If you're having a bad day read this. If you feel like crap read this. If you feel like no one cares read this. If you just need to feel inspired then please read this.

This is my diary, sort of. This is what I have to say about the struggles in life. The reason I'm posting this online is because; one it's therapudic for me to write it down, and two because maybe I can help others who feel like crap.


1. Strength

 So this is sort of a diary for me. I find writing down things helpful for sorting through my thoughts. Now I know what you're probably thinking, why are you publishing this online then? Well I think it can help others too so let's give it a shot k? k. 

This chapter is going to be about struggle and strength. Here's what I've learned: There is no strength without struggle. I know other people have been in worse situations but that doesn't mean we all don't deal with our own demons. Mine happen to come in the form of a mother, a grandmother, an aunt, and friends. Let's start with friendships. Friends can be great if you have the right ones but those ones are hard to find. More often then not we end up with friends who don't have our back when we need them. Lately I've been feeling like a convenience. When I'm around people talk to me but when I'm not no one cares. The only time people seek me out to talk to me is if they need something or if they have no one else to talk to. Just remember this though YOU AREN'T A CONVENIENCE. You aren't here to entertain others. It's great if you can make someones day better when their sad but what about when you need someone to cry on? I find myself alone when I'm sad and that's not by choice. I know you get lonely but here's what I do when I feel like crap and have no shoulder to cry on. I go to google images and look up inspiring strength quotes. It can really help you keep your head up. Another thing I do is listen to music. My inspiring playlist I go to when I'm sad is: Lions by LIghts, Don't Wait by Joey Graceffa, and Oh Darling by Panic at the Disco. They can really change your mood. Another thing is take a walk alone. If you have no one to go to then don't just hang around your "friends" and feel like crap. Believe me a walk alone with some music playing can really help. Friends who don't notice when your sad don't deserve you to be their when their sad. Sorry but it's the truth. If they aren't there for you why on earth should you be there for them? I still hang out with my friends (who are all like this) but I don't try to have a deep conversation cause they don't care. Which sucks but why do you need them to care? I know sometimes you need a shoulder to cry on but obviously theirs isn't it. Just keep your head up and when you need to cry sometimes it has to be alone in your room. Which SUCKS I know believe me but sometimes the only thing you have to cry into is your pillow.

So onto family. I personally have a train wreck of terrible people. They just aren't good people. Not people you could go to or talk to or anything like that. They're the type to when your excited about getting a good grade completely shut you down and not even look at the test. Just know that just cause they don't care doesn't mean it's not important and doesn't mean your worthless AT ALL. It means you are stuck with a crappy family. When you have deal with that at home then at school deal with your friends it can be pretty stressful. When you have no one to turn to then the best place to turn to is.....the internet! Watching youtubers can help take your mind off it and reading things like this can help empower you. Remember that at the end of the day you are still here! Your heart is still beating. You are winning. All of these struggles make you stronger. These are only a couple struggle there's so many more and there are so many more details to the things I've told you about. I guess this chapter is just me trying to say sometimes you have to be there for yourself. You shouldn't have to be but the world's pretty messed up. Just keep pushing on and never give up. A quote I really like is, "Anyone can give up, that's the easy thing to do. The hard thing is pushing on even when you break, even when you fall, even when your all alone." 


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