Im here even when you don't know it


1. Drowning

The pain, it was unbearable. I have lived 150 years and not even the piercing of a bullet was comparison to what I was feeling when being locked up in a safe and forced to drown over and over again. My lungs felt like they were on fire as I held onto what breath I had until the pressure started to burn my lungs and the water rushed in like ice. The cold seeping into my flesh and it felt like small icicles were being driven in to every part of my skin.

Then I was just dead.

I forced my mind to a place where comfort was the only thing I longed for. My subconscious throwing me into an image of me standing in the boarding home with Damon or Elena at my side, talking to me as if I was really there and I held on to that. The hope that one of them would come for me. It was the only thing that kept me sane.


Stefan laid in his bed, asleep, his memories coming back to him in a wave of agony after Tessa forced them back in place out of anger and dreams became nightmares.

His breathing was more like panting, his head rolling side to side.

("Hello my shadow self." It was like staring into a mirror, shocked he didn't see the stake that Silas plunged into his abdominal until he felt the pain it brought on.)

(Stefan screamed, but it was to late, he doubled over only to be roughly pushed back into the very safe that was meant for Silas, who closed the latch and locked it. He was thrown into the quarry that immediately filled with water as soon as it made contact.)

Stefan's head moved to one side then the other in a fast pace as he could feel ever ounce of that suffering all over again.

("Stop..." He begged, the fear overcoming every sense as he realized what fate had in store for him.)

Stefan gripped the bed sheets, his neck was strained as he gasped for breath.

(He banged his fists on the solid steel door but it was no use as his attempts to getting free slowed as he gave one more scream before the water rose above his head.)

Damon set in the chair, his thoughts glued to the fact that they had failed in bringing the witch back to life. Silas was MIA and if Katherine and Elena had another twin wasn't bad enough, Stefan had no memory of who they were and would probably never regain his memories but he didn't really think that was a bad thing.

A noise had him pulling his brows together in confusion as he realized it was Stefan, who sounded to be gasping and that's all it took to have him racing to his brother's room.

He stopped at the door and peered at the vampire who was now struggling, tangling himself in the covers as he continued to relive the nightmare.

He cautiously walked over to the bed and he heard the name Stefan kept whispering. "Silas..."

"Stefan?" He laid his hand on his shoulder, careful trying to arouse his brother from whatever dream had him gripped in its mercy.

He didn't expect the reaction he received. Stefan reared up, his eyes red as veins moved around in his skin and teeth ascended. Snarling, as he threw himself forward and at Damon, crashing into him as he pinned him to the wall.

"You, you did this to me!" He screamed, glaring at him but it was as if his eyes were not seeing.

"Stefan! It's me!" Damon grunted, "It's me."

For the first few seconds, Stefan's eyes continued to stare at him with such hatred and anger until the red resided back to their mossy green and he realized that he had Damon in a death grip against the wall and slowly unfolded his hands from the hem of his shirt before stepping back. "Damon? I'm sorry. I didn't..."

Damon rubbed his neck but continued to study him, "Remind me to never try and wake you up."

Stefan's eyes were cast down and he walked over to the window, to the warmth of the sun as it poked through the shades, Damon's gaze glued to the back of his head, wondering about Stefan's odd behavior.

"You know...there was these moments in that safe..."

Demon's eyes grew wide. "You remember."

Stefan didn't answer but kept talking, "This stillness in time...when I was dead, right before I was about to come back to life."

Damon walked closer to him, standing behind him as he took in his confession but it was the sadness in his words, that had him truly listening.

"I would think about things in the past that made me happy. Things that gave me hope." Stefan's head tilted to the side before he fully turned to face his brother, "All these things kept me sane. They pushed me to hang on...when all I wanted to do was give up and turn off my humanity."

They locked eyes and in that moment Damon not only saw how much it affected Stefan, but he could feel all the sorrow, the betrayal as well we the loneliness that he endured and all the things Damon considered he would never do, like showing Stefan how much he cared for him didn't matter as he moved forward and in seconds had him in his arms.

He could feel the small tremors that ran though his body as he wrapped his arms around him, the fear that still consumed him by being in darkness once again but he didn't talk. Stefan needed to talk, needed more than anything, for him to listen.

"But eventually, the pain, it took those moments away from me to."

"I'm sorry, Stefan." For the first time, he sincerely was.

"Every time I close my eyes, I can see Silas stabbing me. I can feel myself drowning, and I need to make it stop..."

Damon pulled away, Stefan eyes were clouded over with pain and not the physical kind. It was a wound so deep, that it went beyond any damage that was physical and turned into an emotional torture and all Damon could see was the brother that he should have been watching out for since the day his mother placed a newborn Stefan into his arms.

His hand gripped the back of Stefan's neck. "He will pay, brother. I swear. Right now, we need to focus on Bonnie."

"Damon, I am either going to go insane and die or I'm going to turn off my humanity...or both." The defeat was clear in his voice.

"No. It's not going to happen. Remember what I said? That no I will be here to bring you back, every second, of every day until you don't need me. That goes for now to. You'll get through this." Damon's words held truth, meaning like they had that night and this time Stefan pulled him into an embrace.

"Thank you, Damon."

Smiling, he figures the show of affection lasted longer than he would have liked and pulled away from him and smirked, "Now if you dint mind, there is a bottle of bourbon with my name on it, care to join?"

Stefan nodded, "Why not."

Damon walked out of the room, giving him one last glance before doing so.

His attention went back to the window and he smiled. The sun and the warmth that came with it was prove that he was no longer buried in a never-ending cycle of death and it may continue to haunt is thoughts but he was there and he was sure he could get past even this.


Disclaimer- I do not own the vampire diaries or its characters! Once again did not steal this. It is my original work

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