Dreamer Girl

A collection of thoughts.


2. Waking up

Have you ever imagined waking up as someone else? I speak from experience of course, but I still only have two options, neither of which are really "someone else". Would you notice? Perhaps we already do, but our memories stay behind. Which begs the question: what would have changed? I suppose it depends on your view on the "soul". The soul, the essence of who you are. Your very existence defined by a seemingly undetectable part of you. Do we have "souls"? How could we ever know? Does it really matter? Perhaps not.

Now imagine you woke up as someone else, but still with some kind of tenuous link to your past self. Somehow you know that this body is not yours. But you have to learn how to use it, work out who you are through a new set of eyes. What would that be like? It's scary, right? Maybe not.

Now imagine you could never get back to your old self, yet you know who you used to be. You're trapped. Forever. Isn't that terrifying?

One day, I might wake up as May and never go back, or the other way around. One day, I might lose half of who I am. I wouldn't be able to stop it. Maybe it would be easier to stick with just one gender the whole time. But, seriously, I'm not sure I know how to cope with having just one gender. Being who I am is just that, who I am. If you took away half of me, I'd be different and I don't know how I'd react.

I don't want to be normal.

I never have, not really.

Normality always, somehow, deterred me. I never fit in, now I never will. But I'm okay with that.

Some things matter more than what other people think, actually, almost everything matters more than what other people think. It's my life, just as yours is your life.

Now to my dreams.

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