existence.

"Sad stuff makes beautiful poetry, but it's not so pretty to live with." [-Merecat]
*For the Dear Diary Competition*
(I recommend anything beyond 'Tumbling Ash' for the rest is a mess of nonsense words that hold no character, no story and absently fill the page)

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94. Bewitching Spells

 

My heart swells.

 

It swells with the kindness of a person that seems to pour their soul like an effortless

waterfall into my hands and let me carry around their

love,

light like a collection of pastel feathers,

around with me.

 

The feathers,

the love,

pulls the corners of my lips into a never-ending spiral and convinces me that the

digital heart next to their name is truly worth it.

That maybe that heart, the heart they gave me, is something I share back.

 

With their un-problematic feelings aside,

I have decided upon my New Years Resolution.

 

Now, many people perceive these as pointless and I remember last year,

locking myself in a bathroom and letting my eyes flood with tears

as I gulp down the words of my promise,

a secret promise to myself in that I would make myself happier.

I look at the failure I have become,

the crumpled mess of shredded bones and lifeless veins in an abandoned corner

and understand that I did not try.

 

Perhaps that is the mistake we all make where we say we shall do something

and those simple words floating around in the atmosphere

do not create this buzzing energy,

this willing drive,

to complete the task we set ourselves but instead hope that those words

will shave off the calories or transport us to the gym or make us smile

but those words won't create happiness or thinness.

 

But sometimes people say things and then decide that those words had no meaning

after all and through away promises to the cruel hands of the wind that throws it in their face with a

menacing reminder that their entire year is meant to be this progression of their

personality,

their looks,

their lifestyle.

 

And it all falls away and leaves the shaking skeleton of unfinished promises and disaster

where we persuade ourselves it's okay.

It's okay to break this,

it's almost considered a comedic challenge to give up on your resolution but that won't happen

to me this year.

 

I want to smile more.

I want to enjoy life and shake hands with the beauty of the present

and fall into the hug of the brilliant future

and kick away the grip of the depressive past.

 

And with up-coming plans,

I can assure you that you will soon be able to pour your heart out into a vat

of creativity and let others consume it with their eyes

and appreciate your pain or happiness or just generalised emotions because I am here for you

my

friend.

 

-29th December 2015

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