by this point. His eyelashes stroked out against his cheeks and his lips were parted slightly as he breathed shallowly in his sleep.

"C-Cas?" Dean stuttered, quietly, biting his lip. He ran his hand up and down Castiel's side before kissing his forehead tenderly. "I... I-I'm proud of you."

Dean fell asleep soon after that with the knowledge that in the morning he'd still be here with Castiel and everything would be perfect.

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