luna

was passionate about death...
Michael: was a passionate writer...


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7. seven

 

MICHAEL

 

Her hands twisted around mine like dying ferns, her chest rising slowly, Alex  finally stopped singing.The room was a vague dim light,only just allowing me to make out her hands that remained in mine. I never wanted her to leave me, I knew it was selfish but I loved her and i knew when she died i would finally die.

 

If i told her the real reason and what happens when she dies. She would feel bad and say she didn't want to hurt me. Luna is oblivious to the facts and ideas of death. You see we are put on this Earth with the idea that someone else is going to complete us. It's not that they are going to complete us but they are going to let us exist.

 

Luna is my dark home of whispered secrets, i knew that the moment i kissed her,when my soul entered hers. I knew that when she left so would I. You see death works in a weird,beautiful and paining way. The living think they understand, that we all float up there or maybe even be pushed down into the pits of burning hell. But you see, I have not been able to do either. My being, my entirety has been her, her arms are like gravity and even when i can't see her i can feel her pull on me. I can't leave not while she still breathes and while the warm blood runs to her awaiting cheeks. We all have have a reason for being here and she doesn't know it but my reason is her.

 

I'm just worried that she'll do it without saying goodbye, thinking she will then be able to spend eternity with me. But she doesn't realise that i'm not her reason to exist. So she, like me, will float in this in between, awaiting her gravity. The one that keeps her here, and so on. It's so utterly painful. I mean all that rubbish about us all playing together and having a party - not even close - it's like a waiting game- except no one is looking at the time and you don't have a way of time yourself - for you are someone else's meaning of time.

 

LUNA

 

 

He still smelt of rain and fern as i caressed his stone,cold hands. I wanted him to stay forever and for us to just lay here, not worry about school,so called friends and judgemental family members. But my last note was still seemingly in tact therefore i couldn't finish it, not yet. 

 

"What are you thinking about Luna?" His soft voice fills the room then leaks at my eyes. I sniffle and he strokes my hair as if understanding. I know he knows what i'm thinking about, i've told him so many times before, why would it be different now?

 

"Luna it doesn't have to be this way, we could just stay like this, you don't have to die, Luna, dying isn't as beautiful as they say it is and there is no glory ..i can assure you.Look I can't even feel you or breathe your scent, what use is this?" he spoke clearly twirling his hands gently around mine.

 

"Why won't you just let me be like you, then we can be like this forever and not have to worry about being caught or worry about anyone else. We could jump from the highest of cliffs just for fun, we could have so much fun on halloween." my sentence seems to end despite knowing i have more to say...

 

"Luna, are you serious?" "You don't care about what this will do to your friends and family, or what if something doesn't work out and we end up hating each other." Michael moves to the other side of the bed not looking up at me.

 

"The truth is they have drained the life out of me and with you i thought i could finally exist, is that not enough?” snatching the last note as if trying to give evidence.

 

"Every screwed up thought, every desire of being with you and like you is here, can't you see??" "That even despite how many times i write on this page, it will never be enough." "But this life is not enough,Michael it's a fucking white noise, i'm screaming ripping my hair out but everyone thinks i'm fine.” "No one takes the time to care, because we all know we don't have much time, so they aren't planning on wasting it.If they aren't wasting their time, then why the fuck should i waste mine?" "My life is a violent storm without you and i know when your cold lips caress mine there is something more than what you've told me, but you're the smoke from my last cigarette and i know they told us smoking was bad, but i never wanted for you to be good for me." 

 

"So the days are limited and the nights are long,i'm going to love you like you're the last hope i've got." i breathed heavily,swallowing my protesting tears.

   
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