I've always considered myself to be enough, I've never had the worry of not being good enough and I've never been insecure about my place in the world. But when you start to care for someone so far above you, someone royal, it turns out my place in the world isn't quite enough.


54. Fifty three

The party is at Michael's house and James' friends are as arrogant as I thought they would be. They're stereotypical rich, sixteen year old, immature boys, always shouting or calling each other 'lads' or having 'banter' or making stupid jokes and James becomes one of them but I don't mind too much. It's not like this was some secret side to him, this is just what boys are like at this age and they are nice enough to be fair, just a little irritating. Plus, it's kind of cute to see him in his element with all his friends. I am relieved when Charlie and Clara get there though. 

It's nice enough for about an hour, low key like James said it would be and I relax a bit. But then some of Noah's friends show up, and some of Edward's and some of Michael's and then their friends show up and suddenly it's this big party. I put up with it for a little while but then I lose James and the others and it just gets too much. There are people everywhere and some people are smoking and it's just not where I need to be. Plus, I'm angry. James promised it wouldn't get like this and sure maybe it's not his fault, but he's just left me. 

Clara finds me before James does. 

"Thank god." I sigh. "He said it wouldn't be like this."

"I know." she frowns. "Come on, let's get you out of here."

"I'd better look for him just in case he's looking for me." I say reluctantly. "You go and pull the car up, I'll meet you in a minute."

I don't know where Charlie is either but I'm not looking for him right now. I eventually find James in one of the bedrooms with all his friends and they're all just sat around laughing and joking so it would appear he wasn't looking for me. I can't believe him. I've never been angry with him this way, actually angry because he's let me down. 

"Hey." I say harshly and he looks up. I at least expect him to look apologetic or something but he just smiles. 

"Hey beautiful."

"Can we talk?" 

"Sure." he grins and his friends all laugh as he follows me into the next room so he obviously made some kind of joke to them. 

We go into the next room and he pulls me into a hug, kissing my cheek. I frown, pushing him away. 

"Are you drunk?" I ask him and he laughs, nodding. 

"Tiny bit." 

"Are you kidding me?" I raise my eyebrows. I'm so shocked he'd let this happen. He promised me he'd be there and he wouldn't drink but obviously messing around with his friends was more important than taking care of his pregnant girlfriend when things got out of hand. 

"What, am I not allowed to have fun?" he frowns at me. 

"You're allowed to have fun, of course you are but not this time, not here!" I exclaim. "You promised me it wouldn't get like this and you wouldn't get drunk. It gets crazy and you're nowhere to be seen because you're off getting pissed with your friends!"

"Well I'm sorry you're knocked up but I never asked for that and I'm not gonna stop having a good time because of you!" he says, looking all confident in himself. "Why should I stop having fun because you're behaving like a little bitch?" 

"I don't understand why you're being like this!" I shout, tears in my eyes. I don't even recognise him.

"Because I'm done wasting my time on you." he laughs but it's not a good laugh. "You've just brought problems into my life, for what? For you to eventually fuck off with Charlie because we all know that that's how it's going to end don't we?" 

"Fuck you James."

"Am I not right?" he shouts, making me jump.

"You know what, maybe you are!" I shout back. "Because never in a million years would Charlie behave this way! You may be the prince or the rich guy but you're a hundred times worse than him and I love him a hundred times more."

I want to walk away but I'm frozen because there's look of anger in his eyes. Then suddenly he swings his arm at me and I jump backwards and out of nowhere, Charlie's running in and grabbing me, pulling me away. I'm stunned and then it catches up to me when we're in the car and I start shaking. 

"Let's get out of here Clara." Charlie says, slamming his door.

"What happened?" she asks, worried as she starts driving.

"The bastard tried to hit her."

"Oh my god!" Clara says. "Eve, are you okay?" 

"Fine." I say but my face crumples. I can't believe he did that. I really refuse to believe it. If it was just an argument then it still hurt but it's not as hard as this is. I keep trying to make excuses and think of anything to make it okay. "I mean, he was drunk-"

"I don't care how drunk he was, he knew what he was doing, nothing excuses that." Charlie says. I've never heard him so angry. 

"I don't want you to think he's horrible because he's not, he really isn't like that-"

"Eve, we believe you that he isn't like that usually but he was like that tonight and that's not okay." Clara says, looking at me in the rear view mirror. I know she's right. I was angry at him but I feel like him trying to hit me is more of a permanent problem and I don't want it to be, but I know I shouldn't be defending him. When we're back at my house and I've calmed down a little, I can't imagine ever wanting to defend him. 

Clara makes sure I'm okay and then she has to go home but Charlie stays. We don't sleep on separate sides of the bed that night, I lay as close to him as possible.

"Are you okay?" he asks quietly. 

"I don't know." I say back. "I'm sad."

"I'm sad too."

We're quiet for a moment and then something occurs to me. 

"Were you there for the whole argument?" I ask. 

"Of course not. I would have stopped it. I was just walking around coming to find you and Clara and I just saw him swing for you." he holds me a little closer. 

"I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to him."

"Then you don't talk to him." he says. "Let's not talk about him either."

"I like that idea." I say, resting my head on his shoulder. "I've missed you."

"Don't be silly, I've been around the whole time." 

"I've missed being like this with you." I tell him. "How we're meant to be."

He pauses. "Did you mean what you said to him about me?"

"You heard that?" I ask, feeling a smile for the first time all night. 

"I heard." he says softly.

"Of course I meant it." I roll onto my stomach and look at him properly. "I am in love with you. That's endless."

He smiles too, putting his hand on my cheek. "It's endless for me too."

I lean down and our lips are almost touching. It's like a first kiss all over again. I don't know why feeling safe with him ever seemed like a bad thing. I was stupid. I need him, he keeps me safe and I love him. I feel like we went separately for a while and maybe that was something that needed to happen because we were bound to cross again. I kiss him and feel complete peace. 

"I'm never letting go of you again." I whisper and he smiles against my lips.

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