Fixated


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4. 3

Chapter Three

                They must think I’m going crazy. I know what I saw, he couldn’t have just disappeared. He was standing there. But he couldn’t have been standing there, he’s gone… gone forever. Kate and Michael won’t let me out of there site. They think I’m going through some sort of psychotic break. Maybe I am. Is it possible to hallucinate someone if you miss them so much? He just looked so real to be a hallucination.

                “Brigh, c’mon, we’re going to the shop.”

                “I’m not a child I’m perfectly capable of staying home alone.”

                “Brigh just come with us.”

                “You don’t trust me do you? I’m not fucking crazy.”

                “Brigh get in the damn car before I have Michael carry you out of here.”

                I rolled my eyes and walked down the steps out to the car. I sat in the backseat and crossed my arms. I can’t believe they don’t trust me enough to leave me home alone. We arrived at the shop and we all got out.

                I feel like a child being dragged to the store by my parents.

                “I’m gonna walk around.” I mumbled walking off.

                “Don’t go too far.” Kate yelled after me.

                “Alright mother.” I said so she couldn’t hear.

                The shop was strangely more crowded than usual. I walked down the snack isle and looked around and all the junk food that was way too unhealthy. I grabbed something to look at the nutrition facts. I looked over just in time to see him, all the way at the end of the isle through the crowd of people. The box of sugary heart attack fell out of my hand landing with a thud.

                “Harry,” His name fell off my lips in a whisper.

                “Harry,” This time I yelled it, getting strange looks from other shoppers.

                I started running towards him, but he was already on the move.

                “Harry please no!” I yelled trying to make him stop.

                Kate and Michael turned around the corner of another isle with worried expressions on their faces. They ran over me holding me back. I know we were causing a huge scene in the middle of the store, but there’s no way that couldn’t have been him.

                “I-I saw him! He was right there! How did you not see him pass the isle?” I cried frantically.

                “Brigh, there was no one there.” Michael said grabbing my head in his hands, diverting my attention from the crowd of people to him.

                “I saw Harry.” I cried.

                “That’s impossible. He’s gone.” He said so blunt it pierced my heart like a knife.

                I struggled from his grip and ran to the exit. I angrily wiped tears from my eyes and head to the car. I can’t believe he would just say it like that. This is the second time I’ve seen him. It has to be real. Or I really am losing my mind.

                No. He was there and I saw him. He is not dead. But if he’s not dead, why hasn’t he come to me. Why is he running away from me? There must be something wrong. He must be trying to reach out for help.

                Kate and Michael came running out not too long after me.

                “Brigh I’m sorry-“

                “Save it, let’s just go home.” I said angrily getting in the backseat.

                Michael looked upset, but I ignored it and stared out my window. Thoughts raced through my head confusing me further and further. It had to have been Harry. I saw his face clear as day. Or maybe it’s just what I want to see. Maybe I just miss him so much I make myself believe that I’ve actually seen him.

                We pulled up to the flat and I angrily got out and stormed in and up to my room. I could hear Michael calling my name but I ignored him and slammed my door. I could hear Kate staring to yell at him for being ‘an insensitive jerk’ as she put it.

                I sighed, not wanting to be the cause of yet another fight. I opened my door and ran down the stairs. Without even saying a word I walked up to Michael and hugged him. I know he didn’t actually mean anything.

                “I forgive you.” I whispered.

                “Now apologize for calling him an insensitive jerk.” I said sternly to Kate.

                She laughed and apologized.

                “Good, so are we one big happy family again.” I laughed.

                “Yes.” Kate laughed.

                “Now… group hug!” I yelled wrapping my arms around them.

                I decided to pretend like that the whole seeing Harry out the window and at the grocery store never happened. They already think I’m crazy, I’m not going to push it any further. We ended up decided we need a long deserved movie marathon.

                We pulled a bunch of chairs together and made a blanket fort. We filled it with pillow and left the front open so we could see the TV then we popcorn and got a bunch of junk food. Michael sat in the middle of me and Kate and we got comfortable. I looked over to see Kate and Michael holding hands while her head rested on his shoulders. I felt a pang of jealousy flow through me, not because I’m like in love with Michael or anything, but because that used to be me and Harry.

                I tried to ignore them and pay attention to the movie, but as I turned towards the TV there was a guy confessing his love to his long time best friend. All of a sudden it seemed that love was everywhere, and I no longer had anyone to love.

                I felt my eyes start to water and I slightly turned my head away from Kate and Michael, letting my hair fall in my face. My breathing started to pick up. I don’t think I’m ever going to find someone like Harry, I don’t think I’d even want to move on. My panic kicked in as I realized I’m never going to find someone. I’m never going to have something as real as I did when I had Harry.

                “I gotta go to the bathroom.” I managed to keep my voice steady as I got up and walked to the bathroom.

                I looked in the bathroom mirror. I look like a mess. I hadn’t bothered to put on makeup in weeks. I just looked tired. I had stopped trying after I lost Harry. I heard a knock on the door and jumped.

                I opened it to see Kate standing there.

                “What’s wrong?”

                “I…. had to pee.” I said as if it were obvious.

                “Don’t give me that bullshit. We both know there’s something wrong. You got up very quick. I think I know what this is about.”

                “Oh yeah then what?”

                “You miss Harry. It’s obvious and you feel that you’re never going to be able to move on again.”

                I stood there with my mouth open because she was obviously right. It’s like she had read my mind.

                “Kate I miss him.” I said hugging her and started to cry.

                I had never actually cried to Kate since the incident. I usually lock myself away in my room. Michael turned the corner and saw my crying into Kate’s shoulder.

                “What happened?” He said surprised as we were just happily having a moving night.

                “She’s finally telling us how she feels.” Kate said rubbing my back.

                Michael came over and awkwardly wrapped his arms around us both making me laugh while still crying.

                “So are you ready to tell us what happened?”  Michael said as he let go of us.

                “I think I am.” 

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Sorry this update is a little late I totally forgot to update on Monday but I hope you enjoy this chapter :) -Tessa x

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