I wish I had never woken up with amnesia (Michael Clifford)

Some people wish to wake up with amnesia so they can forget about how much they are hurting.

All I wish is that I could have remembered .... Remembered that he had hurt me. That way I would never have fallen in love with him again

To know him, is to love him. But I never knew that Michael was the person who could love me and break me into thousand pieces at the same time

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39. 36

By six o'clock the Villa is transformed. We have heart shaped streamers hanging from the ceiling and outside we have put fairy lights in the trees. Ashton is on barbecue duty and we have a table full of alcohol and enough food to feed the five thousand. Laura is overcome with emotion when she sees what we have done and she can't thank us enough. I didn't really have a lot of time to get ready so I went for a yellow skater dress and flat pale pink shoes. my hair is in a ponytail and my make up will have to do. I look presentable so I can't moan too much. Soon guests start arriving and Laura's other cousin, Mia, The one with green crazy hair, follows Michael around like a lost puppy. He is polite so he acts interested and laughs along when she jokes, unless he isn't being polite and he likes her? what if he ends up getting with her? He used to like dying his hair, what if he thinks this is an absolute turn on and he makes a move? He looks over at me and I look away. The front door knocks and I answer it. Luke walks in and I feel emotional when I see him. His hands hold my waist and I hold him tightly 

"Hey I'm here too" Calum laughs and I pull him into the middle of our hug 

"Its so good to see you two, Its just like old times" I pull away and wipe my eyes. Why am I so emotional?

"Its good to see you too, I haven't seen you in so long. Its been too long. I have someone I want you to meet" Luke gestures to a girl aged about nineteen and she smiles at me 

"Christina this is Chloe, Chloe this is Christina" I wave

"Nice to meet you, Can I get you a drink?" The boys ask for a beer and Christina asks for wine. I leave them to catch up with everyone and I go outside to sort out the alcohol  

"No way are you single" I hear Mia say as I walk past and then she strokes his arm and giggles. I roll my eyes 

"No, I am" Michael says and I look at him and frown

Why is he being such a dick? OK he is single but why do I feel like he wants me to hear his conversation? Luke comes outside and he helps me with the drinks

"So where is your other half, or are you flying solo?" He asks and even though its childish I seize the opportunity as Michael and Mia join us at the table 

"Oh no, Mark and I are very much together. He has a book to finish and he's on a deadline so he couldn't make it" I shrug and I look at Michael who is frowning at me 

"How are enjoying being back in Australia Chloe? Have you done anything exciting?" Michael asks and the beer drops out of my hands. Luke bends down to pick it up and then looks at him

"You OK?" He asks him confused and Michael looks at me 

"I need to use the bathroom" I excuse myself and walk back into the house. What is he doing? Why is he acting like this? 

"Chloe" I turn around and auntie Maureen has a dress bag draped over her arm. I hug her and look down at the bag 

"Please tell me you managed to work your magic on that dress?" I ask panicked and she laughs

"Of course I did, it's me you're talking to. It wasn't even that tight it only needed taking out a little" 

"Thank you thank you thank you" I hug her again and beckon Laura over 

"The dress is done" I grin and she lets out a sigh of relief 

"Maureen I can't thank you enough, you are an absolute life saver. Thank you" Laura says gratefully and takes the dress off her 

"Can I get you a drink?"

"I can't stay but I will see you at the wedding" she blushes and I shake my head 

"Where are you going?" 

"I actually have, well, I have a date" 

I look at her in shock

"who with?" 

"His name is David. I met him at a support group for widowers. I feel too old, actually I feel a little silly now. Maybe I shouldn't go?"

"No you should go and you will go. Just behave yourself" I wink at her and she playfully taps my arm 

"You aren't too old for a smack" She laughs and I give her one last hug before she leaves


The rest of the night goes well and everyone is excited for tomorrow. Laura is going to spend the night at her parents and then come here first thing in the morning so we can get ready together. Originally Laura wanted to get married in Melbourne as that's what she classes as home now but her parents wanted her to get married in the church they did so they planned the wedding here in Sydney. At ten o'clock the party starts winding down, people want to go home and back to their hotels so they will be refreshed for tomorrow

"Hey have you seen Mia? My aunties looking for her?" Laura asks me and I point outside 

"find Michael and you will find her" I shrug and she holds my arm 

"You OK?" She looks worried and I feel guilty, this is about her not me

"I'm just tired, I'm looking forward to an early night and seeing my best friend get married tomorrow" I smile and she claps excitedly 

"Its like a fairy tale isn't it?" she sighs and even though I'm smiling I feel sad 


Everyone has gone home, Thankfully Mia too. Maddison, Christina and the boys sit outside by the fire but I stay inside and tidy up. Michael walks in and I ignore him 

"So I'm getting the silent treatment now?" 

"No, you've been talking to Mia all night. That isn't my problem" I shrug and continue to throw paper plates and cups into a bag 

"Chloe talk to me please?" 

I turn around to face him and throw the bag on the floor 

"about what? what do we have to talk about?" 

He looks outside and then grabs my hand taking me upstairs, I try and pull away but his grip tightens. Not that tight that it hurts me though. We walk into his bedroom and he shuts the door, leaning against it so I cant leave. I fold my arms and look at him 

"So talk" I snap at him 

"Chloe I thought I was finally over you, I thought you were over me but seeing you has made me realise I was never over you. I let you go once and the thought of losing you again is killing me. But I need to know if there is anything here worth fighting for? How do you feel about me?" 

My arms drop to my side and I take a step back

"I haven't asked you to fight for me" My voice is barely a whisper 

"You haven't answered my question" He moves closer and again I step away 

"Its been three years Michael, its too late. I have moved on and I love Mark"

"You are lying" He shakes his head and a tear falls down my cheek

"You are lying to yourself Chloe, and you are lying to me" 

The reality of what I did hits me, When I realise what I have done

"Did you love Sophie?" I look at him and he takes a deep breath 

"of course I fucking didn't. I can't keep going over this it was a mistake" He shouts and I close my eyes. When I open them again I know I have to say something to make this stop. I can't do this 

"Exactly, that's exactly what this has been. A mistake" His eyes fill with tears and I run past him straight to my room and I lock the door. I lean against it and sink to the floor. It wasn't a mistake but I can't hurt Mark, and in a cruel twist of fate I have done to him what Michael did to me. The only difference is I know that I am not over Michael and yes there is a part of me that does still love him. But I can't hurt Mark, I refuse to. Plus my life with Mark is stable and that's what I need. I need someone who can be there for me. Michael is in one of the biggest bands on the planet right now and his lifestyle is totally different to mine. What have I done? Who am I to do this to another person? 


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