I wish I had never woken up with amnesia (Michael Clifford)

Some people wish to wake up with amnesia so they can forget about how much they are hurting.

All I wish is that I could have remembered .... Remembered that he had hurt me. That way I would never have fallen in love with him again

To know him, is to love him. But I never knew that Michael was the person who could love me and break me into thousand pieces at the same time

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4. 3

"Seriously, who is Michael?" I ask again. Mom looks at Maddison "I'm going to go, I'll be back later. I think I should give you two some space. She will know what to tell you" I frown as mom goes to walk out of the room "Go easy on her" she instructs Maddison and she nods whilst sitting on the bed facing me. When she's gone I pull Maddison into a hug

"It's so good to see you, I'm so glad I didn't forget you" I cry into her shoulder and she rubs my back. Maddison was never good with displays of affection but I can't help it. It may have only been six days but I feel like I've been in this coma forever. She pulls away and holds my hand

"Now tell me what you remember?"

I sigh and rub my head

"I remember handing in a history assignment, then going shopping for a new outfit with you for your date with Jason. Then I remember me and mom going shopping a few days later, and then I remember prom. That's it, it's a dead end after that"

She looks at me wide eyed

"We were seventeen" she gasps and I nod my head

"And now we are nineteen" she says slowly and I smile

"Yep, I know that bit. It's all the rest that doesn't fall into place" I bite the inside of my cheek and search for some sort of clue

"When did they say you could go home?"

"A few days, maybe even tomorrow if I can act sane enough. They had to sedate me yesterday I was freaking out. Believe me I could easily scream this hospital down but what's the use? I need to get my head around this" I shrug and Maddison nods

"Do we need to make any adjustments in the house?"

I look at her confused

"What house?"

"Our house"

"We live together?"

"You really don't remember do you. We always said we would and as soon as we all turned eighteen we did it. Me, you and Laura rented a house. It's a lovely house" she starts to cry and I lean forward and stroke her arm

"It will be ok, I'll remember I promise" I soothe her

"So what about the baby? Have you seen your son yet?" She says whilst wiping her eyes. My arm drops and my hands cover my mouth

"I have a baby?" My voice is about ten octaves higher than usual

"No, but that was funny" her tears of sadness are replaced with tears of hysterics and I hit her arm

"Maddison you are such a bitch" regardless of my annoyance I find myself laughing and then holding my head due to the pain. She wipes her eyes and smiles

"I'm sorry"

"Apology accepted" I smile back at her. I play with a thread on the pillow and clear my throat

"so, will you tell me who Michael is?"

"You really want to know? Believe me chloe. It might be best you forget about him, this could be a blessing. You don't have to remember him, actually if I could erase some of my ex boyfriends I would. This could be a blessing in disguise"

I raise my eyebrows

"So I dated him?"

"Yes"

"And he did something to hurt me?"

"Yes" she sighs. She stands up and walks to the windowsill and leans against it

"I will tell you Chloe, but you could just move forward and leave him in the past"

I look down at the pillow. What did he do to me? Did he physically hurt me? Also what if I see him again? I can't just pretend he isn't real. Or could I?

I look at her

"Tell me, please"

She shakes her head and folds her arms

"Ok, but remember I didn't want to"

I nod my head

"Ok then, here goes. You and Adam dated after the prom, you became official. Anyway a few months later, July I think, we went to see a local band play. Michael was in it, you both had an instant spark and you left Adam for him"

"Ok" I say slowly

"Chloe, I don't know how to say this and because I'm someone who is straight to the point I'm just going to say it. Michael was having an affair, the night you were hit by a car you must have found out. I don't know how you did but you did, he won't say much and no I don't know who the girl is before you ask. But anyway you were in the street arguing, you ran into the road or something and you were hit by a car. I'm so angry, I actually really liked him. I'm dating someone called Ashton, he's the drummer in the band. This hasn't been easy on us, mostly because I've asked Ashton who the girl is but he says he doesn't know and I believe him. Well I'm almost certain I believe him. Anyway that's that. I'm sorry Chloe"

I take a deep breath and try and process this new information

"Did I love him?" My voice is almost a whisper

"Yes"

"And did he love me, before all of this?"

"I am very certain of that. In fact I know he did. You two were infatuated with one another, it was obvious he loved you. I just don't know what went wrong?" She says sadly and I nod my head

"It's strange, I want to be sad. I know I should be sad, but it feels like this hasn't happened to me so I can't feel anything. I feel nothing. Did he come and visit me?"

"No, I told him not to. Would you have wanted him to?"

"I don't know. Maybe, I just don't even know what he looks like? Or even who he is? What made me fall in love with him? All these questions" I throw the pillow down and sigh

"Hey, you've got time. Think things over and if you want to talk to him then we'll sort something out. Anything else you want to know?"

I know there should be a thousand questions to be asking but right now I need to get my head around the fact that I was nearly in a two year relationship and the person I was in a relationship with cheated on me. That hurts I suppose

"Why have I dyed my hair like this?"

I look at the blonde tips that start just below my ear and Maddison laughs

"It's all the rage, it's called an ombré"

"Oh" I drop my hair and smile at her. We talk some more and Maddison tries to fill me in as best as she can. I try and remember what she tells me but I'm tired. Laura couldn't make it as she's at work but she's coming to see me tomorrow. Maddison kisses my forehead and leaves me to rest. I try and imagine what Michael looks like? Were we good together? Did I do something wrong to make him cheat on me? Why didn't he just break up with me? Who was she? I feel pain, but not physical pain, more of a mental pain, and that's because I miss my uncle Paul. I know right now that if he was here I wouldn't feel so frightened, but he's not. I watch day fade into night and my tears fall for him, this is the second time I've grieved for his passing and I can only imagine that it hurt this much the first time around

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