I wish I had never woken up with amnesia (Michael Clifford)

Some people wish to wake up with amnesia so they can forget about how much they are hurting.

All I wish is that I could have remembered .... Remembered that he had hurt me. That way I would never have fallen in love with him again

To know him, is to love him. But I never knew that Michael was the person who could love me and break me into thousand pieces at the same time

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5. 4

"So you don't remember anything? Like nothing at all?"

I look at Sophie and shake my head

"Nope, only that the last time I saw you, you were sixteen"

I laugh and she looks at me bewildered. I love Sophie, I do, but we were never close. My mom married her dad when I was fifteen and Sophie was a year younger than me. I suppose we were more like friends than siblings

"Did they say if you would get your memory back?"

I shrug

"They said maybe therapy would help, or the memories would come back in time but I don't know, maybe they won't" I say sadly. Maybe that's something I will have to get used to. The not knowing. I look at my mom who is pacing up and down. I've been here for a week now, my blood pressure was high so they kept me in to make sure everything was ok and now thankfully I am good to go

"Chloe I don't like the fact you aren't coming home. You should come back with us and stay a little while" I look at Sophie who rolls her eyes and stares at the wall. She was always a moody teen, nothing has changed there then

"Mom, I physically feel fine. I need to get back to my life. Honestly it's what I want"

Mom tuts and carries on pacing up and down, only stopping when a doctor who I haven't seen before walks in

"Miss Goldman here are your discharge papers and a prescription of mild pain killers. Your stitches are dissolvable so you won't need them removing but if you have any dizziness or disorientation then come back to the emergency department as soon as possible" I happily take them off him and stand up

"Any questions?" He asks

"No, just am I free now?" I laugh and he smiles

"You are free to go miss Goldman"

I shake his hand and thank him for everything everyone has done for me. He leaves the room and I pick my jacket up off the bed. It seems my new style must be skinny jeans, T shirt and converse. I was much more girly when I was seventeen, nearly everything I wore was pink. I smile, I'm glad I grew out of that phase

"So you won't come home, you're definitely saying no?" I try and hide my sigh and turn to face my mom

"I love you but please respect the fact I am moving forward, and I do love you but I want to get my life back and if I come home you will just be fussing and worrying" I hug her and she squeezes me tightly. Sophie joins in on the hug and I wrap my arms around her too

"I'll come and see you in a few days, just let me get settled back into the house and I'll come around ok?"

Sophie uncharacteristically kisses my cheek and I smile at her, mom doesn't talk to me until we are outside. When we get out the sun hits my cheeks and I close my eyes, I've missed the sun. I've missed freedom, those four walls were driving me crazy. Maddison comes running over and takes my bag off mom

"Ready to go home?"

"Ready" I grin at her

I kiss mom and Sophie goodbye and we walk over to Laura's car and I burst into tears. Laura gets out of the car and holds my arms

"hey, what's wrong? My names Laura? You've seen me four times this last week. I thought this wasn't a short term memory loss?" she hisses at Maddison

"I do know who you are, it's just your car. You still have berta the beetle" we all start laughing

"So you're crying because I'm that poor I'm still driving this piece of shit?" Laura jokingly mocks and I nod my head

"Well yes actually"

"You're as weird as ever. Let's go home" she opens the car door for me and I slide in. Laura is one year older than Maddison and I and we thought it was so cool to have a friend that could drive. We used to go on so many road trips, those memories I remember and I'm grateful for that. After twenty minutes we pull up outside a house. It has a white picket fence and a white gate, Brown bricks and a thick black front door. It's perfect

"I always wanted a white picket fence" I say excitedly. And I did, it was my vision of a perfect little house and actually this is it

"We know you did, you were the one who painted it" Laura turns off the ignition and turns around to smile at me

"You ready to go in?" Maddison asks and I nod my head. She carries my bag much to my protests because honestly I feel fine but I let her, you don't argue with Maddison she doesn't stand any nonsense. We walk in and I love the house, it has a spacious living room, dining room and the kitchen has a dining table in there that sits eight people. Laura shows me to my room and as she opens the door I know this is my bedroom. It's exactly the way I would have decorated it. Cream walls with framed photos of my family and friends, though some of the pictures are missing. there's a double bed with a pink duvet set and in one corner of the room is a computer and on the other side is a tv and DVD. I love movies and it looks like in two years I've amassed quite a collection. I softly walk over to the wardrobe and open the door. I smile as I see everything is colour coordinated and is in order, jeans, dresses, skirts and tops are all lined up neatly. I reach forward and stroke a checked shirt

"Shit, that's his. Shall I throw it out?" I turn to face Laura who looks furious

"No it's ok. Is there anything else of his in here?"

She gestures towards the end of the bed where a guitar is resting against the wall. How did I not notice that? He's going to need these things back. Maddison pops her head around the door and rolls her eyes when she sees what I'm looking at

"Have you told him, that I can't remember him?"

She stiffens and then her shoulders sag

"Yes"

"Is he happy about it?"

"No, not particularly. Ashton's coming round tonight I'll make him take all of this back with him ok?" I bite my lip

"Ok"

For some reason I want to cry and I don't know why?

Laura claps her hands together

"Let's order pizza" she says changing the subject and this is the best thing I've heard in a while.

I manage to demolish eight slices to myself but I don't care. Food has never tasted so good! I stretch back and sink into the sofa whilst the girls laugh

"You finished?" Maddison mocks and I rub my stomach

"I'm having a food baby" I grumble

"Ashton should be here soon" she says softly and I sit up

"It's been a long day, do you mind if I meet him tomorrow?"

She smiles at me, I know she understands

"Of course, but what are you going to do about shit heads stuff?"

I think about it, what am I going to do? He does need them back, and seen as we aren't together or will ever be together again there's no point keeping them

"I'll figure something out" I kiss them both on the cheek and make my way to my room. I shut the door and lean against it. I automatically walk over to the guitar and softly run my fingers over the chords. I turn to face the computer and before I know it I've turned it on. I type in Facebook and thankfully over the last two years I haven't changed my password. I go to my profile and click pictures and there they are, endless photos of me and someone I've never met but I know just by looking at the smile on my face, that yes, I must have loved him

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