She's Over There

Find out what will happen to suicidal Scarlet, and her only friend Kellin. Suicidal, friend Kellin. After tragedies strike so does fate, with her new found acquaintances, the band 5 Seconds Of Summer.

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32. 30.

Chapter 30...

 

I woke up laying beside Luke, our legs tangled and my head on his bicep.

I laid there, thinking of how good things seemed to be in this moment. How someone cared for me, I had four new friends, and I'm on the road for a year with my new favourite people. However, my brain is programmed to see the negative in everything. I thought of my sister. The thing is, her phone could be dead, or my my parents could be abusing and raping her. There is no in between. She has good friends though, so if something was going on, she could go to her friends house and call me or something. She isn't stupid, she wouldn't stay there and take the abuse like I did.

After a few moments Luke groaned, and stretched out his legs.

"Good morning." I mumbled.

"Morning." He said, in his oh-so-sexy low, grumbly morning voice.

He looked as perfect as always even though he had just woke up, how is that even possible? I probably looked like a pile of dog shit.

We meet one direction today, and I'm not sure if I'm excited or anxious... I think I'm a lot more anxious then excited, probably a 20:80 ratio.

"I think we should probably go out to see the boys because we have been secluded from them for a full day. They probably miss us." Luke pouted as he spoke.

"Yeah, but I like it here." I whispered, attaching my hand to his, starting a thumb war.

Luke giggled, and butterflies rode in my belly, from that simple sound. Luke ended up pinning my thumb to my hand and I giggled slightly.

I turned my head and put it beside his neck. I wrapped my free arm around his waist tightly and I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders.

I turned my head slightly and kissed his neck, not giving a hickey or anything, just kissing his neck to let him know I appreciate him.

I took my hand from around his waist and started to comb my fingers through his hair, perfecting his quiff. I looked into his blue ocean-like eyes and appreciated his beauty.

"You're perfect." I whispered.

"Are you sure? Because my morning breath, and hairy ass would beg to differ." He giggled.

"I'm positive." I smiled.

"Come on, lets go into the game room with the boys." Luke whispered to me.

We tend to always whisper to each other when we are in a bunk.

"I'm not moving." I protested.

"Well, I'll have to carry you then."

I shook my head rapidly.

Luke got to the end of my bed and hopped down. He then reached his hands up to the bed and gripped my hips pulling me to the edge of the bed.

"No! No wait, I'll hop down." I panicked.

I carefully hopped down.

Luke put his back to me and bent down in front of me.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"I'm giving you a piggy back ride." He said matter-of-factly. "Come on. I won't take no for an answer."

I groaned slightly before placing my hands on his shoulders gently. I bounced twice on my feet before jumping onto his back.

"You okay?" I asked instantly.

"I'm perfectly fine, don't worry."

I wrapped my legs around his torso, and my arms around his neck, I placed my head resting on his shoulder.

"Everything looks different from up here." I said.

"Yeah, especially being able to reach everything, its a crazy life being over six feet tall." He laughed.

I smacked his chest playfully. I leaned my head upwards and gave his cheek a kiss.

He still hadn't started moving.

I kissed my way back to where my head was before, Luke had his eyes close and his lip ring pulled between his teeth.

"You make me feel so happy, even when I don't think I can even smile." I admitted as he started to walk into the game room.

Luke rubbed his hand that was holding onto my thigh, sending a chill through me.

We got to the door and Luke opened it, we walked through and I kicked the door lightly closed.

The boys were all lounging, watching a random movie.

Luke plopped me down, and I took a seat on the floor where no one was.

"Hey guys." I piped up.

"Hey scarlet." Ashton said.

"Hey." Michael and Calum both said, raising their eyebrows at Luke and I.

Luke came and sat beside me, holding my hand.

"So... Are either of you going to say anything... Or will we just pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is going on." Calum said curiously.

"Uh-" I mumbled, looking at Luke.

"Um, Scarlet is my girlfriend now, um I asked her to be a few days ago." Luke said, smiling at me.

"Awe, congrats guys." They all seemed to say in sync.

"You two are very cute." Ashton admitted.

"Why thank you." I said.

We all sat and watched the movie together.

 

...

 

"Do I have to go...?" I whined at the boys.

The movie finished about an hour ago and it's now almost 6:30, AKA time to meet one direction.

"Well, you're going to either have to meet them tomorrow while we are opening for their show, and you're alone with them or right now with all of us with you." Ashton said.

"But, what if they are stuck up snobs?" I asked.

"Well then, they're stuck up snobs." Calum said.

"It's going to be fine. They are going to think you are super gorgeous and hot and want to be your boyfriend like me and the rest of the guys... So they'll be nice. But they won't even say a word about because I will have to brake their noses." Luke said, walking into the room after getting dressed.

"I doubt that.." I said.

"Its true, we all did." Michael said giggling.

"Nope... I don't believe you!" I protested. "Anyway... Do you think my outfit is okay? And my hair? Is that okay? I don't want to look like shit while meeting one of the most famous bands ever." I said walking out to stand in front of them all.

"You look great." Luke smirked.

"Oh shut up. You have to say that." I said sarcastically, not believing him.

"You do look great." Calum said.

"Agreed." Ashton said.

"I think you look great too." Michael agreed.

"Alright, thanks guys." I said.

I figured if they told me I looked great, then I looked okay, presentable, average.

I grabbed Luke's hand and we all walked towards the venue that we'd be playing at tomorrow night, where we agreed to meet them.

My palms were sweaty thinking about the meeting. I'm super nervous ad anxious because they are famous and see average people like me on a daily basis and I have to make a good impression because I will be around them for a whole year and a bit!

Luke leaned down to my ear and whispered to me so the boys wouldn't hear, "you look fantastic. The boys are going to love you so don't be nervous. If you need to leave grab me and we will go outside okay? Me and the boys are all here to have you're back." He kissed my cheek as he finished.

I gripped his hand a little tighter and put my other hand around his arm as we walked, as in saying "thank you," to his support.

We made it to the building, and my breathing picked up.

What if they are judgemental and tell me straight to my face how ugly and fat I am? I already know it, but what i they flat out tell me? I would die! What if they see my arms... Or what if they see my tattoo and ask why I got it?

"Hold on, I need to take a minute." I whispered to Luke, stopping right inside the doorway.

"Guys... Wait a sec." Luke said to them, as they were all in front of us and couldn't se me stopped.

There was nothing they could do for me and they knew that, so they stood around me, blocking the view of anybody who were to walk by.

I sat against the wall and hugged my knees to my chest and breathed in, counting in my head, doing the breathing exercises Kellin used to do.

In- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Out- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...

I continued and did that about 10 times, my breathing coming back to normal.

"Okay, I'm okay, lets go.." I said standing up, pretending like I didn't almost have an anxiety attack.

"You can stand behind us the whole time if you want to." Michael said.

"I might have to." I said back.

I clung to Luke like I was on my death bed clinging to life.

He rubbed my hand soothingly with his thumb.

We made it to the room and my breathing picked up again and I wanted to cry. I started the breathing pattern again and pretended like nothing was happening.

Michael and Ashton went into the room first, then Calum then Luke and I.

The 4 boys were all sitting around a couch laughing at something, before one boy with long hair noticed us and stood up and making his way over, the other three boys close behind.

I cowered behind Luke. These boys were all as tall as my boys which intimidated me.

"Hello boys." The long-haired boys said in a thick British accent. "I'm harry, this is Niall," he said pointing to a slightly shorter blonde boy. "That's Liam," he said motioning to a buff boy, with five arrows tattooed on his arms. "And that one is Louis." He said to a scruffy, cute boy with shaggy brown hair.

"Hey mates. I'm Calum, thats Michael, Ashton and Luke, and thats Scarlet-but we call her Scar, but either works for her.

The boys shook hands with each other and they all hugged me, making me feel incredibly awkward.

"You two are together then?" The blonde boy know as Niall asked.

I nodded, "Yeah, lucky aren't I?" Luke said smiling at me.

"I'll say." Niall said giggling.

I looked down and blushed at my feet.

"Well why don't we sit down and get to know each other for a bit?" The buff boy, Liam asked.

The boys all nodded and we all sat on the couches, where they were before.

I was on the very end of the couch beside Luke, holding onto his hand for dear life.

"Scarlet... Are you going to be on the whole tour with us?" The scruffy boy Louis asked.

I looked up at Luke with panic. He looked at me questioningly, knowing what I wanted him to do but double checking first, I nodded quickly at him.

I looked down in my lap as he spoke.

"Uh- Scarlet has bad anxiety, and it's really bad socially, and she's struggling right now.... But yes he is to answer you're question." He said.

I noticed the long haired boy Harry, and Louis, sitting very close together, as close as Luke and I. Maybe they were together?

"Oh thats okay, Scarlet. We have been around people having anxiety attacks and all of that kind of stuff, so we know what its like. Don't worry we wont pressure you to talk to us or anything. But I hope you warm up to us and we get to know you because I'm sure we all want to get to know you because you seem lovely." Harry said, his talking voice was very low, and mysterious sounding. I feel like he would be the 'bad boy' out of the bunch.

"Thank you." I said nervously.

The boys all seemed very nice and like regular people.

I listened as they talked about music.

"Yeah, I agree... I like the concerts to feel like a party amongst all the fans and stuff. If we could create that atmosphere that would be super cool." Liam said.

"That sounds cool." I spoke up hesitantly.

"Yeah!" Louis exclaimed.

These boys all seemed so happy to be talking about something they were all so passionate about, something that I'm so passionate about too. I don't play, I dabble with the guitar, but I'm passionate about listening to music, its what I live to do. Music is what's kept me going all these years.

I keep quiet for most of the conversation, casually saying "yeah," or "me too," or occasionally even asking a question or providing an answer.

After about an hour and a bit of conversation between all the boys, I finally started to feel more comfortable around them.

"Well, I think I need to head back to the bus and clear out the photos from the camera onto the laptop... But I'll be back." I said, standing up to leave an letting go of Luke's hand that I had been desperately holding on to.

"I'll go with you... I'll be back in a few guys." Luke said, standing up beside me.

"Alright! See you guys in a bit!" Niall called.

"Bye!" I cheered, as Luke and I headed for the door.

We walked quietly, hand in hand, until we were out of the building, knowing that if someone followed us they could still hear us talking. Neither of us wanted to take the risk that the other had something bad to say.

Luke swung our hands back and forth slowly. "Did you like them?" He asked.

"Yeah! They were definitely not what I was expecting. But they were really... I don't want to say loud, but really excited about everything." I said in a hushed tone.

"Yeah... I think they are really passionate guys, especially about music... While you were zoned out and not paying attention, they all said how lovely and pretty you were." He said with a cute smile.

"Lovely and pretty? The exact description of me." I said sarcastically.

"Come on Scar, yes you are." He said seriously, stopping and turning me to face him.

He took both of my hands in his.

"Luke... I need you to know that all of my thoughts towards myself are negative and always will be, okay? I will never look in a mirror and like what I see. And on job applications or stuff like that- if they ask me to put down some good traits I have there will be a blank space. Always. The only good thing going for me is my friends and boyfriend." I said in a hushed tone, smiling at the end.

"I just don't know how you can't see how amazing you really are. How gorgeous and caring and kind and funny and intelligent and- to list everything about you that I, and everyone else, loves would take hours on end." He said, looking down at me.

"I just- Thank you for saying all that- but Luke I will never believe that I am. In my eyes I am not those things. In my eyes all I am is a sad piece of trash who wants to kill herself 99% of the time. I honestly don't think that will ever change." I said to him, looking at my feet.

He gently placed his fingers under my chin and lifted it up so I could see into his beautiful eyes.

"It makes me sad to know that. But I want you to know that in my eyes, you are the most gorgeous girl in the world. And nothing will change that." He whispered.

His words made me want to cry, but also harm myself. If other people could see I was pretty why can't I? Why must my view on everything be so negative?

"Thank you... You are the most handsome man I've ever seen." I whispered to him.

I thought that he would love it if I called him a man instead of a boy. He is 18 and is 'technically' a man.

"I'm a man?" He said with a smirk.

I nodded, dropping his one hand and continuing to walk.

"Are you sure I'm a man? I don't want false hope." He asks.

"I'm positive. And you're my man." I giggled.

Luke wrapped his arm around my back and mine went around me in the front, our hands still together.

I rubbed my thumb against his and his rubbed against mine, giving me goosebumps.

Luke continued to walk but he bent down and placed his arm under my knees and swiftly picked me up, as if I weighed the same amount as a four year old.

I placed my hand at the back of his neck and played with the short hairs there, my other hand still occupied by his.

I laid my head against his chest and treasured this moment.

"What if I trip?" He asked me.

"You and me both fall? But it's worth it. I trust you completely." I said. L

"I don't trust me." He mumbled quietly.

"I trust you." I said.

He said it as if he had done something bad or that he was ashamed of something he did or something.

I decided to ignore it incase he got upset if I asked and I didn't want to ruin this perfect moment.

We reached the completely empty bus, Luke turned me around to open the door, then had me kick the door shut.

I giggled as I kicked it shut, Luke turned and faced the door and slowly put me onto my feet.

He placed his one arm by my head and made me back up into the door, his tall frame towering over me.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Honestly? I have no idea," he paused to giggle. "But I want to...." He trailed off.

He closed the space between us, then gently placed his warm and large hands on my waist. He looked deep into my eyes and leaned his face closer and closer to mine until our foreheads were touching, I could feel his deep breaths on my nose, he is nervous.

His lips brushed against mine before he started to kiss me sweetly.

Not a fast kiss, not a grandma kiss, but a romantic and sweet kiss.

I felt butterflies in my stomach and fireworks above my head.

His lip ring was cold but it was nice against his warm and soft lips. His tongue gingerly swept across my lip, before it was in between his teeth lightly. I smiled into the kiss, then he pressed my back to the wall softly and ran his tongue over my lip again. I parted my lips and fought for dominance, I let him easily win.

His tongue danced with mine, a few moments later I ended it so I could breath easier, my lungs were burning a little but when I pulled away.

"You know... You can kiss and breath at the same time." Luke said with a giggle.

That was something I loved about him, he could pull something like this, and be ridiculously sexy and few moments later he is giggly again.

"Don't hate on me." I said, as his forehead rested on mine again.

He took one of his hands from his waist and twisted my hair around his finger.

He kissed the tip of my nose, sweetly then pulled his face from mine.

"Wait!" I whined as he was pulling his body from mine.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in for a hug. Something I loved to do- give Luke hugs. He just made me feel so safe and loved, and it's amazing. His arms wrapped around me and held me tight.

"I want to stay in your arms forever." I whispered.

"That can be arranged." He joked.

I giggled slightly and closed my eyes.

He knows better then to let me go. He knows that I'm hugging him for a reason, wether that be because he's my boyfriend or I need a hug, he always waits for me to let go of him first. He shuffled his feet across the carpeted floors to the couch, with me still latched onto him.

He slowly flopped onto the couch, and I carefully plopped beside him, towards the backrest of the couch.

I felt a pain in my stomach and recognized it as hunger. I sighed quietly and pushed it away, ignoring the pain. Something I've been doing lately. Doing that has made me smaller- and smaller is something I want to be.

"You okay?" Luke asked quietly.

I nodded. But no- I'm not.

I rested my head on his shoulder, I guess my camera can wait.

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